Cosmic Joe

Can't bring myself to do the "Hi" thing because I don't normally address people like that. I've tried "morning" or "afternoon" or even "hello there"...

That kind of cringeworthy patter died in the1970's along with Sid James...

Casual sexism on fitba forums. "Burdz" etc...

Omnipresence! Petty things that I should be impressed with thread for this pish...

"footy"...

Tennents is okay but this relatively new obsession with lagers being extra cold gets on my thruppeny bits (back on topic!!!). Why extra cold? Reduce the temperature slightly and you will be able to taste the beer. Stella is tasty but the reason for the chronic sore head the next day is the chemicals contained in the drink. I'm not a huge fan of Germany, but the one thing they do better than anywhere else is produce excellent beer. Mainly down to their purity laws...

Looking to book a holiday in Spain, so checking out reviews on Tripadvisor. Came across this pearler. Got on my nerves in a rather petty fashion initially but we've decided to book this hotel. Cheers Korky from Yorkshire! "Just spent 5 nights here and there's a few things I'd like to point out to anyone from the UK thinking of doing the same. Firstly,this is a Spanish local back street hotel,run by Spaniards for Spaniards. The staff are nice enough but the other guests are rude and make you feel unwelcome as much as they can. Yes there's a TV in your room but every channel is Spanish so it is of no use to us. I do like to watch a bit when I'm trying to drop off or catch the news but that's a no go. There are no tea making facilities so forget your morning cuppa and cuppa before bed. No kettle,or facilities to even get one in the late hours. Our view was of a police station and a bloody huge one at that. We could barely see the sky and if you have a room at the front of the hotel you'll get no sun either. The breakfast is not an English one that I love on my hols. It's local and continental. We had to eat out every morning so when you think of it that's at least another £10 on your holiday per day. Yessssss the hotel is a 5 min walk from the beach but it's up a bloody big Hill and after a long day it truely grinds you down. The nightly entertainment is all Spanish and consists of a Spanish dj/vocalist/ guitarist entertaining the guests who are all over 60 and who will procede to dance and sing like it's like their last day on earth. Look I've not come on here to lose this place any money by putting any brits off, they won't, because the whole hotel is full of holidaying Spaniards because that is what it caters for"

Unless you're meaning 70-75kmph you are advocating that everyone driving in an overtaking lane should be breaking the national speed limit. Slightly irresponsible...

Doesnae work in our street. We're the only c**ts that recycle...

Has someone breached their bail conditions?

Bayne's on Lochee High Street do a decent well-fired roll...

Keep up the good work! It's the kind of thing I would have done back in the day when I was your age, if the technology had been available. I would have struggled to retain a semblance of neutrality though...

Exactly...

Ah, so it's all East Fife's fault then! You'll be telling us next that it's our fault that Livi aren't playing in the Scottish Cup next week...

Almost as bad are pubs that show English games in favour of Scottish ones. In Scotland...

What happened to the kid's YouTube Vlog for the East Fife Scottish Cup tie? I was looking forward to seeing that...

How do you think he got out? To be fair, he's the one parked within his own bay...

This club record is actually pretty sensational. Ryan wasn't even first choice goalie this season. He came in because Mark Hurst was unavailable for the Scottish Cup tie v Edinburgh City, lost a goal just before the break. played the replay and kept a clean sheet. including a terrific late stop. Kept the shirt as interim boss Dougie Anderson saw off Brechin City at Glebe Park 1-0 in a televised game. New manager Barry Smith kept faith with Ryan for a 2-0 home win against Peterhead. Off to another away victory at Ochilview, although an injury saw Ryan being replaced by Hurst 15 minutes from time. Hurst kept the gloves until St Johnstone refused to release him for the Scottish Cup tie at Livingston - another 1-0 win with several top drawer stops from the keeper, followed by another clean sheet yesterday...

It's 575 minutes. He came off early at Ochilview...

In Fife it was always Primary School and High School in the 1970's. Or "Skil" to be precise...

Folk that claim your nationality is determined by your passport. No it isnae. My wife was born in Kalisz and holds a UK passport. She is Polish and a UK citizen. I was born in Dundee, am Scottish and a UK citizen...

A few years ago the Co-op in Leven once priced their Glen Grant at £9.99 a bottle. Pretty certain it was meant to be William Grant but someone got confused/ fucked up. We took it turns to buy a bottle every couple of days before they ran out...

Sometimes it's not easy to tell the chancers from the genuine cases. Made a decision a while back just to donate to a food bank...

Hospitality is great value for money. Would thoroughly recommend it... http://www.eastfifefc.info/hospitality

I'm almost tempted to say that it's the only language these cretins understand. Except in all honesty they are probably too braindead to get it...