Depression

[Stellaboz]

You situation is spookily similar to mine in the way I lost my parents.

I finally, finally got their old place emptied and closed the door on it for the last time yesterday. Can't express the relief that has brought. Will probably be mixed emotions tomorrow, but it's brought me even closer to my brother and my godmother throughout all this... And my gf has got to know them a lot better too which had been tremendous.

[psv_killie]

On 9/7/2018 at 15:00, ??? said:

Already changed my attitude to work in the lead up to saving for house and going holidays and wedding.   Currently registered to do an open uni course for my maths that is required for entering uni if I go for the Post Grad.  Problem with doing a Post Grad in teaching is you do placements and it is a FT course for 9 months.  It'd be a step back for 2 forward but there is a fear of failure inside me also.  Job pays roughly about 25k a year which is excellent considering it is a non skilled job just scared to leave it and end up in a worse paying job if the post grad fell on its arse. 

Well done you for signing up for the open uni course.

Fear of failure, i feel your pain! Theres no secret to this, its just a case of putting yourself out there and taking what comes your way. good or bad. Failure sounds bad and it's a bitch when it arrives but as annoying as it sounds it is a required element for success.

don't be hard on yourself you are already making positive steps. good luck with the maths

[RH33]

On 07/09/2018 at 15:00, ??? said:

Already changed my attitude to work in the lead up to saving for house and going holidays and wedding.   Currently registered to do an open uni course for my maths that is required for entering uni if I go for the Post Grad.  Problem with doing a Post Grad in teaching is you do placements and it is a FT course for 9 months.  It'd be a step back for 2 forward but there is a fear of failure inside me also.  Job pays roughly about 25k a year which is excellent considering it is a non skilled job just scared to leave it and end up in a worse paying job if the post grad fell on its arse. 

Don’t know where you are, but some councils are working with Aberdeen Uni and you can do post grad p/t using annual leave or unpaid leave for when on placement. 

I did a credit transfer to the open uni and I’ve just gained my BAHon despite all manner of shit happening. I’ve just started my masters in psychology but not with the OU. Found studying gave me a focus when my mental health is in shite place. 

[Raidernation]

Since I left school on Friday afternoon I have not spoken to, texted, emailed or had any interaction with another human, nor will I till I go back on Monday morning

[Priti priti priti Patel]

Seems the black dog is visiting this weekend. Struggling to do anything. Pretty much any activity even just eating breakfast feels emotionally painful. Verge of tears. Angry at myself for feeling this way. I feel trapped in work and too fucking down outside of work to do anything about it. I have not been enjoying work at all for a few months but I've started getting good at putting on a smiley face while I'm there, which has correlated with feeling worse when I'm at home. Had excellent feedback on a job interview on Thursday and was feeling fine yesterday. Ach weel. First time posting in this thread, so it must be bad. Going to do a Parkrun 5k now and see if the exercise helps

[Adam]

Seems the black dog is visiting this weekend. Struggling to do anything. Pretty much any activity even just eating breakfast feels emotionally painful. Verge of tears. Angry at myself for feeling this way. I feel trapped in work and too fucking down outside of work to do anything about it. I have not been enjoying work at all for a few months but I've started getting good at putting on a smiley face while I'm there, which has correlated with feeling worse when I'm at home. Had excellent feedback on a job interview on Thursday and was feeling fine yesterday. Ach weel. First time posting in this thread, so it must be bad. Going to do a Parkrun 5k now and see if the exercise helps

Exercise tends to help in my experience, keeping active and fit does a lot for your mental state.
Hopefully does the same for you.

[heedthebaa]

1 hour ago, Adam said:

 

Exercise tends to help in my experience, keeping active and fit does a lot for your mental state.
Hopefully does the same for you.

 

Does for me. When the darkness comes,  I put the trainers on with not a clue where I’m going at times and just walk

[philpy]

Visits from the black dog aplenty. Work is really getting to me, but I’m well paid, and I know if i leave I’ll be taking a decent drop in wages. I do ask myself, what’s more important, my health or my wealth?? My health isn’t the greatest, constant fatigue, and my moods are low, and I’m frightened that I’m going to snap at a customer soon. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow, as I have been getting a dull ache In my left testicle for a few weeks. I’ve rather stupidly been dismissing it is a strain, but I’m absolutely shitting myself that it’s worse than that. Leaving the house is becoming a chore. I just feel like shutting myself off from everyone and everything.

[paranoid android]

31 minutes ago, philpy said:

Visits from the black dog aplenty. Work is really getting to me, but I’m well paid, and I know if i leave I’ll be taking a decent drop in wages. I do ask myself, what’s more important, my health or my wealth?? My health isn’t the greatest, constant fatigue, and my moods are low, and I’m frightened that I’m going to snap at a customer soon. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow, as I have been getting a dull ache In my left testicle for a few weeks. I’ve rather stupidly been dismissing it is a strain, but I’m absolutely shitting myself that it’s worse than that. Leaving the house is becoming a chore. I just feel like shutting myself off from everyone and everything.

I always say health is more important that wealth, Philpy, but that's just me.

As hard as it can be to get out sometimes, it's important that you go to the doctor's tomorrow - maybe mention the depression thing as well.

Hope it goes well, man - let us know, if you feel like it.

[DA Baracus]

58 minutes ago, philpy said:

Visits from the black dog aplenty. Work is really getting to me, but I’m well paid, and I know if i leave I’ll be taking a decent drop in wages. I do ask myself, what’s more important, my health or my wealth?? My health isn’t the greatest, constant fatigue, and my moods are low, and I’m frightened that I’m going to snap at a customer soon. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow, as I have been getting a dull ache In my left testicle for a few weeks. I’ve rather stupidly been dismissing it is a strain, but I’m absolutely shitting myself that it’s worse than that. Leaving the house is becoming a chore. I just feel like shutting myself off from everyone and everything.

Definitely health over wealth. What's the point in wealth if you aren't happy and can't spend it?

Also I've been where you are re the ball thing. I also had it in my left testicle and was also shitting it. Went to the GP and was then referred to the hospital. Turned out to be a vesicle (totally harmless). Was a huge weight off my mind getting it seen to though.

[???]

On 09/09/2018 at 21:12, psv_killie said:

Well done you for signing up for the open uni course.

Fear of failure, i feel your pain! Theres no secret to this, its just a case of putting yourself out there and taking what comes your way. good or bad. Failure sounds bad and it's a bitch when it arrives but as annoying as it sounds it is a required element for success.

don't be hard on yourself you are already making positive steps. good luck with the maths

Thanks mate, have contacted my old school to go in a few mornings or afternoons to see what the day to day routine is, and see how it all works from a teaching perspective.

On 09/09/2018 at 21:23, Rowan said:

Don’t know where you are, but some councils are working with Aberdeen Uni and you can do post grad p/t using annual leave or unpaid leave for when on placement. 

I did a credit transfer to the open uni and I’ve just gained my BAHon despite all manner of shit happening. I’ve just started my masters in psychology but not with the OU. Found studying gave me a focus when my mental health is in shite place. 

I am in the central belt so Aberdeen wouldn't be an option unfortunately.  I have spoke with my wife over the past few days and she has said she would support my decision to go off work on the sick if it is making me feel as bad as I am. I am currently posting from work but am going to call the doctor today and set an appointment for after work.  Hoping to get a line for a few weeks and take it from there.  Just a bit worried as the last time I put in a line was when my son was born and I felt harassed into returning early.  On that occasion my now wife was in hospital with my son for a week during my paternity leave and I felt that I had to have additional time off to support them both.  I had a 2 week line for stress basically and was harassed into returning part time in my 2nd week of that.

 

My concern with going off sick just now is this harassment re-occurring and me doing something I regret.  Saw someone mention he felt he may snap at a customer, I have been on the verge of that a few times in the past week alone which indicates to me I am making the right move by going off work.  Going to speak to a Union rep today to see what the situation is with the work wanting meetings etc.  We get up to 6 months full pay if we are off provided we keep in touch etc so just have to find out what this entails.  The last time I was in a room with 2 managers and only me and felt pressured into returning, certainly won't be in that situation again so making sure I am clued up about the processes of it all. 

[???]

On 15/09/2018 at 08:45, Adam said:

 

Exercise tends to help in my experience, keeping active and fit does a lot for your mental state.
Hopefully does the same for you.

 

Definitely agree with this.  Have been struggling to do this as often as I was of late.  An active life and a balanced diet definitely help your mental state.

[Venti]

18 hours ago, philpy said:

Visits from the black dog aplenty. Work is really getting to me, but I’m well paid, and I know if i leave I’ll be taking a decent drop in wages. I do ask myself, what’s more important, my health or my wealth?? My health isn’t the greatest, constant fatigue, and my moods are low, and I’m frightened that I’m going to snap at a customer soon. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow, as I have been getting a dull ache In my left testicle for a few weeks. I’ve rather stupidly been dismissing it is a strain, but I’m absolutely shitting myself that it’s worse than that. Leaving the house is becoming a chore. I just feel like shutting myself off from everyone and everything.

Been there Philip. Felt a lump in my left baw few years ago & shat it. Got a GP appointment right away, then had a female doctor fondle me. Referred me to the Hospital & got an ultrasound.

Turned out it was nothing.

[grazza]

Really strugglng tonight on holiday with my brother and mutual friend and tried to open up as not happy way they have been treated just ignoring anything  I say but made things worse Just at stage can`t waste time with unsupportive folk decent people but not right company for me. Just got get through another day and  then holiday over.

[Raidernation]

I’m struggling.
I have a great job at a school I like with great people and great kids.
At home, I love my girls all is good, I get to spend time with my granddaughters.
But, I have no life. I have no friends here, I’m lonely as f**k.
I have tried dating via a proper dating site that is live and supposedly matches you with your “associate “ selecting based on a lot of time interviews and conversation.
I’m getting nowhere and I’m lonely and there are weekends where I leave school and the next time I speak to someone is Monday morning.
I hate it

[Dee Man]

1 hour ago, Raidernation said:

I’m struggling.
I have a great job at a school I like with great people and great kids.
At home, I love my girls all is good, I get to spend time with my granddaughters.
But, I have no life. I have no friends here, I’m lonely as f**k.
I have tried dating via a proper dating site that is live and supposedly matches you with your “associate “ selecting based on a lot of time interviews and conversation.
I’m getting nowhere and I’m lonely and there are weekends where I leave school and the next time I speak to someone is Monday morning.
I hate it

Have you tried meetup.com? Loads of different groups to meet up with depending on your interests. 

[Shandon Par]

5 hours ago, grazza said:

Really strugglng tonight on holiday with my brother and mutual friend and tried to open up as not happy way they have been treated just ignoring anything  I say but made things worse Just at stage can`t waste time with unsupportive folk decent people but not right company for me. Just got get through another day and  then holiday over.

Holidays can be tough. They’re not a miracle cure if you’re feeling down. Hope today goes okay for you.

[Dee Man]

36 minutes ago, Shandon Par said:

Holidays can be tough. They’re not a miracle cure if you’re feeling down. Hope today goes okay for you.

I think I've mentioned this before but I always remember Russell Brand saying that the problem with going on holiday to get away from it all is that your head is still with you, or words to that effect. 

[Shandon Par]

2 hours ago, Dee Man said:

I think I've mentioned this before but I always remember Russell Brand saying that the problem with going on holiday to get away from it all is that your head is still with you, or words to that effect. 

Just finished his “Recovery” book at the second attempt. First time it felt too painful so stopped a short way into it but listened to it as an audiobook and took a lot of comfort and inspiration from it. It’s essentially the AA style 12 steps but in his language:

1: Are you fucked?

2: Would you like to be less fucked?

etc

When someone has gone from a sex addicted, alcoholic binge eating drug addict to 14 years clean he’s worth listening to for some advice on your own life. 

[Ludo*1]

About 5 year ago, there was a suicide in my family to the person I was closest to. It didn't really affect me, I seemed to be in a bubble of sort and then 6 month after (It was actually New Years Eve) I met what I thought was the love of my life.

Anyways, the relationship was great for the first few year then like most relationships arguments started. Usually caused by me. Looking back, I was depressed then and used to cause a lot of bother for myself unnecessarily. Anyways, she eventually got fed up of me around January of this year. Little over a month later I found out she's now going with one of my old mates. This has crushed me. Since January I've been in a right low place and it feels like my bubble of 5 year ago has been burst too. Despite having plenty of friends, I've no interest (Partly because they still hang out with that other boy). I went to the doctor around 6 month ago and have been taking medication since. The past wee while has been my lowest and I can't help but feel I've blew what was my chance in life. I know, because everyone repeatedly tells me, that this isn't the case and stupid to think like that but it's still that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wake up with every single day.