The Bah Humbug Thread

[KnightswoodBear]

2 minutes ago, ka202 said:

Within 3 hours everyone will be doing your head in to the point you’ll think you’re about to snap, you’ll leave then you’ll miss something you wish you had witnessed or heard.

You’ll wake up in the morning hangover free feeling pretty good, while everyone else will be nursing a hangover. They will however shake the hangovers off after a couple of hours, and they will have stories that will be getting talked about for the next few years. You will end up completely out the loop with no one wanting to talk to you.

Alternatively, Shandon hangs about to the very death of the party, nursing a soda water and lime.  The next day, whilst everyone is wracked with the Fear and crippling hangovers, he then becomes that guy and starts telling them exactly how drunk they were and who they embarrassed themselves in front of.

What a dick.

[welshbairn]

2 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Got a couple of parties down south this weekend so it will be a good test of the new-found teetotalism. 

I stayed teetotal at a party once, felt like I was on drugs, on a different planet. Quite enjoyed the experience.

[ka202]

Alternatively, Shandon hangs about to the very death of the party, nursing a soda water and lime.  The next day, whilst everyone is wracked with the Fear and crippling hangovers, he then becomes that guy and starts telling them exactly how drunk they were and who they embarrassed themselves in front of.
What a dick.

Used to have a mate like this, never stayed completely sober but he knew his limits and stuck to them rigorously(what a dick), even at Christmas when everyone goes a bit mental.

He would always know when he was getting near to being drunk then stopped drinking and went on the colas while the rest of us who never knew a limit were falling about the place making tits of ourselves. He loved telling us what we all did the next day. He’s never let himself go in his life before, now none of us talk to him as he’s the most uninteresting boy I’ve ever met in my life.

[Shandon Par]

My problem was always being the most drunk and most embarrassing, having no concept of moderation or acceptable behaviour. 

[Granny Danger]

1 minute ago, Shandon Par said:

My problem was always being the most drunk and most embarrassing, having no concept of moderation or acceptable behaviour. 

Fifer.

 

[Shandon Par]

On 06/12/2017 at 13:10, KnightswoodBear said:

Alternatively, Shandon hangs about to the very death of the party, nursing a soda water and lime.  The next day, whilst everyone is wracked with the Fear and crippling hangovers, he then becomes that guy and starts telling them exactly how drunk they were and who they embarrassed themselves in front of.

What a dick.

Normally I’d have been too jaked to assist  Tommy Cooper. 

 

[The Chlamydia Kid]

Can’t be arsed with it. Obligated to spend time with folk that I don’t particularly want to spend time with because I happen to share similar genetics with them or my missus does.

Putting on fat that takes weeks/months to shift.

Spending cash on others that I’d rather spend on myself.

Can’t wait till it’s over. Been shite since my mum died as the christmases I’m used to no longer exist.

I prefer Boxing Day- just me and the wean out all day, good dinner, pictures and relax. No stressing.

[NorthernLights]

Nothing says its Christmas time like a shit Winter/Christmas Wonderland type event trying to con folk - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-42385803

[anotherchance]

Although I’m not overly into it I don’t usually mind it (New Year is the really depressing one) although this year might be a bit different - the wife’s papa is really struggling health wise this year, she absolutely adores him and he’s an integral part of the celebrations.

Never had a “difficult” Christmas since I was a lot younger and I’d lost a grandparent, and it was the first Christmas without them. Not really sure how to deal with it other than try and keep her and her family’s spirits up I guess.

Makes you realise there must be a hoor of a lot of folk who find it quite a poignant/difficult time of year, rather than the all singing and dancing Mariah Carey shite which is presented as the norm.

[NJ2]

Did the old Santa letter up the chimney with the bairn last night.  All excited, she wrote out her wee list (which thankfully contained things that Santa should be making already).  Got a roaring fire going, couple of logs on and whoosh, away up the lum the letter went.  Cue much excitement and running to the window to see if it went away safely.
"Yes, I think I saw it going off up to the North Pole" she says.
Sitting in the living room with the bairn this morning, getting her school boots on when, flump, said partially scorched letter flops down chimney onto the hearth.
Tears.
Thanks Santa, you fat useless c**t. 

He got the letter and gave it back because he’s already got you all that...a piss thin but worth-a-go reasoning.

[Sergeant Wilson]

1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Did the old Santa letter up the chimney with the bairn last night.  All excited, she wrote out her wee list (which thankfully contained things that Santa should be making already).  Got a roaring fire going, couple of logs on and whoosh, away up the lum the letter went.  Cue much excitement and running to the window to see if it went away safely.

"Yes, I think I saw it going off up to the North Pole" she says.

Sitting in the living room with the bairn this morning, getting her school boots on when, flump, said partially scorched letter flops down chimney onto the hearth.

Tears.

Thanks Santa, you fat useless c**t. 

^^^Abject Failure!

[Jambomo]

23 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

As if I need reminding.

I managed to sneak back into the house, lift the letter and hide it so I'll play the "oh look, the useless red and white fatty tights (not you, Greg) must have come back and taken the letter" card.

Get someone to write back to her as Santa and then she'll think he got the letter.

[welshbairn]

1 minute ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Good idea.  

Im might also start a JustGiving page as Santa grief can only really be gotten over with cold hard cash.

www.justgiving.co.uk/santachimneydebacle

Tell her that Santa sent Rudolf to drop the letter back down the chimney. Scribble "You deserve another present, love Santa" on the remains.

[Trackdaybob]

I get really festive. around the 20th December. Up until then, life is just normal day to day stuff. I don't comprehend trees and decorations going up in october, get a fuckin life  

The time off is nice, getting home, out and about to catch up with friends, etc. Two weeks off is two much though and I used to volunteer to work (QRA at RAF Leuchars) over christmas or hogmany to save a week's leave to use when I wanted i.e in the summer when I could do the things I enjoy doing.

The whole food, booze excuse is just that. An excuse. I can do that any time of year too. 

This christmas eve, it'll be two years since we lost the old man. I can't blame Mum for not being in the mood can I? We'll be there though, going through the motions.

I'll still be out and about enjoying myself.

Then there's the football. Plenty football. Hearts this Saturday and Dundee the week after? f**k aye!!! Also toying with taking the trip up to Dingwall on the 27th but that will depend on the result Saturday, whether I'm sober and can be arsed. It's a hell of a trek. If I was better organised I might have sorted out an overnight stay up there but I've not so it'll be in the balance if I make it or not. Been a long time since I made three games in a row. Should take advantage of the opportunity really  

[pub car king]

Christmas time is alright we have a jolly down the local on Xmas eve, there's work do's, boxing day football and seeing the bairns get their presents.

That said the rest of Christmas day can get itself taefuck, it's basically being crammed in a house full of relatives running about getting them food and drink because it's easier than having them go anywhere near the kitchen and getting in the fucking way while you're trying to cook for 20 folk. Then their questionably  disoplined spawn destroy everything you own as well as this it always takes at least half an hour from them saying "That's it we need to get going" until they eventually stop fart arsing around and f**k off out my house.

The only small pleasure I take from that shambles is seeing what inane or trivial thing has upset the tightly wound psycho that is my sister in law.

[Sergeant Wilson]

4 hours ago, Trackdaybob said:

I get really festive. around the 20th December. Up until then, life is just normal day to day stuff. I don't comprehend trees and decorations going up in october, get a fuckin life  

The time off is nice, getting home, out and about to catch up with friends, etc. Two weeks off is two much though and I used to volunteer to work (QRA at RAF Leuchars) over christmas or hogmany to save a week's leave to use when I wanted i.e in the summer when I could do the things I enjoy doing.

The whole food, booze excuse is just that. An excuse. I can do that any time of year too. 

This christmas eve, it'll be two years since we lost the old man. I can't blame Mum for not being in the mood can I? We'll be there though, going through the motions.

I'll still be out and about enjoying myself.

Then there's the football. Plenty football. Hearts this Saturday and Dundee the week after? f**k aye!!! Also toying with taking the trip up to Dingwall on the 27th but that will depend on the result Saturday, whether I'm sober and can be arsed. It's a hell of a trek. If I was better organised I might have sorted out an overnight stay up there but I've not so it'll be in the balance if I make it or not. Been a long time since I made three games in a row. Should take advantage of the opportunity really  

 

3 hours ago, pub car king said:

Christmas time is alright we have a jolly down the local on Xmas eve, there's work do's, boxing day football and seeing the bairns get their presents.

That said the rest of Christmas day can get itself taefuck, it's basically being crammed in a house full of relatives running about getting them food and drink because it's easier than having them go anywhere near the kitchen and getting in the fucking way while you're trying to cook for 20 folk. Then their questionably  disoplined spawn destroy everything you own as well as this it always takes at least half an hour from them saying "That's it we need to get going" until they eventually stop fart arsing around and f**k off out my house.

The only small pleasure I take from that shambles is seeing what inane or trivial thing has upset the tightly wound psycho that is my sister in law.

TLDR

[DA Baracus]

'Disoplined' though

[ecto]

Off work on Friday for two weeks, going to England to see the grandchildren on the 27th, it starts for me then

[mizfit]

This gran sounds like a huge cuntress. Why do folk put up with that sort of shite? Family or not, she needs to be telt to get right to f**k and stop being a manipulative old bigoted crone.
Or you could smash up her heating and hope for a particularly cold winter...

Telt her I wouldn’t be attending on Boxing Day, girlfriends a bit miffed.

Her gran on the other hand is acting like I’ve committed genocide.

[NJ2]

Telt her I wouldn’t be attending on Boxing Day, girlfriends a bit miffed.

Her gran on the other hand is acting like I’ve committed genocide.

Start with her. Probably negate the requirement to kill anyone else