on Television?

[fuzzydunlop]

Maybe this should go on the TV/Film thread but any folks on here ever done any Television/Stage acting work or as Television extras?   Must be some funny stories?!  Unfortunately this isn’t one of them but my mates recently reminded me of a time we got involved in the glamourous world of showbiz back in the late 90s that I’d completely forgotten about.  I enjoy reading some of the long anecdotes on here so thought I’d pitch in!

 

I was 20, living in Glasgow at the time and also the singer(in the loosest sense) in a sh*tty indie band -although we of course thought we were great. Our guitarist fancied himself as a bit of an actor as well -mostly to try and pick up women. He’d been to amateur dramatics, been in the school shows and all that sh*te, Anyway, he somehow got wind of a new Scottish TV show about an unsigned band who were looking for a lead role. He went along to the audition for the lead thinking he’d have a chance but didn’t get the part as it was all ‘professional’ actors who’d gone through acting school and he was totally out his depth(I wish I’d seen this audition mind!) but he was told they were looking for extras for the show and could he come along and bring his band mates with him.   Now if they had said “come along and bring any of your mates” it wouldn’t have been quite as enticing but the fact he’d been asked to bring his "band mates" we thought there might be an opportunity to get ourselves and our band famous.

 

The fee was £40 for a days work.   At the time I was working in an office in East Kilbride but all my mates were still at Uni.  For them it was easy to skive off to do some extracurricular work but I had to take a days holiday.  But as I didn’t want to miss out on the chance of fame or let the band down I booked the day off plus £40 to be on TV seemed like easy money.   

 

We had to meet round the corner from King Tuts in Glasgow at 9am one morning where we’d be given our itenary of the day.  We arrived and there’s a double decker bus and a few other vans and lorries parked on the street.  We were told to get on the bus to await further instructions, along with around 20 other folk who were fame thirsty like ourselves.   We started to realise that we might not be as special as we first thought.

 

There was a lot of hanging about.. we waited and waited onboard the bus. People scurried about outside with clipboards looking frantic but we were pretty much left sitting on the f*cking bus. The excitement wore off pretty quickly and boredom set in, on and on as the morning moved into afternoon – still no sign of us being required.  We were given tokens for the catering van at lunchtime which alleviated some of the boredom(again days before mobile phones or we might’ve had them but not much to do on them apart from f*cking Snake).

 

Things temporarily took a upturn when these four lassies came on to the bus. Each of them pretty stunning looking, all dolled up in make up,  and looking a cut above everyone else. They sat in the seats in front of us and just as we were all egging each other on to chat them up they start talking in very loud voices in what I’d probably describe as posh Scottish accents(although I am from Falkirk so make of that what you will)  about all the acting jobs they were currently doing. We figured out they’d all been at the same acting school and were now out in the acting world vying for the same small parts(not ours unfortunately).  They’d all been asked to be extras for this TV show – but not Extras like us ,oh no, they were going to be on camera for sure and had been guaranteed screen time, told what they needed to do and had just been in make up.  They were Stars in the making and they certainly weren’t interested in sh*te level extras like us.   Even though none of us would have stood a chance with them anyway, after listening to 5 minutes of them talking utter sh*te(getting louder so the whole bus could hear) about how great they were, what they been doing and what they had coming up, the novelty soon wore off and we started making childish comments about us appearing on various TV programmes that we’d just made up, mimicking them...very grown up.

 

So the boredom soon set back in, so at this point we thought it would be a good idea to nip into the nearby Griffin Pub for a lunchtime pint while we waited for our turn.   So off we all went, we were a band, f*ck this sitting about waiting sh*t, (although we were in the agreement that one of us would jog back over to the bus every ten minutes to check if we were needed).  One pint led to another and by around 4pm we were all pretty drunk.  Someone then came into the pub and said “we’re wanted” so we downed our pints and headed along and caught up with the rest of the extras making their way towards King Tuts.

 

On arrival (and we probably should have guessed this from the start) it became obvious we were nothing more than a rentacrowd.   The scene was this unsigned band playing a gig at Tuts in their early days and we were the crowd.  Zero chance of getting our mugs on the telly (although one mate still claims he saw his baldy heid).  By this point we were pretty hammered and not in the mood to be shifted about like cattle to wherever in the room to make it look busy for the cameras. 

 

The stage director bloke asked us all to “can you make some noise guys”. As we were in our early twenties with ‘look at us, we’re so funny’ ways,  we all shouted “get tae f*ck ya ARS*HOLE” –even though amongst the cheers from the other members of the rentacrowd he wouldn’t have heard what we were saying anyway.   

I think the premise of this part of the story was that the band were supporting this Lady DJ, so they played badly and got a poor response, then this girl comes on with a set of turntables and everyone goes nuts.  So already we weren’t feeling up to that at all.  In fact we decided  that when we had to cheer for the band coming onstage  if we all shouted “f*ck off ya bunch of c*nts” it would be picked up the mic, somehow be missed by all the sound engineers and sound editors and be heard on TV”. It didn’t.  

 

Then the four lassies we’d been sitting next to earlier also made their arrival. The crowd had to part as they walked in on the arms of this Music Mogul guy (played by Forbes Masson I think) so their part was to walk into the venue on either side of this manager p***k, arm in arm.  My mate recently wondered if these lassies had since disappeared into a Scottish ‘Metoo’ type oblivion.    

 

After about an hour of shouting it was over and we got our pay, half of it we’d already spent in the pub….and we ended up in Nice and Sleazies spending the other half on Jugs of Miller.  

 

Unbelievably we were all asked to go back for another couple of days filming and also to ask more friends to come along too. Even if I could have got time off I wasn’t bothered but some of my mates went for the money as they continued filming in The Cathouse and The Barras(hence the reason they needed more folk).

 

I don’t really remember much about the finished programme. It was called ‘Young Persons Guide to Being a Rock Star’. At the time it was most notable for having Keith Allen and Nicola Stapleton in it. My mate says Gerard Butler was in it as well…f*ck knows.   At the time I was in a band and had the usual dreams of making it big so this TV programme was a bit of a p*sstake really and I tried to blot it out of my memory..I thought it was going to be something cool, and gritty/realistic but it was more like a comedy(I think they called the band in it ‘Jocks Wha hey’ or something like that which is enough for a someone to get a kicking)

 

 

[HeWhoWalksBehindTheRows]

Greeny for the name.  Just rewatching the Wire now, just watched that ep! 

[LeeVanTeeth]

Gerard Butler played a Marty Pellow like w****r from memory. And that was the name of the band.

[fuzzydunlop]

2 minutes ago, LeeVanTeeth said:

Gerard Butler played a Marty Pellow like w****r from memory. And that was the name of the band.

ah did he?! I think I remember the character!

[Sergeant Wilson]

5 hours ago, fuzzydunlop said:

Maybe this should go on the TV/Film thread but any folks on here ever done any Television/Stage acting work or as Television extras?   Must be some funny stories?!  Unfortunately this isn’t one of them but my mates recently reminded me of a time we got involved in the glamourous world of showbiz back in the late 90s that I’d completely forgotten about.  I enjoy reading some of the long anecdotes on here so thought I’d pitch in!

 

I was 20, living in Glasgow at the time and also the singer(in the loosest sense) in a sh*tty indie band -although we of course thought we were great. Our guitarist fancied himself as a bit of an actor as well -mostly to try and pick up women. He’d been to amateur dramatics, been in the school shows and all that sh*te, Anyway, he somehow got wind of a new Scottish TV show about an unsigned band who were looking for a lead role. He went along to the audition for the lead thinking he’d have a chance but didn’t get the part as it was all ‘professional’ actors who’d gone through acting school and he was totally out his depth(I wish I’d seen this audition mind!) but he was told they were looking for extras for the show and could he come along and bring his band mates with him.   Now if they had said “come along and bring any of your mates” it wouldn’t have been quite as enticing but the fact he’d been asked to bring his "band mates" we thought there might be an opportunity to get ourselves and our band famous.

 

The fee was £40 for a days work.   At the time I was working in an office in East Kilbride but all my mates were still at Uni.  For them it was easy to skive off to do some extracurricular work but I had to take a days holiday.  But as I didn’t want to miss out on the chance of fame or let the band down I booked the day off plus £40 to be on TV seemed like easy money.   

 

We had to meet round the corner from King Tuts in Glasgow at 9am one morning where we’d be given our itenary of the day.  We arrived and there’s a double decker bus and a few other vans and lorries parked on the street.  We were told to get on the bus to await further instructions, along with around 20 other folk who were fame thirsty like ourselves.   We started to realise that we might not be as special as we first thought.

 

There was a lot of hanging about.. we waited and waited onboard the bus. People scurried about outside with clipboards looking frantic but we were pretty much left sitting on the f*cking bus. The excitement wore off pretty quickly and boredom set in, on and on as the morning moved into afternoon – still no sign of us being required.  We were given tokens for the catering van at lunchtime which alleviated some of the boredom(again days before mobile phones or we might’ve had them but not much to do on them apart from f*cking Snake).

 

Things temporarily took a upturn when these four lassies came on to the bus. Each of them pretty stunning looking, all dolled up in make up,  and looking a cut above everyone else. They sat in the seats in front of us and just as we were all egging each other on to chat them up they start talking in very loud voices in what I’d probably describe as posh Scottish accents(although I am from Falkirk so make of that what you will)  about all the acting jobs they were currently doing. We figured out they’d all been at the same acting school and were now out in the acting world vying for the same small parts(not ours unfortunately).  They’d all been asked to be extras for this TV show – but not Extras like us ,oh no, they were going to be on camera for sure and had been guaranteed screen time, told what they needed to do and had just been in make up.  They were Stars in the making and they certainly weren’t interested in sh*te level extras like us.   Even though none of us would have stood a chance with them anyway, after listening to 5 minutes of them talking utter sh*te(getting louder so the whole bus could hear) about how great they were, what they been doing and what they had coming up, the novelty soon wore off and we started making childish comments about us appearing on various TV programmes that we’d just made up, mimicking them...very grown up.

 

So the boredom soon set back in, so at this point we thought it would be a good idea to nip into the nearby Griffin Pub for a lunchtime pint while we waited for our turn.   So off we all went, we were a band, f*ck this sitting about waiting sh*t, (although we were in the agreement that one of us would jog back over to the bus every ten minutes to check if we were needed).  One pint led to another and by around 4pm we were all pretty drunk.  Someone then came into the pub and said “we’re wanted” so we downed our pints and headed along and caught up with the rest of the extras making their way towards King Tuts.

 

On arrival (and we probably should have guessed this from the start) it became obvious we were nothing more than a rentacrowd.   The scene was this unsigned band playing a gig at Tuts in their early days and we were the crowd.  Zero chance of getting our mugs on the telly (although one mate still claims he saw his baldy heid).  By this point we were pretty hammered and not in the mood to be shifted about like cattle to wherever in the room to make it look busy for the cameras. 

 

The stage director bloke asked us all to “can you make some noise guys”. As we were in our early twenties with ‘look at us, we’re so funny’ ways,  we all shouted “get tae f*ck ya ARS*HOLE” –even though amongst the cheers from the other members of the rentacrowd he wouldn’t have heard what we were saying anyway.   

I think the premise of this part of the story was that the band were supporting this Lady DJ, so they played badly and got a poor response, then this girl comes on with a set of turntables and everyone goes nuts.  So already we weren’t feeling up to that at all.  In fact we decided  that when we had to cheer for the band coming onstage  if we all shouted “f*ck off ya bunch of c*nts” it would be picked up the mic, somehow be missed by all the sound engineers and sound editors and be heard on TV”. It didn’t.  

 

Then the four lassies we’d been sitting next to earlier also made their arrival. The crowd had to part as they walked in on the arms of this Music Mogul guy (played by Forbes Masson I think) so their part was to walk into the venue on either side of this manager p***k, arm in arm.  My mate recently wondered if these lassies had since disappeared into a Scottish ‘Metoo’ type oblivion.    

 

After about an hour of shouting it was over and we got our pay, half of it we’d already spent in the pub….and we ended up in Nice and Sleazies spending the other half on Jugs of Miller.  

 

Unbelievably we were all asked to go back for another couple of days filming and also to ask more friends to come along too. Even if I could have got time off I wasn’t bothered but some of my mates went for the money as they continued filming in The Cathouse and The Barras(hence the reason they needed more folk).

 

I don’t really remember much about the finished programme. It was called ‘Young Persons Guide to Being a Rock Star’. At the time it was most notable for having Keith Allen and Nicola Stapleton in it. My mate says Gerard Butler was in it as well…f*ck knows.   At the time I was in a band and had the usual dreams of making it big so this TV programme was a bit of a p*sstake really and I tried to blot it out of my memory..I thought it was going to be something cool, and gritty/realistic but it was more like a comedy(I think they called the band in it ‘Jocks Wha hey’ or something like that which is enough for a someone to get a kicking)

 

 

I can't be expected to read all that. What's he on about?

[D.A.F.C]

1 minute ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I can't be expected to read all that. What's he on about?

Something about lassies and crime watch.

[Ziggy]

6 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I can't be expected to read all that. What's he on about?

I can’t believe he typed all that.

[D.A.F.C]

Just now, Ziggy said:

I can’t believe he typed all that.

Suspiciously looks like a different font also. 

[welshbairn]

8 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I can't be expected to read all that. What's he on about?

Day's work for £40 quid. Didn't have to do much, sat in a pub for a bit.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

My cousin's partner (a trumpeter who played with Jools Holland and Big Youth) was an extra in Gladiator.

However, he's now an alky and lives in France.

[Sergeant Wilson]

Just now, welshbairn said:

Day's work for £40 quid. Didn't have to do much, sat in a pub for a bit.

I did film and tv security for a pals firm. I got £60 a shift and slept must of the time.

I once waited until everyone was away and slept in Blythe Duff's bed in her caravan. Thankfully, she wasn't there. I wouldn't touch her with yours.

[welshbairn]

2 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I did film and tv security for a pals firm. I got £60 a shift and slept must of the time.

I once waited until everyone was away and slept in Blythe Duff's bed in her caravan. Thankfully, she wasn't there. I wouldn't touch her with yours.

I was in a biblical mini tv series in Israel. Sat in a village pretending to tie knots all day. They probably let the Palestinians back in when we finished filming.

 

[Silverton End]

I went to the Tennents Sixes indoor football tournament with my school pals, at the SECC back in the 1980's.

STV used to show it live, my old boy taped it on vcr for me to watch when I got home.

Seen myself in the crowd as Dumbarton pumped Manchester City 4-0

#absolute scenes 4 fucking 0

 

[Sergeant Wilson]

Just now, welshbairn said:

I was in a biblical mini tv series in Israel. Sat in a village pretending to tie knots all day. They probably let the Palestinians back in when we finished filming.

 

I did loads of Taggart, Sea of Souls and other telly. Greyfriars Bobby and The Jacket were my films. If there was a BAFTA for sleeping on set I would've won it. I've told my Boomtown Rats story before surely.

[Sergeant Wilson]

2 minutes ago, Silverton End said:

I went to the Tennents Sixes indoor football tournament with my school pals, at the SECC back in the 1980's.

 

 

I'm in that getting chucked out.

[welshbairn]

Just now, Sergeant Wilson said:

I did loads of Taggart, Sea of Souls and other telly. Greyfriars Bobby and The Jacket were my films. If there was a BAFTA for sleeping on set I would've won it. I've told my Boomtown Rats story before surely.

Pray tell?

[Melanius Mullarkey]

4 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I did loads of Taggart, Sea of Souls and other telly. Greyfriars Bobby and The Jacket were my films. If there was a BAFTA for sleeping on set I would've won it. I've told my Boomtown Rats story before surely.

Are you Blythe Duff?

[Silverton End]

3 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I'm in that getting chucked out.

What for?

 

Ps Aberdeen knocked us out in the semi final

[Gaz FFC]

8 minutes ago, Silverton End said:

I went to the Tennents Sixes indoor football tournament with my school pals, at the SECC back in the 1980's.

STV used to show it live, my old boy taped it on vcr for me to watch when I got home.

Seen myself in the crowd as Dumbarton pumped Manchester City 4-0

#absolute scenes 4 fucking 0

 

The biggest travesty in Scottish football isn't Falkirk not getting promoted in 2003 as 1st thought but the Tennents sixes disappearing from our screens.

They were absolutely fucking epic and if you don't know what they were slap Tennents sixes into You Tube.

[Sergeant Wilson]

10 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

Pray tell?

Oh all right then.

Greyfriars Bobby was filmed at Stirling Castle.

I was sleeping in the car while I was responsible for hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of equipment. I was woken by a guy delivering animals for a market scene. As he went about his business I got chatting. Somehow we got on to music and he said he used to be in a band. I asked who and it was The Boomtown Rats. Simon somebody and he'd previously been a farmer. He went back to it after the band and this was a sideline. He was good enough to confirm Geldof is a cünt and that he fucking hated him. My shift finished and I went home. It was only later I realised how surreal it had all been.