Raith Against The Machine

Or a 29th of February.

Just about everyone I know is a "Take a drink!" person, so I've decided I'm not actually off the drink, I'm just off spending money on it. I'll probably still get pished at least once on other people's money. That sounds awful, but I'm a really generous drunk (at least, I think so) I hate people who go out, and then drink the cheapest thing, and miss out rounds, because they're skint. If you don't have enough money, stay in. If you go out, spend money! Don't be a miserable b*****d and bring everyone else down. At least if you stay in then people don't have to look at your mug as they try to enjoy themselves. I'm contradicting myself wildly. Bugger.

I can't really afford change at the moment In fact, I'm going to have to have a massive change and not drink for a month to try and save some money. I've spent something ridiculous on drink this week, and I've not even been properly drunk at any point. It has to stop

People who say "That's why they call it..." when it's completely inappropriate. Something normal like (bizarre example ahoy!) "Hey, that elf is fucking tiny!", "Yeah, that's why they call him Santa's Little Helper" is fine. I can see the logic there, it's clear. But I was just watching Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, and he complained that some crap chef's nachos were too bland or some shit, and the chef says, "Yeah, that's why them call them nachos, what can you do with nachos?" What? Why's why they call them nachos? If they were called "blandos" you'd have a fucking point, but they're not, so take off your stupid fucking hat and get back to making that man some fucking dinner, you gobshite moron.

I do, but I live with her. In fact, she's not really one for phonecalls anyway. She tends to text instead, or if she's out and she knows I'm at home, she sends me Facebook messages, which is definitely one of the things that make me jealous of those with "smartphones". It's basically a text, but it costs f**k all (except whatever your internet charges are, obviously).

My last three phone calls are 0:36, 0:40 and 1:03. Stupid blabbering Mum taking me over the minute mark with her rambling request for milk. Just fucking ask me to get milk, there's no need for all the nonsense.

I'd probably really like an iPhone, but I can't get one. Chiefly because I'm rookit and it's an expensive bit of gear. But, also, because I'm one of these people who can't stand stuff like that (I suppose it's taken from my Dad, and his mobile phone scepticism) and I'll spend ages slagging off all this new technology, until I actually see it work and become incredibly jealous. I can't get one though, because I'd hate to be seen as a hypocrite! I have to wait until the next generation of stuff is out, like phones that are also tellys and cars and girlfriends, before I can get one that plays music

Sexist pig!

Yeah, it was sort of a nonsense that I lost track of. The "top up £10 a month and get free shit" isn't as good as it looks, because the months when you don't get the free shit you spend more than £10, in my experience. That's what I was trying to get at, but I lost my point. In my case, paying the £15 a month up front works out cheaper than my old deal, which was a "Top-up a tenner, get free shit" dealio. Anyway, XBL hates marathons.

We'll pretend you meant that.

You sound like my Dad. Someone once slammed a mobile phone on his desk at work in 1985, and he's hated them ever since. He's had to adopt his old policy of "Never trust anyone with a mobile phone" a bit though, because fucking everyone has one now, including his own mother. It's getting to the stage where he's in a bit of a "Hitler-Bunker" situation. He's adamant that he's never going to get a mobile phone, but the Russians are chapping at his cellar door.

It's not really that good a deal. You top up a tenner, and then don't spend it, because everything's free. But then to get the free stuff again, you have to top up another tenner, that you don't spend. Also, I think you have to top up £10 a month, for two or three months in a row before you get the free stuff. I'd have a look at the £15 a month "contracts" that T-Mobile and Virgin are both doing, where it's unlimited texts and 150 minutes. Brilliant if you don't do much phoning.

Is there a UK version of t-shirt websites like Threadless and T-shirt Hell? It seems like when I've had a look, to get a decent quality amusing printed t-shirt, it's like minimum £15, before delivery, with the better ones being as much as £30, whereas in the states their very best seem to go for like $20. Am I better to just order from the States? (I'm not quite sure what this entails, with regards to buying a few at a time, delivery costs, or customs or whatever)

Other than Birmingham, all of my teams have gone behind. Poor, poor show.

It does, but when you think about it, it really isn't. I think it's just starting a sentence with... "I saw someone fall off a..." triggers the amused part of your brain, because you're expecting them to say "bouncy castle", "Great Dane" or "fat lass" and it takes a minute to comprehend that actually coming off a motorbike is probably quite a crap thing to do, and not exactly great to watch either. Unless it's the bloke who played Matt Malone in the second series onwards of Game On. I'd pay good money to see him come off a motorbike. You're not Matt! Imposter! FRAUD! I'm hungover, issues come to the fore.

Just got off the phone to my old man. "Hello?" "Hello, Dad." "Who's this?" I'm an only child

"Ma choons urr always on shuffo." Oh, do f**k off, Spotify.

You know the worst thing? I'm pretty sure, in the height of the argument, someone actually used the term "OMG" out loud. FFS.

I have to do a presentation for a Managing Organisations module. This doesn't bother me too greatly. But I have to go first. Unbeknownst to me, we're presenting in order of the topics we chose, and I chose number 1 (this was because I hadn't prepared, so just went for the first one... sort of serves me right) - apparently everyone else was avoiding it because they all knew about having to go first. Wankers! Extremely petty, and none of you give a shit. But you've just read it, so I win.

Carnage! Something happened in my flat last night, at about 3am, which ended up with my flatmates boyfriend having an argument with my other two female flatmates who hate him (and his girlfriend). Long story short, one of them told him that his lass had pumped some other bloke a while back, so he punched a hole through the shitty dry wall, and was booted out of the building. So I got to go to sleep listening to the sound of crying, and the Glee soundtrack. f**k sake.

What is the skeleton? Skiing? What a stupid name for a sport. Anyway, the ice hockey is on now, Shakey. I dunno if it's live, or red button or whatever, but it's definitely online. Russia v Canada, so should be quite good.

Because it's one of the things "we" might be able to get a medal in? I'm not really sure, but that'd be my guess.

Vanessa's impression of Nelson Mandela wasn't too bad. "Chilli beef!" It doesn't really translate that well into text...

Pretty sure there were blokes with guns there, I was keeping my hands (and possibly my boxers) where everyone could see them!

I had a pair of school trousers that didn't have a button at the top of the fly, because it'd burst off () but I still wore them because my belt covered the top and meant you couldn't tell the difference, and they were perfectly fine to wear. Until I went to the Scottish Parliament and had to remove my belt to go through the scanners. I had to shuffle through the big metal detectors, holding my trousers up, like the biggest special ever to enter the building. And Alec Salmond works there! I sound like a complete tink in that story. I don't know why I tell it.