Stories from the Courts

[Melanius Mullarkey]

One often comes across amusing stories from the court reports in the newspapers and whilst some of these often end up in the Have I Got Local News For You thread, they're not really best suited for that thread.  Thus, i have created a repository for all amusing court reports here. 

 

I'll start us off with this one from, none other than the Bilbao of the East Coast, Dundee.

Local man remanded after repeatedly telling sheriff his name was Casper the Ghost

https://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/fp/man-remanded-after-repeatedly-telling-sheriff-his-name-was-casper-the-ghost-in-court/

[nsr]

I was expecting witty and amusing stories from the world of tennis.

Sad

[Shandon Par]

Mullarkey 7/1
throbber 3/1
Wunfy 1/2

https://www.newsweek.com/man-sex-injured-beaver-washington-1106423 

 

 

[Mark Connolly]

There is an old story that used to do the rounds about the flash young lawyer giving a plea in mitigation after his client had been found guilty. It was wonderfully erudite and lengthy, describing how his client had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and more than happy to assist the police with their enquiries.

The sheriff replied "f**k off".

 

 

 

 

"That's what your client said to PC Murdoch when he was put under arrest at the scene".

[ICTChris]

Looking forward to bumping this thread whenever a P&B poster is up in court.

[Kennboy1978]

I've been on jury duty a few times.

First one was in Airdrie Sheriff court. The young guy was up for apparently assaulting an older man with a Bucky bottle. First up was the victim, who stumbled and stuttered his way through questions from the defence, making no sense whatsoever. Up came the prosecution, clearly straining under the pressure of getting any sense out of him.

"Could you please show the jury your head injury caused by the accused"

"Ah cannae"

"Why not?"

"Ah pit gel in ma hair this morning, cause ah wis it court. Ye cannae see it when I pit gel in."



We then retired for lunch. Came back out to be told that the trial had collapsed.

[ICTJohnboy]

Another one here from Dundee Sheriff Court concerning a chap who who had been charged with resisting arrest. He was fined £400 and his solicitor informed the sheriff that his client would be able to pay the fine at £2.50 a fortnight.

With a baleful gaze the sheriff told him :

"I'm not here collecting for a catalogue" and upped the payments to £10

[Tony Ferrino]

12 hours ago, nsr said:

I was expecting witty and amusing stories from the world of tennis.

Sad

Doris Decker used to advertise Tunes in Germany.

[welshbairn]

Not sure if this actually happened, but there was a German brought up on a minor charge at Aberdeen Sheriffs Court, and the Sheriff asked if anyone in the courtroom could translate and someone volunteered. "Ask him his name please." "Vot eess yoor naym?" As I remember it he got done for contempt.

[D.A.F.C]

[Fullerene]

I did jury duty once - fascinating case but by law I can't tell you anything about it.

Actually I am not even sure I should even have told you it was fascinating - Oops.

[Sergeant Wilson]

 A punk friend was asked to take his hat off in court. He did, revealing his latest multi coloured mohair and got told to put it back on.

[Boghead ranter]

8 hours ago, Tony Ferrino said:

Doris Decker used to advertise Tunes in Germany.

A decod class dedurd to Deuremberg?

[ICTChris]

This thread has potential for scenes should anyone find court reports featuring P&Bers. They exist.

[itzdrk]

2 hours ago, ICTChris said:

This thread has potential for scenes should anyone find court reports featuring P&Bers. They exist.

They definitely do....

[ICTChris]

WaffenThinMint up in court a few years back

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/tayside_and_central/7754313.stm

[supermik]

Done jury duty once, loved it.

Was called up once as main witness to a very serious assault. Never went and never heard anything from them again!

[ICTJohnboy]

This from Glasgow Sheriff Court.....

A witness was being quizzed by an Edinburgh Advocate, who asked why he had gone to his friend's house late that night.

"Tae get a tap" he replied.  

"Is your friend a plumber?" asked the advocate. 

A colleague urgently whispered to the advocate, explaining some local vernacular, so the advocate changed tack and asked the witness if he had gone to his friend's house to borrow money? Again the witness said no. At a loss he finally asked what kind of tap this was.

"A Rangers Tap" came the reply.

[BillyAnchor]

On 9/14/2018 at 06:51, nsr said:

I was expecting witty and amusing stories from the world of tennis.

Sad

Serena could oblige soon for both by shoving a tennis bat up Whitey's chapter.

[GordonD]

Allegedly a witness was giving evidence and said, "And then there was a chap at the door."

And the advocate asked, "And who was this chap?"