Raith Against The Machine

Aw man mhak, you've been there about 5 minutes and you've already seen him... I've been on the lookout for over a year!

Go round his house! Let's see how he texts with no teeth!

If it has a bill, it's not a rabbit. More than likely, it's a duck. That's probably why it's not working. Here to help

What was she going to do if you didn't have ID? Sook it back out?

Kilt and the Barely Alive Pensioners

I was up in Dundee to see a pal on Wednesday. I was out on Tuesday night, and was drinking a cacophony of various beers and spirits and hadn't eaten anything after about 6. I then crawled out of bed and onto the train up to Dundee and walked right out of the station into the pub, then went from ale-house to lager-shack all afternoon. I ended up sleeping in his flat from 6 til 9 before getting my train home again. It wasn't like I disgraced myself by spewing everywhere or anything, but it's incredibly poor form.

There speaks someone who's never been to Arbroath. The victims of Hurricane Katrina were sitting on their roofs thinking that it could be worse, and they could've been at Gayfield.

Stirling just sent me an e-mail about Alcohol Awareness Week. I mean, come on, if there's one thing that students are aware of...

It used to be quite shit, going through a couple of wee towns, but it was fairly direct. Now it's fecking unbelievable. You can just name a town or village between Stirling and Dunfermline and be absolutely certain that it'll go through there. In the entire journey, it only spends about 5 minutes on a road suitable for a bus, too

My God, no! The 78 to Dunfermline? It's the worst bus service ever. EVER! Get the train! It might cost more, but at least you won't kill yourself in the 74th tiny village that the bus passes through.

Adam?

Feather or not you find these puns funny, you've got to appreciate the effort that goes into them.

I've just signed up for computer labs for Leisure Management () and of the 27 people already signed up, there's a John McGlynn, a Stephen Hendrie, and the ever-so-close Darren Brown. I'll be taking my autograph book to the first class!

Self-concious about your nipples?

This is the worst attempt at studenting ever. Roast chicken!? I've had steak pie and chips for the last four nights in a row, because they were on offer in Tesco.

You know what thought did!

Not I, said the Walrus. I didn't even know you could get Rovers hoodies. I might invest in one...

I can't fit any coins into my skinny jeans!

When I was in the office at Stark's Park buying my season ticket, I was reaching for my wallet saying "I've got my student card here somewhere..." when the bloke says "Don't worry about it, you look like a student." Shite

I'm not as kind as Toma No face saving for you!

Aye, most supermarkets stock it. You might have to settle for tins, rather than bottles. A decent sized store should have the bottles too though.

Put them on for 5 minutes...

I have a cripple, lacking in confidence. I keep telling him that it's his own fault for sitting on his arse alone all day, but he's too shy to even stand up to me and fight about it.

But you're da man

This week... 5 hours. Next week... 6 hours. The very most I'll have in a single week, until Christmas, is a whole SEVEN hours of "work".