Barry Ferguson's Hat

Non-binary haircuts should be accepted and embraced.

And I'd happily drink it again.

I once had a cup of that coffee made from the coffee beans shat out by a monkey and it's effects were better than some Es I've taken.

THIS. IS. FOOTBALL.

Any elephants looking to live in a European zoo should be forced to walk through the Alps first.

Would never have happened with the Corporation buses.

My sister once had a rather disturbing encounter with Ally McCoist (steady). She's been a chiropractor for a number of years now, but not long after she started seeing her own patients she noticed that she had an appointment scheduled with a certain 'Alistair McCoist'. She's not into football, but was aware of who he was and was a little surprised when it turned out to be the Alistair McCoist. It was a fairly straightforward appointment, but as part of the treatment my sister had to check that both legs were of an equal length (sounds ridiculous to me, but apparently its not uncommon for one to be shorter than the other). For this part my sister generally lets patients keep their shoes on so long as the soles are fairly flat. The relatively flat soles can help in identifying any discrepancies in the length of the legs. In this case, however, one of Ally's shoes was absolutely caked in dog shite. Not a thin spread either, quite a thick coating and still reasonably moist. Absolutely disgusted, but managing to be as professional as possible, my sister asked Ally to remove his shoes so she could perform the treatment. Off came the shoes, but now it was apparent that his sock on the same foot was also absolutely covered in shite. Not even just around the ankles either, as if he'd stood on a shite and it had squelched upwards, but all over the heel and arch. It was as if he'd stood on a shite in socks, managed not to notice then put on his shoes and stood on the same shite. Utterly appalled, my sister sped through the rest of the appointment and got him the f**k out of there.

I was on holiday in Praia da Luz a month after she went missing and saw Kate McCann a couple of times while I was there. Shame, if my parents had just held off from booking it for a couple of months they could have got it a fair bit cheaper.

Wow! Enough room for the clubs and an industrial-sized box of Quavers!

Croatia have been an absolute gang for years.

Keep it as it is and spend the money on new players instead.

Not really getting the criticism for their lack of knowledge of things outside the Central Belt. That's a pretty niche thing to be knowledgeable about and something that the entire BBC Alba channel is designed to cater for.

Think you'll find he's a ledge, m9.

Ye cannae beat it.

A combination of Aldi and Lidl butter.

I went into the Boots at the top of Buchanan Street a few weeks back, only to discover that it's essentially a sandwich shop. Is the Boots meal deal actually any good?

Open letter required, IMO.

Driving is scary and dangerous.

No-one in their right mind would swap Cumbernauld for Raith.

No-one in their right mind would swap Cumbernauld for Paisley.

Sporting LisBINNED

Morton aren't a big enough club to get David Hopkin or Danny Lennon.

I've lined up a few on FM and sent an email off to DL. I'm talking 20+ goals a season strikers here. Exciting times ahead.

On FM you can usually pick up decent Eastern European regens to bolster your attack for absolute buttons. I know FM is only a game, but maybe a recruitment avenue to consider.