carpetmonster

Worst: going in to see The Sixth Sense at the midnight showing, pished, and falling asleep after 20 minutes. Woke up at the end credits to be told by my mate 'c**t wiz deed'. Still never got round to seeing it, didn't seem to be much point after that spoiler.

I don't think I've seen fudge so many times in a sentence outside of some opposition MP seething about the Government unemployment figures.

A Bunch of Dobbers?

Takes pictures of lizards and sticks them on Instagram. David Icke-adjacent maybe? https://www.instagram.com/jane_east/

The guy I've heard that one about is Jackie Charlton, who's apparently got framed cheques on the walls of half the boozers in Ireland.

I think I’d have probably agreed with that after the first LP but the Seahorses being awful kinda shoots it down. There’s an argument (that I have some sympathy with) to say Brown saved The Second Coming from being properly bad by not being able to sing; if he had a big rawk voice, it’d just have sounded like a bad Led Zep tribute.

Well, undead maybe.

Really wanted to go see them with Ride on the co-headline tour they did in the US last year, however my wife was inconsiderate enough to give birth 10 days prior and I was absolutely knackered. Seems to be becoming a thing for British bands that aren’t as big over here; Suede and the Manics did one and the tickets were only $45. Charlatans/Ride was only $40.

Barras in 95 for me IIRC. The long-forgotten Northen Uproar as support.

Be mad to think 30 years ago that Tim Burgess would be the top boy while Ian Brown would be reduced to doing his own karaoke by way of gigs.

Right, what’s everybody having then? Tell you what, just write it down here for me

If there's anyone still hiding under Shannon Matthews stasher Michael Donovan's bed, you can come out now, he's carked it https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/27366830/shannon-matthews-kidnapper-michael-donovan-dies-cancer/

His face is too big. If you take the hair off him he actually reminds me of Tommy Cooper, which should make me like him, but it doesn’t.

There’s Tiffany as well, unless him musing in public that he’d wanted her aborted counts as formal disownment.

If I was a betting man I’d say CPAC-monied oot her nut with bonuses for how far and wide she can spread their shite.

If I'm Trump and I'm looking and Eric and Junior and now I'm being told I have an offspring capable of passing high school I'm getting me and Melanie on Jeremy Kyle TBQHWY.

Harness the power of shite dugs by building a warehouse full of giant hamster wheels so shite dug owners can take them there, have them run on the wheels to generate electricity and sell it to the National Grid. The owner can nominate 5 people who generally have to put up with their b*****d dug to receive credits against their leccy bill for its service. Extend it to weans anaw.

It’s not starting well for him, the DA is looking to have held in contempt for repeated gag order violations, which you’d have to think Judge Merchan would likely be sympathetic to.

There’s a boozer on the front in Largs does that; the Olde Anchor IIRC. It’s very civilised and highly recommended.

Although 'Mark Lawrenson' is an anagram of 'NN Marl Woke Arse'

At least they block them off. Every once in a while in Chicago you’ll see someone who isn’t local and doesn’t realise empty El train carriages are empty for a reason and embark onto one to be confronted with a homeless guy having a meltdown/jobbies/both.

Glasgow Central hasn't had any for eons. Didn't they get taken out after Al-Qaida bombed that train in Spain however many years ago?

Guess whose arsehole wife thought it'd be smart to get a 7am flight to Miami so she can have an extra day seeing her pals before she goes to the conference and set her alarm for 4.30 and didn't wake up for it, also waking up the baby, who hasn't gone back to fucking sleep since and it's now 10am? (here's a hint, it's fucking me. Cuntress)