Cosmic Joe

Do you weigh up all decisions you make in life about how they benefit you?

Yeah that was her. Used to look forward to my visits to Firs Park. You never knew quite what to expect...

Smoked mackerel, boiled egg and pickled beetroot

Reminds me of a former East Stirlingshire fan who claimed the title Miss 'Shire 2000 and something. Used to shout "suck my cock" at Cowden and Berwick fans and suchlike when pissed up back in the day. Became a bit of a lower league celebrity. Scary woman. Even Kilt gave her a wide berth with his boxes of maltesers. Eta I think she was related to "Mad Bill" the Shirey Pirey head terracing honcho of the time

I'm not a massive fan of speeding, largely because of being forced into attempting an emergency stop at 75 mph once. Still have nightmares about that. I'll occasionally switch off and find myself drifting into that kind of speed like everyone else but prefer to stick within the limits and keep my wits about me. f**k knows what it feels like to have to hit the brakes while driving at 100 mph plus in an emergency but I'd be willing to bet that 90 percent of these c***s that drive at these kind of speeds would have no clue about how to carry this out safely.

That pop-up Costa advert

What's your excuse then?

There's also the Santa Claus one

The amount of folk on here that don't get the fact that Larry is ridiculing racism and homophobia by being an arsehole defies belief

Are the German and Portugalise polis in cahoots with the McCanns @Alternative Title ???

"Scrapering to a do" sounds like peak Joyce

Congratulations to anyone who has completed Ulysses and can explain what it is all about. I'm convinced Joyce was at the capers

You need to get back to Brechin. You're losing it old fella

Mennie's in the Perth Road is looking good. A few old guys obviously meeting up again after several months, which was nice to see

It's the wee union flag that makes the verifying statement

Paying to walk goats? Become a freemason and shag them for free!

Sounds like some pubs are taking this seriously while others aren't giving a f**k, which worries me.

The BBC Alba and BBC Scotland live games have been an improvement on what was on offer back then. Plus most lower division clubs are now producing their own highlights.

I think we now have a contingency plan in place. The biggest failure was not having it place before the outbreak. An even bigger failure would be not learning from the previous failure. We live and learn.

Copyright Frankie Boyle. "During the Edinburgh Festival the city's population swells by almost 200,000 c***s"

Not quite sure why funerals are restricted to 20 people attending while a regular Mass/ service can be attended by up to 50.

Is Bobby still mine host at the Cliffburn?

This is absolutely awful. Desperately sad

Is that the place just over the bridge on the Fife side by the circle/ roundabout? Always wondered what it was like