Depression

[capybara]

Macmillan  nurse came to see my dad to day. She was great. Hoping to get some help re carers allowance as I am looking after both my parents these days. I have some better days than others. I have to go back to my doc in the New Year so he can assess my medication. Still he wants to stay up tomorrow. I would happily go to bed at six..

[marty_j]

On 12/23/2016 at 20:28, D.A.F.C said:

Can anyone advise if there is no b&h policy readily available? I've also never seen or been told about the grievance or disciplinary procedure either.

If I mention it, even in confidence I fear it will be talked about.

After getting singled out and harshly treated in my last workplace, five years ago I was low on confidence and jumped into another job. Straight away it seemed off also. I was immediately put down by a senior manager and a couple of others who were in their inner circle. So straight away I'm thinking, have I been given a bad reference? Do they know?

Also I was on a trial period so obviously if I had a go back it was goodbye.

Despite this I knocked my pan in and was quickly given good reviews, there was a group of workers who had been there for years and they weren't comfortable with the new guys and a few also picked me out due to lack of confidence, being quiet and for perhaps being a threat.

Spreading rumours, running to the supervisor, sabotaging stuff and trying to lock me in a room. Another person who started the same time as me was also backstabbing and making me out to be a problem. Sitting with me one minute then telling others they couldn't get away from me. I told them to do one basically and ever since they've poisoned several others.

From all of this plus the addition of a serial bully as a supervisor and his lackey who spies on people it's pretty much turned into a workplace mobbing situation.

Ive had over two years of this shite and have tried to discuss it with the supervisor informally. I've now realised they are lying constantly and turning people against each other.

I could go on and on but basically I've now started recording it in a diary. 

Would it be worth writing down stuff that happened in the past even if I don't have the dates?

Indirect physical threats and intimidation.

knowingly picking favourites despite lack of skills, experience and qualifications.

lying at appraisals

character assassination 

homophobic insults

turning others against me

lack of resources needed to perform role, then being called a baby for asking for them

no training but training given to others

Giving worker perks or lack of work but overworking others

allowing and encouraging others to bully colleagues

racism

running the department by fear and intimidation, threatening people with the sack, shouting etc

lying at an interview

Its absolutely unbearable unless you are one of the golden children who do whatever they want, which is usually f**k all.

I really don't know what the outcome of raising a grievance would be other than a massive cover up and blaming me as paranoid or weird. Just absolutely sick of the BS and the way it's effecting my life outside work and others around me.

I know the answer is find another job but I don't want to keep running from arseholes.

Hi mate, I can only give you advice from my perspective but hope it helps. 

Firstly - what kind of organisation do you work for. Any biggish company will have a policy for B&H - it will be bog standard but will exist along with grievance procedure etc. Do you have an HR department? Call them and ask for a copy. This action alone can raise alarm bells and they may well try and find out whats going on - this can often sort problems as the bullies get wind and shit themselves and stop. You might not be able to but even just saying things like - "I find your tone very intimating and feel like you are harrasing me - please stop" can be enough - this worked for a colleague of mine. Manager who was bullying actually went white and asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink. Without fully knowing you or exact situation that may be an impossible thing to do.

You are doing the correct thing keeping a diary - continue with this as it will be invaluable if you choose to or indeed can instigate a formal grievance. Don't worry about exact dates just record what you can.

Are you in a union? If so speak to local rep or union regional office for support and advice.

The homophobic and racist insults is a concern and the one thing that will have your HR dept shitting it as legally this is a minefield - it should be construed as a hate crime so make sure you accurately record these instances.

Good attitude though not running away - the grievance MAY be a cover up but rest assured it will be used sometime in the future against the culprits re organisations for example.

My main bit of advice would be tackle it head on - otherwise it will fester - you will end up exploding and getting into bother. Keep your nose clean, work hard. Join a union if you can - failing that maybe go to CAB?

Good luck - hope 2017 goes better mate.

[NorthernJambo]

Happy to new year to all good folks involved here. 2016 probably been the worst year mentally for myself but it's done now and made it through so it's all good [emoji106]

[The Ginger Prince]

Happy new year to all the posters on here who fight this b*****d on a daily basis.

All the best chaps & chapettes

[Theo Snelders]

Yep, Happy New Year to all on here- better days are ahead. They always are.

Been a shite year having been told I also have PTSD, so 2017 is the year things have to change.

[Shandon Par]

52 minutes ago, Theo Snelders said:

 been told I also have PTSD

The Queens Park game?

[Theo Snelders]

5 minutes ago, Shandon Par said:

The Queens Park game?

Thankfully nothing as bad as that Shandon

[Shandon Par]

1 minute ago, Theo Snelders said:

Thankfully nothing as bad as that Shandon

You don't mean,,,  not the Stenny game?? Take care of yourself/your brain anyway. 

[Theo Snelders]

Oh, it might have been the 9-0 horror show at Parkhead,lol. Don't worry, brain is on the mend Have a good New Year

Edited January 1, 2017 by Theo Snelders

[D.A.F.C]

Hi mate, I can only give you advice from my perspective but hope it helps. 
Firstly - what kind of organisation do you work for. Any biggish company will have a policy for B&H - it will be bog standard but will exist along with grievance procedure etc. Do you have an HR department? Call them and ask for a copy. This action alone can raise alarm bells and they may well try and find out whats going on - this can often sort problems as the bullies get wind and shit themselves and stop. You might not be able to but even just saying things like - "I find your tone very intimating and feel like you are harrasing me - please stop" can be enough - this worked for a colleague of mine. Manager who was bullying actually went white and asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink. Without fully knowing you or exact situation that may be an impossible thing to do.
You are doing the correct thing keeping a diary - continue with this as it will be invaluable if you choose to or indeed can instigate a formal grievance. Don't worry about exact dates just record what you can.
Are you in a union? If so speak to local rep or union regional office for support and advice.
The homophobic and racist insults is a concern and the one thing that will have your HR dept shitting it as legally this is a minefield - it should be construed as a hate crime so make sure you accurately record these instances.
Good attitude though not running away - the grievance MAY be a cover up but rest assured it will be used sometime in the future against the culprits re organisations for example.
My main bit of advice would be tackle it head on - otherwise it will fester - you will end up exploding and getting into bother. Keep your nose clean, work hard. Join a union if you can - failing that maybe go to CAB?
Good luck - hope 2017 goes better mate.

Thanks so much. Really appreciate the advice I told one of the nasty fuckers I was going to hr and they went white and shat themselves. Have decided that 2017 is a clean slate and will record or report anything and ask hr for advice. f**k this this I've spent hours worrying family members and sleep over this. It's over the end.

[ICTChris]

Article about depression and anxiety by Isabel Hardman, political journalist

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/isabel-hardman-mind-stopped-working-realised-just-badly-treat/

[Adam]

Been debating whether to post this or not recently.

I feel so down and worthless. My marriage broke down about seven months ago. I knew things weren't going well, but I didn't take it that well. I moved out five months ago, rented a nice flat literally a two minute walk from my old house, so very close by for my kids and obviously still see them loads as a result. They love to stay at my house and have taken the family split much better than I anticipated really. I'm also getting on with my ex much better than I was when we were together.

I was dating a girl recently, probably the nicest, most thoughtful and understanding person I have ever met, but it was quite full on fairly early (neither of our faults really, we got swept up quite quickly), I thought it was going too fast and, if I'm honest with myself, I was terrified of getting to a stage where we maybe considered moving in together, and it breaking down and ending up back at square one, so I ended it as I don't think I could go through it again.

I sometimes can't help but feel that I've totally fucked my life. I can't see me ever owning a house, I basically live from one wage to the next and after my last two relationships, I genuinely doubt I will ever be with someone and be able to trust them.

I've got a pretty good job, I earn enough that I can afford to live on my own in a nice house with my children and have some money to spend on a night out or whatever. I know that there are people in situations that are a million times worse than mine, so instantly I feel guilty that I am upset and angry at how my life has turned out.

Two days after NY I was walking to the bus stop after working an overtime shift at work, nothing bad had happened that day, and I, very rationally, was talking to myself about how I could throw myself in front of a bus and be done with it. I've felt pretty terrible in the past, as it has been a massive change in my life in the last twelve months, but it was only when I got home and made some dinner that it frightened me how rational and accepting I had been that I could have killed myself, and how I was quite happy at the thought of not being alive anymore.

I have terrible trouble sleeping at night. Even with sleeping tablets from my Doctor I am lucky if I get four hours in total. I have started going for walks, both when I have the kids and when I don't, I try my best to do anything but sit in the house, drinking tea or beer and feeling sorry for myself, keeping active etc... but I still really struggle to sleep. I have terrible nightmares, recurring ones in which I do awful, terrible things, and that worries me about sleeping at night.

It's just been a shanner of a year really.

[NorthernJambo]

Do you feel any worse for posting it, Adam? They say it's good to talk...I assume they meant via P&B. I'm sure most folk go through hard times and opening up about it can only be healthy. c***s are quick enough to shout about things being the best ever

[Boostin' Kev]

Start looking for professional help in your area this weekend and contact the ones you think are most appropriate on Monday morning.  There should be free options that hopefully won;t take too long to get an appointment.

[Adam]

Do you feel any worse for posting it, Adam? They say it's good to talk...I assume they meant via P&B. I'm sure most folk go through hard times and opening up about it can only be healthy. c***s are quick enough to shout about things being the best ever

No, I am not sorry for posting it, I don't feel any better for posting it even though literally no one, not even my Doctor, knows how I am feeling. It's strange, I would never dream of posting anything like this on FB, and there are a few posters on here who know me well, but I guess it is a bit of a safe haven really for posting how you feel.

I've been reading lots about grief and stuff, and I think I'm probably still grieving for my marriage and my relationship with the girl I was going out with too. I have said it a million times to myself, but I think if I had met her one year from now, I would have married her.

Just one of these things really. Think I'm just going to stay single, but then I don't really enjoy my own company that much and if I have nothing to do, such as swimming or have the kids, or see friends, I end up in the pub or sitting on my own feeling shite about everything.

[Boostin' Kev]

Just read you haven't spoken to the doc yet.  Given the seriousness of what you're talking about that might be the best idea.

[NorthernJambo]

No, I am not sorry for posting it, I don't feel any better for posting it even though literally no one, not even my Doctor, knows how I am feeling. It's strange, I would never dream of posting anything like this on FB, and there are a few posters on here who know me well, but I guess it is a bit of a safe haven really for posting how you feel.

I've been reading lots about grief and stuff, and I think I'm probably still grieving for my marriage and my relationship with the girl I was going out with too. I have said it a million times to myself, but I think if I had met her one year from now, I would have married her.

Just one of these things really. Think I'm just going to stay single, but then I don't really enjoy my own company that much and if I have nothing to do, such as swimming or have the kids, or see friends, I end up in the pub or sitting on my own feeling shite about everything.

No, sorry. Think you've picked me up wrong. I didn't mean for you to feel sorry or regret posting it. More you don't feel worse for posting so in that way it was the right thing to do. Agree with Keith re the pro help but that's me being hypocritical because I haven't. I just bottle it up and exclude myself from social. It's a real pity about the marriage splitting up and probably even more a shame that the next relationship didn't work out. Life can be a real shitter sometimes.

[8MileBU]

Been debating whether to post this or not recently.

I feel so down and worthless. My marriage broke down about seven months ago. I knew things weren't going well, but I didn't take it that well. I moved out five months ago, rented a nice flat literally a two minute walk from my old house, so very close by for my kids and obviously still see them loads as a result. They love to stay at my house and have taken the family split much better than I anticipated really. I'm also getting on with my ex much better than I was when we were together.

I was dating a girl recently, probably the nicest, most thoughtful and understanding person I have ever met, but it was quite full on fairly early (neither of our faults really, we got swept up quite quickly), I thought it was going too fast and, if I'm honest with myself, I was terrified of getting to a stage where we maybe considered moving in together, and it breaking down and ending up back at square one, so I ended it as I don't think I could go through it again.

I sometimes can't help but feel that I've totally fucked my life. I can't see me ever owning a house, I basically live from one wage to the next and after my last two relationships, I genuinely doubt I will ever be with someone and be able to trust them.

I've got a pretty good job, I earn enough that I can afford to live on my own in a nice house with my children and have some money to spend on a night out or whatever. I know that there are people in situations that are a million times worse than mine, so instantly I feel guilty that I am upset and angry at how my life has turned out.

Two days after NY I was walking to the bus stop after working an overtime shift at work, nothing bad had happened that day, and I, very rationally, was talking to myself about how I could throw myself in front of a bus and be done with it. I've felt pretty terrible in the past, as it has been a massive change in my life in the last twelve months, but it was only when I got home and made some dinner that it frightened me how rational and accepting I had been that I could have killed myself, and how I was quite happy at the thought of not being alive anymore.

I have terrible trouble sleeping at night. Even with sleeping tablets from my Doctor I am lucky if I get four hours in total. I have started going for walks, both when I have the kids and when I don't, I try my best to do anything but sit in the house, drinking tea or beer and feeling sorry for myself, keeping active etc... but I still really struggle to sleep. I have terrible nightmares, recurring ones in which I do awful, terrible things, and that worries me about sleeping at night.

It's just been a shanner of a year really.

I'll be honest - that wasn't a nice read mate. Genuinely hope you lift yourself up soon. Like you say, it's just been a tough year for you and I'm sure things will pick up. Unfortunately there's no time frame for getting over these things but you just need to soldier on for both you and your kids sake.

Heid up mate. PM/DM any time if you've anything you just want to get off your chest.

[heedthebaa]

2 hours ago, Adam said:

Been debating whether to post this or not recently.

I feel so down and worthless. My marriage broke down about seven months ago. I knew things weren't going well, but I didn't take it that well. I moved out five months ago, rented a nice flat literally a two minute walk from my old house, so very close by for my kids and obviously still see them loads as a result. They love to stay at my house and have taken the family split much better than I anticipated really. I'm also getting on with my ex much better than I was when we were together.

I was dating a girl recently, probably the nicest, most thoughtful and understanding person I have ever met, but it was quite full on fairly early (neither of our faults really, we got swept up quite quickly), I thought it was going too fast and, if I'm honest with myself, I was terrified of getting to a stage where we maybe considered moving in together, and it breaking down and ending up back at square one, so I ended it as I don't think I could go through it again.

I sometimes can't help but feel that I've totally fucked my life. I can't see me ever owning a house, I basically live from one wage to the next and after my last two relationships, I genuinely doubt I will ever be with someone and be able to trust them.

I've got a pretty good job, I earn enough that I can afford to live on my own in a nice house with my children and have some money to spend on a night out or whatever. I know that there are people in situations that are a million times worse than mine, so instantly I feel guilty that I am upset and angry at how my life has turned out.

Two days after NY I was walking to the bus stop after working an overtime shift at work, nothing bad had happened that day, and I, very rationally, was talking to myself about how I could throw myself in front of a bus and be done with it. I've felt pretty terrible in the past, as it has been a massive change in my life in the last twelve months, but it was only when I got home and made some dinner that it frightened me how rational and accepting I had been that I could have killed myself, and how I was quite happy at the thought of not being alive anymore.

I have terrible trouble sleeping at night. Even with sleeping tablets from my Doctor I am lucky if I get four hours in total. I have started going for walks, both when I have the kids and when I don't, I try my best to do anything but sit in the house, drinking tea or beer and feeling sorry for myself, keeping active etc... but I still really struggle to sleep. I have terrible nightmares, recurring ones in which I do awful, terrible things, and that worries me about sleeping at night.

It's just been a shanner of a year really.

Sorry to hear this bud. I can't relate personally to your problems, but can to feeling like utter shite. As KK says, get yourself to your GP, sooner the better. I waited two years to do so and it was two years wasted in a shitey wilderness. All the best 

[well fan for life]

Think I mentioned this on another thread about my recent experiences.

I'd probably say the past 4-5 weeks has been the lowest I've ever felt in my life in my own head. The whole of last year was a never-ending shitstorm, various health issues in the family (both mental & physical issues) culminating in me finding my uncle dead in his living room one morning. Not necessarily a shock as he had been ill for years but still something I don't think I'm over completely.

Currently I'm going through the worst break up of my life. The girl I was convinced I'd spend the rest of my life with split up with me before Christmas and it's been entirely her decision. She's made some bad choices, but I still care about her a lot and I sit wracked with anxiety that I could end up not being with her. She was feeling there were problems in the relationship but didn't want to open up about them because she hates rocking the boat and it's resulted in this absolute nightmare for me. I've found myself waking up in the night having proper nightmares about her fairly often since.

I've ended up just taking days off work to sit in bed, which I know for a fact isn't healthy.

Pretty much the last 7-8 months has absolutely kicked me into the ground and every time I think I can turn it round it feels like it just gets worse.

Venting at a football forum is a strange step to take, but I wanted to put this out there.