BFTD Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Wrong I'm afraid! The jobs are spread between Fife, Aberdeen and Dundee. Fuckin' boo! Cheat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 My one was actually #3. I only had 3 overdrafts at the one time. Cue a load of "False, because I actually shagged TWO sheep that night". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Cue a load of "False, because I actually shagged TWO sheep that night". I've opened Pandora's Box... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I've opened Pandora's Box... Was that Pandora who used to hang around Lourenzos I think I've opened that box too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dillinger Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I am 111 years old. Someone fired two bullets at me. I have been married twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I am 111 years old. Someone fired two bullets at me. I have been married twice. It's surely got to be #1? If so, I'll throw in a second, sportier version to keep it going: 1. I played as a sub in a high school rugby match against Dollar Academy without actually knowing the rules (despite going to after-school training for months) and had to be subbed for constantly giving away penalties for tackling off the ball etc. It's true. Wikipedia or home internet wasn't around then for quick reference... because that's a reasonable excuse. It was my first and last game of any sort in which we got pumped sixty or seventy something nil. 2. As a youngster, I once picked up and threw Jesper Parnevik's ball to his caddy after it landed in the rough beside me and my dad during the Open Championship at Troon. False. His caddy threw me the (Titleist something) ball at the end of the match. 3. Despite no running experience of any sort, I once won a 800m event at Pitreavie Stadium in jeans and converse style canvas shoes after taking the place of my suddenly injured friend. Not having a clue how to approach it, I sprinted the first 400m lap to set up a miserable (and very, very close) final lap before I spewed all over the track at the finish line in front of a few hundred people. True. It was only a Fife Scouts athletics event though which I was simply dragged along to to support my brother. After retiring that day, I still retain my 100% winning record which makes me more successful than Usain Bolt imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I am 111 years old. Someone fired two bullets at me. I have been married twice. Still not prepared to address the rumours about your "pistol", I see Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracowjambo Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I dunno how to add spoilers. 1. I had a fight with hmfc kickback favourite(I'm sure he has a gif) karate Keith after a derby and he pulled a rape alarm. true. He went mental at me for saying mon the hibs after a derby :lol 2. I enjoy sniffing women underwear. I started at 16yo and continue to do so if I get the chance. TRUE we all have our dirty secrets 3. I won £2500 at the bookies from £1 in 30 mins. Lies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I dunno how to add spoilers. Just type: [ s p o i l e r ] Text to be hidden goes here [ / s p o i l e r ] ... minus the spaces of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracowjambo Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Just type: [ s p o i l e r ] Text to be hidden goes here [ / s p o i l e r ] ... minus the spaces of course. Thanks I will add them now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dillinger Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Still not prepared to address the rumours about your "pistol", I see Who the Fook is pistol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Adolesence-themed attempt: 1. When I was 15, I tried to kill myself by cutting off my cock when I had a boner. False. Thought about it, but it didn't seem like the best of images to leave my family with 2. When I was 10, a big laddie in my class who'd already started puberty forced me to give him a handjob. True. I was that laddie, and I've been forcing it upon myself ever since 3. I didn't realise that I could peel back my foreskin until I was 15. True. Snapped it right back over the glans during a careless wanking incident, before running about like an idiot thinking I'd broken it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarraJag Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Just type: [ s p o i l e r ] Text to be hidden goes here [ / s p o i l e r ] ... minus the spaces of course. Testing this out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 Who the Fook is pistol! ^^^ not really John Dillinger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dillinger Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I was in bed with three girls one night. Shagged two of them Had cornflakes in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I was in bed with three girls one night. Shagged two of them Had cornflakes in the morning. Syphilis. You had syphilis in the morning. HTH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 2. I enjoy sniffing women underwear. I started at 16yo and continue to do so if I get the chance. I've never understood #2. Are there classes you can attend, like wine tasting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracowjambo Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 I've never understood #2. Are there classes you can attend, like wine tasting? It's more a amateur hobby, give it a try you might like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 It's more a amateur hobby, give it a try you might like it. I gave a brief try once - it was pants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted September 28, 2014 Share Posted September 28, 2014 1. I played as a sub in a high school rugby match against Dollar Academy without actually knowing the rules (despite going to after-school training for months) and had to be subbed for constantly giving away penalties for tackling off the ball etc. It's true. Wikipedia or home internet wasn't around then for quick reference... because that's a reasonable excuse. It was my first and last game of any sort in which we got pumped sixty or seventy something nil. I knew this one wasn't a lie because I was asked to play in that game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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