Depression

[NotThePars]

I was given a disc on mindfulness off someone today. Planning to give it a go and start chilling out properly for at least 10 minutes a day.

[THE KING]

Will do mate - is that a website or a group or something?

Aye just google it theres plenty of free stuff out there , the NHS are into it in a big way now for dealing with stress , depression or chronic pain, its been used for millennia and can be a great way of helping yourself.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/mindfulness.aspx

Edited June 25, 2014 by THE KING

[Sir Kevin Of Kilsyth]

Might give that a bash.

Things looking up a bit. Got a job offer today. Just call centre stuff but its a start. Taking a step back to take 2 forward I like to think of it.

I still feel shite sometimes but not quite as bad. Money worries and feelings of uselessness still exist but should subside when I get up and running. Tablets coupled with not drinking much definetely helping.

I've came to the conclusion that it was without a doubt the job I was in that made me as bad as I was (I know it somewhat existed before that but nowhere near as bad). When I think of all the shit I took, I feel angry with myself for accepting it (used to be a hardman you know lol).

See how I go eh.

Edited June 30, 2014 by Sir Kevin Of Kilsyth

[ICTChris]

A guy I used to work with took his own life at the weekend. I didn't work that closely with him but I did do some work with him and played football with him, went for lunch with him and a few other colleagues a few times. Other colleagues adn friends did work closely with him, went out with him for smoke breaks, went for lunch with him every day. It must be absolutely devasting to have someone close to you, even a work friend, die like that.

He's the third former colleague who has taken their own life in the past 18 months, I can't even get my head around it.

[DAFC]

Been doing a lot of thinking in the last week or so about my situation for the last ten years or so.

I think that most of what happened to me was down or is down to a lack of confidence which ultimately came from somewhere around the time my friend decided to turn others against me.

Possibly the only reason this happened was due to a lack of confidence and being an easy target?

I've started to look externally for reasons or someone to blame but ultimately I need to change but I still seem to attract negative people who like to criticise or feed off my lack of confidence, or so it seems?

Other people who seem like total arseholes or or total munters seem to have lots of friends or can get a girlfriend no problem.

I've been going to the gym and exercising almost every day for a year but this hasn't really helped me socially but given me some confidence in myself.

Would appreciate some advice on how to seem confident and look like someone who won't take any shit and set boundaries.

I've always been quietish and think too much about what others think, starting to think that not caring is the way forward?

Just wish someone would take the time to try to break the surface but it's really hard to get past small talk with people at work or in other social situations.

It's like being stuck in a vicious circle where you want to change but every time you try some twat tries to wear you down again.

Of course everyone has setbacks and has to deal with these people but usually if there's a group I will get singled out due to lack of confidence.

My thread on narcissism went down like a tonne of bricks but I do feel that there is some truth in it and that I have been a target for these people for too long.

Getting a decent job, girlfriend and a couple of decent friends would turn my life around completely but feel like I don't know where to start.

Sorry if this sounds defeatist but it's been really tough over the last few years.

[Lisa Cuddy]

Been doing a lot of thinking in the last week or so about my situation for the last ten years or so.

I think that most of what happened to me was down or is down to a lack of confidence which ultimately came from somewhere around the time my friend decided to turn others against me.

Possibly the only reason this happened was due to a lack of confidence and being an easy target?

I've started to look externally for reasons or someone to blame but ultimately I need to change but I still seem to attract negative people who like to criticise or feed off my lack of confidence, or so it seems?

Other people who seem like total arseholes or or total munters seem to have lots of friends or can get a girlfriend no problem.

I've been going to the gym and exercising almost every day for a year but this hasn't really helped me socially but given me some confidence in myself.

Would appreciate some advice on how to seem confident and look like someone who won't take any shit and set boundaries.

I've always been quietish and think too much about what others think, starting to think that not caring is the way forward?

Just wish someone would take the time to try to break the surface but it's really hard to get past small talk with people at work or in other social situations.

It's like being stuck in a vicious circle where you want to change but every time you try some twat tries to wear you down again.

Of course everyone has setbacks and has to deal with these people but usually if there's a group I will get singled out due to lack of confidence.

My thread on narcissism went down like a tonne of bricks but I do feel that there is some truth in it and that I have been a target for these people for too long.

Getting a decent job, girlfriend and a couple of decent friends would turn my life around completely but feel like I don't know where to start.

Sorry if this sounds defeatist but it's been really tough over the last few years.

The bits in bold? Right there is where you're going to have a problem. You're still looking at external things that you think you need to have to be able to move forward.

No job will feel "decent" if you aren't in the frame of mind to do it.

You're looking for a girlfriend as a support. Even if you did get one, it's unlikely to make a difference in the long term if you're not in the right frame of mind.

Same goes for friends. You want these people to build you up and you have expectations of them before you've even found them. No one wants that kind of need from someone they've just met.

The best way to stop being an easy target and look like someone who won't take any shit is to stop taking any shit so you don't become an easy target. Confidence comes from you, not others. You don't need to start being an arsehole about it and it doesn't mean that you need to start throwing your weight around. It's about feeling comfortable enough with who you are that you don't find yourself getting steamrollered by other people.

[DAFC]

Deep down I know you are right, but after trying a new start in a job I felt like slowly the one or two nasty people tried to push the buttons of everyone and I didn't push back due to the last job and problems with that.

Wrong place, wrong time perhaps and it has shown me not to accept any behaviour but it's difficulty when you are just starting you don't want to push back too hard. I noticed another person who started the same time as me shouted and swore at the one or two arseholes and got more respect for that.

To be honest the workplace is probably a bit toxic at times so I'm not too worried about it, just need something more challenging.

Meeting new people is difficult when you don't have a circle of friends to hang out with, I'm trying to change jobs at the moment and after that might try joining a club or something social.

Will try to work on confidence and read up about how to fake it or appear more confident, hopefully people will treat me with more respect or the nasty ones will think twice.

I wouldn't say I'm bad socially just that due to the things happening if someone immediately puts me down infront of a crowd I buckle as it's like an open wound that's never had the time to heal. Most people have a chance to recover or have someone else around to stick a boot in.

When I look and analyse the situations and the people I feel that I can't believe a person so stupid got the better of me, it's like they are insecure and need to put down competition to make themselves look good.

Some of it is just normal banter but you wouldn't laugh at a disabled person in public but there is no sign above my head to say give me a break I've had enough BS to last me a lifetime so people probably think I'm weird because I don't fight back. It's hard to find the energy after five years of it in my last workplace, some of which was pretty bad.

Also most people are too busy getting on with their lives and have made their friends for life or got married and don't do much socially.

Will try to be more confident and I do think it would help stopping concentrating on it so much. Probably getting like a bit attention seeking and annoying maybe?

[SteelJag]

Been fucking awful recently, its not that im sad, sadness is a lovely horrible emotion but im just dead inside, nothing is going on in my brain except thoughts of wasted my youth and stuff. Social anxiety has been extreme recently, making me avoid contact with everyone. Started 50mg of Sertraline yesterday and finding it very rough so far but that's to be expected. Ive noticed that the results vary from person to person so i'm just trying to be optimistic.

[heedthebaa]

Sertraline takes around 6 weeks to kick in, so stay with it

[Reverend Maynard]

Anyone got any top tips for beating generalised anxiety disorder?

Family member who is "ok" but is very dependant on ageing parents. Not sure how much they want to help themselves get back to where they were.

Don't want to be labeled as interfering ( which I obviously am) but deep down I think they are terrified of change, so I'm looking for small steps they could take, as its causing a lot of worry for the parents who are not well themselves.

[Lisa Cuddy]

I'm most definitely not well just now. I'm in my final placement, yet I can't give it my full attention because I just don't seem to have it in me. I feel indifferent to just about everything at the moment, and the stuff I'm not indifferent about I just feel plain annoyed with for the most part. I've just spoken to my doctor who is signing me off for a week while I go away and concentrate on my academic work and try and get that into some sort of order (my final essay is due on Friday. I've written 247 words of it). Once that's done I'll hopefully be in a better position to stop worrying and just crack on. It's either that or I give in to my overwhelming temptation to say "f**k it all" and give up and as I've only got 8 weeks left, it'd be a bit fucking stupid. The doctor did ask if I wanted to come in and discuss medication. I really, really do not right now, no.

[YHallSaint]

Ive been pretty good lately and dealing with a lot at the same time. I'm currently homeless and have nowhere permanent until end of August. Couple days in the last few weeks I've had to wander about at night then head into work. My mums started radio therapy as she was diagnosed with breast cancer which has had its effects on me. Ive started a new job which is quite stressful but in myself i feel ok. I'm still hurting over my mate dying as at the time i never really took it in but again ive been finding the good in a bad situation. I'm turning 30 in a couple weeks and im not going to let anything get in the way of my goals because I've had to start right from the start and im not sure if i have it in me to start again.

Considering i came very close to not being here 3 months ago I'm finding positivity in things which previously would have killed me inside. Just need to keep going, in 6 weeks ill be fine but its seeming like a long way away

[Raidernation]

I would like to give all of you a big hug. I mean that in the nicest non-patronising sense.

Things are OK for me right now, not working, short of money, bills to pay, but I can cope with that, and I'm staying off the alcohol. Could be better, but I've been a lot worse, and I got through my shittiest time of year without any major problems, so onward and upward. I hope all of you find help and comfort where you need it.

I am glad to know that there is support here for when I'll, undoubtedly, need it in future. In the mean time, if anyone wants to talk privately, PM me.

[Lyle Lanley]

Been fucking awful recently, its not that im sad, sadness is a lovely horrible emotion but im just dead inside, nothing is going on in my brain except thoughts of wasted my youth and stuff. Social anxiety has been extreme recently, making me avoid contact with everyone. Started 50mg of Sertraline yesterday and finding it very rough so far but that's to be expected. Ive noticed that the results vary from person to person so i'm just trying to be optimistic.

If you want a chat anytime mate. Feel free to pm me

[Lyle Lanley]

Feeling like utter shit at the moment

[SweeperDee]

Feeling like utter shit at the moment

Drop me a pm bud.

[Lyle Lanley]

Drop me a pm bud.

Will do man

[BigMac29]

ok here goes

basically fucked up in the head for roughly past years

mainly social anxiety and slightly depressed

been given fluoxetine which has helped with the depression but not the SA

i am terrified of going out if it involves more than one person. I can cope if just goin out with someone and thats it

Anytime i am out all i can think of is just being back home cos i feel safe there

To compensate i end up getting smashed as a coping mechanism which sometimes leads to other problems

i have started a new job and its been going well but the work night out will arrive at some point

I want to fit in as much as i can but at the same time i want to keep myself to myself

Any others with social anxiety with tips on coping in the office?

[BigMac29]

8 years that should have read

[SweeperDee]

ok here goes

basically fucked up in the head for roughly past years

mainly social anxiety and slightly depressed

been given fluoxetine which has helped with the depression but not the SA

i am terrified of going out if it involves more than one person. I can cope if just goin out with someone and thats it

Anytime i am out all i can think of is just being back home cos i feel safe there

To compensate i end up getting smashed as a coping mechanism which sometimes leads to other problems

i have started a new job and its been going well but the work night out will arrive at some point

I want to fit in as much as i can but at the same time i want to keep myself to myself

Any others with social anxiety with tips on coping in the office?

First of all, it's good that you've opened up and shared your feelings. The best way I find when dealing with negative emotions is speaking to someone about it and going over it vocally or by text.

Secondly, if you don't mind me asking; what are the thoughts that go through your head when you're faced with the issue of decent sized social gatherings? Do you feel like you won't add anything to the dynamic? Or do you feel like they don't like you?

If you're faced with these negative thoughts, it's good to challenge them, whether it be through the aid of your own self-prescribed positive thinking or through therapy from an external source.

One of the main underlying issues when it comes to social anxiety is that when an individual suffers from it they have a tendency to "mind read" or try and predict what other people around them think. If you don't do this then feel free to call me out on it; but when a person does this they tend to filter what they think are other people's thoughts through their negative scope.

Please don't hesitate to drop me a pm if you want to talk about things further. I would stress though that your first course of action should be to talk to a professional on the matter. They can guide you through the appropriate process in dealing with your issue.

Much love.

Edited August 2, 2014 by DonnieDarko