Barry Ferguson's Hat

Limmy is the best.

With the uncertainty over what Brexit will mean for the local fishing industry casting an ominous shadow over the Peterhead players this season, I would that expect Clyde will come out on top.

Clue: I went with him.

I did think it up myself. My mum has no interest in football so I have no idea why you would think she'd be helping me make up a nickname for the team that represents a fourth-world town. For what it's worth, The Parsnips should be seen as an endearing nickname as a roasted parsnip is a highlight of the Sunday roast.

It says quite a lot about Dunfermline that Will Flood has chosen to live and work in one of the world's most impoverished nations after spending little over a week with The Parsnips.

Can't wait to see me Marie leading the chants whilst brandishing a flare as though she'd just pulled the sword from the stone.

The vast majority of posts on the League 2 part of the forum are on Clyde threads so I suppose it's just a numbers game, really.

Out boys club will beat your first team. Losers. And our firm will absolutely annihalte yours.

You are a piece of shit.

There's a guy down the chip shop swears he's Xxxtentacion.

I've got another willie they can sniff.

This is Gauld's gaulden chance now that he's been brought back in from the gauld.

My main concern is that our last league game is on the 4th of May whilst the Scottish Cup Final is on the 25th. Quite a gap between competitive games.

I'm sure that when I was a wee boy, so maybe up to 20 years ago, I remember seeing a story on the news about one of the SPL sides having one goalpost shorter than the other so that the crossbar ran at a weird angle. This was only noticed when someone hit a thunderb*****d from way out on the wing that cannoned off the bar when, by rights, it should have went screaming into the top corner. If I've remembered this correctly then not even having proper goalposts is pretty tinpot.

Is this show supposed to be funny? The pilot episode is utterly ludicrous.

Agreed. John Rankin.

This needs dredged up every so often, purely for the reference of Cowdenbeath being 'The Chicago of Fife'.

A man who aims is no man at all.

The Hibs top would look much better with white hoops.

Must be a weird experience for the brothers when they sit down with the family for Christmas dinner knowing that they've wanked each other off. That said, it's probably a much weirder experience to actually w**k off your brother.

There's nothing quite like finding T in the most unexpected places. A few years ago I was heading to have a few drinks at a beach in Sydney and was tasked with getting the beers in for myself and my Scottish mate. Upon entering the walk-in fridge of the local offie, my eyes met the most wondrous of sights - a 24 pack of Tennent's 's. No-where else on the entire Australian continent had I seen such a thing and initially I thought it must have been a mirage. But no, it was the real thing and without hesitating I grabbed myself a case and made my way to the checkout. It cost the equivalent of £40 but was worth every last cent just to see my mate's face light up as I proudly, with chest puffed out, strolled across the beach with the sun glinting from those magnificent silver cans. Another strange occurrence was when, within seconds of arriving in the city of Dunedin in New Zealand, I spotted two Kiwi students sitting cross legged in between two parked cars at the side of the street, drinking the Amber nectar. They couldn't have been more helpful in pointing me to where I could indulge my viTamin requirements, even telling me of a nearby pub that sold it as well as rolls and haggis. Some say Tennent's doesn't travel well, but sometimes it's these beacons of lighT that keep me travelling.

I used to work with a guy that was genuinely mentally unstable. Every so often he would just sit and stare into the distance, laughing manically. On more than one occasion he tried to microwave his lunchtime porridge in a metal bowl and seemed genuinely surprised when someone ran over to stop him. The most bizarre thing I saw him do, however, was after finding a coin on the ground, he took out a plastic bag from his pocket that contained his loose change as well as what looked like crushed strawberries all mixed together. The most concerning thing at the time was that there was a big group of us working in a shipyard, performing menial tasks until spaces opened up on the boats that we were ultimately going to be living and working on. It was inevitable that some of us were going to end up stuck on a pretty small boat for two weeks at a time in dangerous working conditions in very remote areas with someone who appeared to be insane. Luckily, I didn't get stuck with him, but I later met someone who had worked on the same boat as him who said his bunk mate would regularly wake up to this guy sitting in the middle of the floor in the darkness just laughing.

9 isn't a prime no go. 7 and 11, however...

I imagine there's a staggering correlation between those who teabag the unconscious and those who voted for Brexit.

Unos dos tres cuatro - everybody's changing and I don't feel the same. Seriously, someone make this epic collab happen.