Stupid Names For Kids

[Bold Rover]

In 1996 when the Boldette was born, the maternity hospital was buzzing with the rumour that one of its recent products had been named Pocahontas. I immediately dismissed this as scurrilous, only - years later - to meet her and her parents.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

It could have been worse Mr Two Dogs Fucking.

[Lisa Cuddy]

My cousin is pregnant and due day now. A friend of hers is constantly giving advice about speeding things up, usually suggesting something that she tried when she was pregnant with her son, Kamuran.

Took me fucking ages, trying to figure out how to pronounce it, before I twigged that she just can't spell Cameron.

[chomp my root]

It could have been worse Mr Two Dogs Fucking.

One of my favourite jokes that. Its all about the build up though.

[tamthebam]

In my daughter's nursery class there is a Kynnidie.

Im not even sure I know what it is supposed to be.

I heard of a name spelled "Kenadie" today and I put it down to poor education. This is because my mum's (male) cousin was called Kennedy (the proper spelling). He had the good sense to emigrate to Canada though. The family always called him Kenny.

One of her Uncles was called Kitchener- he was known as Kitchie.

Could be worse:

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/jun/20/kosovan-albanians-name-children-tony-blair-tonibler

[Jarkko Wiss]

Lennon.

[Believe The Hype]

I know a Gregor McGregor, an old boy called Joe Kerr and met someone once whose name was Mafu (pronounced Mathew because his mum couldn't spell apparently)

[TheScarf]

I work with a Robert Robertson.

[Hedgecutter]

It could have been worse Mr Two Dogs Fucking.

One of my favourite jokes that. Its all about the build up though.

I'm still not getting this and it's annoying me. Anybody kind enough to explain?

[Monster]

My mate (posts on here too) works in a money exchange booth and told me of one solemn occasion where a mother shouted at her bairn: "Behave yersel', Cabernet!"

This seems to be a ned trend, naming your sprog after the drink you were pished on when you got pregnant.

Lambrini is another one I've heard.

My favourite ever is apparently an urban legend, unfortunately: 'Versace McLatchie.'

[Ranaldo Bairn]

Elton John Merriman was in the year below me at school.

It's the mis-spellings of sensible names that do my head in, like Kamuran above, or the myriad ways to spell Siobhan etc. Not to mention the made up names like Cayden or DeSean, I mean seriously.

Names mean something. Maybe it's just me, but simply aping the phonetics of a name loses all its meaning. I suppose this has been going on for ages though, with the Anglicisation of, say, Caomhinn into Kevin.

[Dr Koop]

Douglas Douglas Seriously? Wow.

I went to school with a Robert McRobert. Not unusual.

Some of the names doing the round just now are hellish. Stick a consonant in front of a name and off you go - Kian being one particularly gruesome example.

The ones that really floor me are the Morningside traditionals like Archie. Not short for Archibald, just Archie.

I'd cheerfully slap a parent who called their kid Jayden. (Okay, I exaggerate the slap bit.)

There were a few Toris around 20 years ago.

When I was wee I had a schoolfriend called Dax. That was strange. Most of the traditional names seem to work, though I'd run a mile from Jean, Agnes and Wullyum.

[Big Easy]

My dad has a mate called Archibald Archibald, some effort.

[Dr Koop]

My mate (posts on here too) works in a money exchange booth and told me of one solemn occasion where a mother shouted at her bairn: "Behave yersel', Cabernet!"

This seems to be a ned trend, naming your sprog after the drink you were pished on when you got pregnant.

Lambrini is another one I've heard.

My favourite ever is apparently an urban legend, unfortunately: 'Versace McLatchie.'

My favourite urban legend is that there's at least one Geronimo living in Ayrshire. No surprise perhaps. What does make me wonder, though, is the lack of Elvises/Elvii on the landscape. You'da thunk, wouldn't you?

[Dr Koop]

My dad has a mate called Archibald Archibald, some effort.

One of my ancestors was Archibald, and his wife was Archibella.

[Bonksy+HisChristianParade]

I went to school with a Robert McRobert. Not unusual.

Some of the names doing the round just now are hellish. Stick a consonant in front of a name and off you go - Kian being one particularly gruesome example.

The ones that really floor me are the Morningside traditionals like Archie. Not short for Archibald, just Archie.

I'd cheerfully slap a parent who called their kid Jayden. (Okay, I exaggerate the slap bit.)

There were a few Toris around 20 years ago.

When I was wee I had a schoolfriend called Dax. That was strange. Most of the traditional names seem to work, though I'd run a mile from Jean, Agnes and Wullyum.

Well, according to this list, you'll have to do a lot of slapping as 'Jayden' was in the top 50 for 2013.

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a25008171/top-baby-boy-names-2013

So many other shite names in that list - Austin, Alfie, Dexter, Riley, Mason, Jenson etc.

[Ross.]

Way back in my primary school days there was a head case called Pete Peters and an Alexander Alexander aka Sandy. There were also twins Henrietta and Wilhelmina. Also went out with a girl called Doris whose middle name was Enid.

I worked with a guy years back when I lived in Greenock, his name was Alexander Alexander, as was his dad and grandad. We called him echo.

Working for a previous employer, I dealt with a customer of Asian descent who went by the name Wei Wang. It's a miracle I managed to avoid getting sacked for laughing in his face.

Went out with a girl who was called Blaise, which is fairly unusual. She was/is a midwife and said that a few folk had decided to name their kids after her as a result of her doing the delivery.

[Tommy Nooka]

Elton John Merriman was in the year below me at school.

It's the mis-spellings of sensible names that do my head in, like Kamuran above, or the myriad ways to spell Siobhan etc. Not to mention the made up names like Cayden or DeSean, I mean seriously.

Names mean something. Maybe it's just me, but simply aping the phonetics of a name loses all its meaning. I suppose this has been going on for ages though, with the Anglicisation of, say, Caomhinn into Kevin.

I think sticking to the old spellings that make absolutely no sense to a child trying to understand English is daft. The vast majority of names have derived from different spellings/languages and have been anglicised because we speak English.

My daughter has an anglicisation of an Irish name (Niamh) because I liked the name not the way it was spelt....

and f**k trying to explain h=v etc to a 5 year old learning how to read using phonetics.

Incidentally I've never seen Siobhan spelt any other way.

Edited October 7, 2014 by Tommy Nooka

[Unleash The Nade]

I know a girl who's Christian name is Alison and she married a guy whos surname is Alison............Yup Alison Alison

[bullywee]

I don't think I've laughed so hard and for so long as the time one of my pals told me he had a uni lecturer called Wenky Pan. The further detail that he had a bucket for grogging in beside his lectern did not help matters.

I've found that the green side of Belfast is good for names. I had never met a real, live Barry until a few months ago; then another one moved into the same hostel a wee while later. Incredible scenes. Aohdon, Aoife, Eamonn, Nuala and Aine are also some good/ perplexing ones.

Edited October 7, 2014 by bullywee