Ruined Christmas stories

[Guest JTS98]

1 minute ago, Herman Hessian said:

genuinely surprised at the time it's taking to resolve all this; surely - if '24' and the like are to be believed, there's a high-tech government surveillance facility somewhere (I'm looking at you, GCHQ)  which can easily detect and pinpoint the source of the radio signals controlling the drone(s) and direct a hit-squad to take the fuckers out or jam the wavelengths or something ? it's becoming apparent that our national defence against cyber-attacks and what have you is no better than a free version of norton anti-virus off a PC Gamer cover disc - where are all the cloaking devices, scanning utilities, detection protocols and the like ?

failing that - cats are fucking ace at catching flying stuff - ours have brought down bats and dragonflies, all sorts...

Most people are rubbish at their jobs, and most companies or agencies are rubbish at what they do. People tend to massively over-estimate competence, especially when it comes to authority. Films and tv probably have a lot to do with that.

I'd imagine it's more The Thick of It than 24 at the moment at Gatwick.

[welshbairn]

1 hour ago, Herman Hessian said:

genuinely surprised at the time it's taking to resolve all this; surely - if '24' and the like are to be believed, there's a high-tech government surveillance facility somewhere (I'm looking at you, GCHQ)  which can easily detect and pinpoint the source of the radio signals controlling the drone(s) and direct a hit-squad to take the fuckers out or jam the wavelengths or something ? it's becoming apparent that our national defence against cyber-attacks and what have you is no better than a free version of norton anti-virus off a PC Gamer cover disc - where are all the cloaking devices, scanning utilities, detection protocols and the like ?

failing that - cats are fucking ace at catching flying stuff - ours have brought down bats and dragonflies, all sorts...

This is a real thing, rather than jamming the signal it hijacks it and puts the drone into emergency landing mode. I guess they can't afford to buy one after building 2 aircraft carriers with no planes.

[Trackdaybob]

24 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

I guess they can't afford to buy one after building 2 aircraft carriers with no planes.

Hey!! Hey!!   

We've got four ok. Four!!!! 

 

 

Two might be broken though.......

[welshbairn]

14 minutes ago, Trackdaybob said:

Hey!! Hey!!   

We've got four ok. Four!!!! 

 

 

Two might be broken though....... 

 While you're here, I read an article suggesting it was daft using zillion dollar planes designed for going mano a mano with the best technology the Chinese and Russians have to offer when you're targeting some jihadis in a pick up truck. The writer's suggestion was building a few Ford Focus's alongside the Lamborghinis. Do we already have shitty planes that can do the job in asymmetric arenas?  I mean when drones aren't suitable for whatever reason.

Edited December 20, 2018 by welshbairn

[welshbairn]

2 hours ago, Herman Hessian said:

failing that - cats are fucking ace at catching flying stuff - ours have brought down bats and dragonflies, all sorts...

Whacky Dutch solution. There loads of options out there, including simple detection and and blocks on wavelengths entering the perimeter. Seems the Government and Airport companies have done nothing other than making it illegal around airports.

 

 

[resk]

The perpetrators and the victims that we've heard from at Gatwick are attention seeking welts. The BBC should really get itself into the bar and interview those hardy souls saying "ah well f**k it, my family are arseholes anyway, mines a pint".

[Trackdaybob]

1 hour ago, welshbairn said:

I read an article suggesting it was daft using zillion dollar planes designed for going mano a mano with the best technology the Chinese and Russians have to offer when you're targeting some jihadis in a pick up truck

Whilst that does have some substance, the accuracy these modern (and yes, expensive) platforms can deliver weapons with now is second to none and can be used very effectively. We can now decide and target the driver of said pick up. Or the guy in the back with the mortar plate, bazooka, AK or whatever. Or both. Without getting into the politics of it all, I'm no expert but if the close air support role is helping/protecting the guys on the ground whilst minimising the risk to ourselves then that's good enough for me. 

Targets can be changed, shuffled and re-prioritised whilst the weapon's are on their way to the targets by the operator. These weapons are also assessing the targets and communicating between themselves in a "you go for that one, I'll have this one and Dave, you take that one on the left ok" stylee. Watching them at work is very impressive if you're into that kind of stuff. That shit don't come cheap. More (not quite up to date) info of one example here if you're interested. 

[welshbairn]

8 minutes ago, Trackdaybob said:

Whilst that does have some substance, the accuracy these modern (and yes, expensive) platforms can deliver weapons with now is second to none and can be used very effectively. We can now decide and target the driver of said pick up. Or the guy in the back with the mortar plate, bazooka, AK or whatever. Or both. Without getting into the politics of it all, I'm no expert but if the close air support role is helping/protecting the guys on the ground whilst minimising the risk to ourselves then that's good enough for me. 

Targets can be changed, shuffled and re-prioritised whilst the weapon's are on their way to the targets by the operator. These weapons are also assessing the targets and communicating between themselves in a "you go for that one, I'll have this one and Dave, you take that one on the left ok" stylee. Watching them at work is very impressive if you're into that kind of stuff. That shit don't come cheap. More (not quite up to date) info of one example here if you're interested. 

How often will they drop a maybe £200,000 bomb on a pick up truck to save the innocents when they could just blast it old fashioned style for peanuts? I remember live pictures from an RAF airbase of cargo planes getting loading up for the 1st West v Iraq war, and there were loads of of pallets of gravity bombs, much the same as WW2. That was quickly squashed, and the rest of the time it was cruise missiles turning left at traffic lights and bombs going down chimneys. I suspect smart weapons are saved for TV or very particular circumstances. The only wise thing I think Dubya Bush ever said was what's the point of sending a million dollar cruise missile through a tent and up a camel's ass? Think that was before 9/11.

[Trackdaybob]

5 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

How often will they drop a maybe £200,000 bomb on a pick up truck to save the innocents when they could just blast it old fashioned style for peanuts? I remember live pictures from an RAF airbase of cargo planes getting loading up for the 1st West v Iraq war, and there were loads of of pallets of gravity bombs, much the same as WW2. That was quickly squashed, and the rest of the time it was cruise missiles turning left at traffic lights and bombs going down chimneys. I suspect smart weapons are saved for TV or very particular circumstances. The only wise thing I think Dubya Bush ever said was what's the point of sending a million dollar cruise missile through a tent and up a camel's ass? Think that was before 9/11.

The 'cheap' dumb stuff is obsolete these days. No longer in use. 

We were just getting the first Paveway Laser Guided Bombs in Gulf War 1, so yes a lot of the bomb's were for sake of argument, the 1000lb bombs very similar to what was used in WW2 and in The Falklands. Unguided once they left the aircraft. 

Nowadays, every weapon on the Typhoon and the (soon to be withdrawn) Tornado GR4 is smart. Aside from the gun which doesn't see a lot (if any) of use.

The bombs (now PW4's, LASER and/or GPS guided) are only 500lb as they are much more accurate there's no need for them to be as big but the weapon used in your pick up scenario will 99% of the time be the Brimstone. Then there's the stuff I can't/won't talk about. Google/Wiki may help you there though. 

Now we joke about the "turning left at the lights" stuff but as I said we're now at the point where the pilot in a Typhoon (or Tornado GR4 WSO) can target the front back, left or right of the pick up. We've massively minimised the collateral damage to the point where the threat is eliminated and within a few meters of the surrounding area, there's no damage. Would I want to be stood there though? Not. A. Chance.

[Sergeant Wilson]

4 hours ago, welshbairn said:

This is a real thing, rather than jamming the signal it hijacks it and puts the drone into emergency landing mode. I guess they can't afford to buy one after building 2 aircraft carriers with no planes.

Back in my day...

[welshbairn]

1 hour ago, Trackdaybob said:

The 'cheap' dumb stuff is obsolete these days. No longer in use. 

We were just getting the first Paveway Laser Guided Bombs in Gulf War 1, so yes a lot of the bomb's were for sake of argument, the 1000lb bombs very similar to what was used in WW2 and in The Falklands. Unguided once they left the aircraft. 

Nowadays, every weapon on the Typhoon and the (soon to be withdrawn) Tornado GR4 is smart. Aside from the gun which doesn't see a lot (if any) of use.

The bombs (now PW4's, LASER and/or GPS guided) are only 500lb as they are much more accurate there's no need for them to be as big but the weapon used in your pick up scenario will 99% of the time be the Brimstone. Then there's the stuff I can't/won't talk about. Google/Wiki may help you there though. 

Now we joke about the "turning left at the lights" stuff but as I said we're now at the point where the pilot in a Typhoon (or Tornado GR4 WSO) can target the front back, left or right of the pick up. We've massively minimised the collateral damage to the point where the threat is eliminated and within a few meters of the surrounding area, there's no damage. Would I want to be stood there though? Not. A. Chance.

Do we not have carpet bombing capability anymore, ie big planes with loads of big and cheap bombs when collateral damage isn't a consideration? In a real war against a big army we'd run out of the fancy bombs pretty quick.

[Inanimate Carbon Rod]

Do we not have carpet bombing capability anymore, ie big planes with loads of big and cheap bombs when collateral damage isn't a consideration? In a real war against a big army we'd run out of the fancy bombs pretty quick.

Think a cruise missile would do that?

[Shandon Par]

6 hours ago, JTS98 said:

Most people are rubbish at their jobs, and most companies or agencies are rubbish at what they do. People tend to massively over-estimate competence, especially when it comes to authority. Films and tv probably have a lot to do with that.

I'd imagine it's more The Thick of It than 24 at the moment at Gatwick.

Very much this. The Channel 4 documentary about the WTC plane malarkey was shocking for just how stupid all the military guys and air traffic controllers were. 

[Sergeant Wilson]

2 hours ago, Trackdaybob said:

The 'cheap' dumb stuff is obsolete these days. No longer in use. 

We were just getting the first Paveway Laser Guided Bombs in Gulf War 1, so yes a lot of the bomb's were for sake of argument, the 1000lb bombs very similar to what was used in WW2 and in The Falklands. Unguided once they left the aircraft. 

Nowadays, every weapon on the Typhoon and the (soon to be withdrawn) Tornado GR4 is smart. Aside from the gun which doesn't see a lot (if any) of use.

The bombs (now PW4's, LASER and/or GPS guided) are only 500lb as they are much more accurate there's no need for them to be as big but the weapon used in your pick up scenario will 99% of the time be the Brimstone. Then there's the stuff I can't/won't talk about. Google/Wiki may help you there though. 

Now we joke about the "turning left at the lights" stuff but as I said we're now at the point where the pilot in a Typhoon (or Tornado GR4 WSO) can target the front back, left or right of the pick up. We've massively minimised the collateral damage to the point where the threat is eliminated and within a few meters of the surrounding area, there's no damage. Would I want to be stood there though? Not. A. Chance.

It's not often 99% features in any of your posts.

[welshbairn]

9 minutes ago, Inanimate Carbon Rod said:

Think a cruise missile would do that?

Only with a nuclear warhead and they're frowned upon by the liberals. Smart bombs are hugely expensive for simple devastation when collateral damage or accuracy isn't a consideration. 

[Herman Hessian]

13 hours ago, Deontay WildPar said:

As a kid we always had a little robin on the tree. It was pretty realistic. Having our Christmas dinner the cat appears and spat out the robin next to the table. Only it turned out to be a real robin. The cat really got into the festive spirit there.

the only acceptable top'o'the tree adornment is, of course, a turkey - none of this star or fairy shite...

[Hedgecutter]

People are probably wondering how the f*** jets etc relate to Christmas, so here's a picture of Santa in a fighter plane. 

 

[Herman Hessian]

2 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

People are probably wondering how the f*** jets etc relate to Christmas, so here's a picture of Santa in a fighter plane.  

TBF I think we're all adult enough to realise that there's absolutely no way that Father Christmas could possibly make all his festive deliveries just using regular reindeer, and that there must be some sort of jet propulsion involved somewhere along the line; he's also clearly going to need armaments to clear a way through the restricted airspace over north korea and the middle east, so thanks for the effort an' all, but i don't think you've really told us anything new, there...

[NJ2]

the only acceptable top'o'the tree adornment is, of course, a turkey - none of this star or fairy shite...

This is utterly horrific

[Bully Wee Villa]

The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mum were decorating the tree... ...waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple of hours went by. Dad wasn't home. So Mum called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mum were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney... ...his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.