The Tam Courts Talking Shite Thread 21/22

[realmadrid]

1 hour ago, TheScarf said:

This needs merged with the corporate bullshit thread on General Nonsense IMO.  He strikes me as the kind of guy that knows his accent makes him sound like a jakey, so he reads a thesaurus to try and use the most intelligent sounding word he can.  A bit like a real life Methadone Mick, minus the methadone and living under a bridge.

Was there not someone else in Scottish football like that a few years back too?

The two managers that sound like "a jackey" are McFake and Martindale

[Ludo*1]

7 minutes ago, realmadrid said:

The two managers that sound like "a jackey" are McFake and Martindale

[arab_joe]

21 hours ago, RandomGuy. said:

Seems to like and comment on things about 80 times a day there. His "about" bit isn't top bad, but gets horrendous by the end.

At the best of times, LinkedIn is a woeful platform for half-wits to make themselves sound impressive and for people to fabricate achievements, good deeds and children that have incredible entrepreneurial spirit.  Tam Courts' page is a horrific example (which is perhaps unsurprising, given his past job as a recruiter) but these are my favourite quotes (sadly not from his time at DUFC, but rather from his previous gig at T2 Limited):

"We are passionate about facilitating low risk, high value solutions that provide competitive advantage and enables better performance, by design. It's our aim to create a new standard for strategic recruitment and talent management, where talent planning, identification, acquisition and development principles are integrated into the language, structure and culture of the clubs we partner with..."

"T2 provide facilitation and enablement to sports clubs that want to improve their talent performance through a planned approach to recruitment which utilises innovative technology, objective processes and club wide engagement. Our professional team have delivered talent centric services to the elite sports and business industries for many years"

"We partner strategically with professional sports clubs to align commercial and technical objectives into an integrated talent management platform that enables sustainable perform"

I mean... what on earth does any of that rubbish actually mean - and how on earth can I person who types that nonsense interview so well that he gets the DUFC manager's job!?

21 hours ago, Moomintroll said:

Extensive global recruitment? Aye 'cos Kelty Hearts were fair struggling to put a team on the park when the ACN & the Asia Cup were on.

In his defence, I think his "global recruitment" may be from his time as the CEO of T2 Limited - where his workplace was listed as "Global". 

 

Slightly off-topic, but any guesses whose describes themselves in the following way:

"...responsible for setting the long term objectives for 1st team, Development Squad, Academy, Recruitment, Sport Science and Medical and Psychology and Media/Communications.

Highly innovative and creative sports executive and business owner with over 25 years experience within global elite football as a consultant to elite sporting organisations ,professional football clubs, governing bodies and business leaders. Adviser to high net worth individuals and companies wishing to purchase and sell football clubs throughout the world.

Brokered and advised on a number of high profile football club acquisition's in the UK, France, USA, Spain and Italy.

Executive coach for a number of high profile mangers and football staff from the EPL, Championship, La Liga and other associations throughout the world.

International match and tour organisation to top level football clubs and National teams

I have built businesses in the sports industry to become reputable brands and advised clients from top level clubs and sporting organisations throughout the world.

My personal key skill sets are Leadership, Negotiation, Relationship Cultivating, organisational culture and Development, Strategic Planning and Problem Solving added to my 20 year career in law enforcement and leading teams.

I have a vast global network of contacts within the sporting and business world and a reputation of honesty and integrity from clients, staff and business partners.

I have travelled throughout the world to research and learn methodology and club culture and philosophy in coaching and business methods at elite clubs in Australia, South America, USA, Europe and Africa in an effort to provide the best knowledge and education to my clients and staff.

I hold a Master in Sports Directorship from the Manchester Metropolitan University

Key note speaker to Universities, Football Associations and Sports Law conferences"

[speckled tangerine]

16 minutes ago, arab_joe said:

At the best of times, LinkedIn is a woeful platform for half-wits to make themselves sound impressive and for people to fabricate achievements, good deeds and children that have incredible entrepreneurial spirit.  Tam Courts' page is a horrific example (which is perhaps unsurprising, given his past job as a recruiter) but these are my favourite quotes (sadly not from his time at DUFC, but rather from his previous gig at T2 Limited):

"We are passionate about facilitating low risk, high value solutions that provide competitive advantage and enables better performance, by design. It's our aim to create a new standard for strategic recruitment and talent management, where talent planning, identification, acquisition and development principles are integrated into the language, structure and culture of the clubs we partner with..."

"T2 provide facilitation and enablement to sports clubs that want to improve their talent performance through a planned approach to recruitment which utilises innovative technology, objective processes and club wide engagement. Our professional team have delivered talent centric services to the elite sports and business industries for many years"

"We partner strategically with professional sports clubs to align commercial and technical objectives into an integrated talent management platform that enables sustainable perform"

I mean... what on earth does any of that rubbish actually mean - and how on earth can I person who types that nonsense interview so well that he gets the DUFC manager's job!?

In his defence, I think his "global recruitment" may be from his time as the CEO of T2 Limited - where his workplace was listed as "Global". 

 

Slightly off-topic, but any guesses whose describes themselves in the following way:

"...responsible for setting the long term objectives for 1st team, Development Squad, Academy, Recruitment, Sport Science and Medical and Psychology and Media/Communications.

Highly innovative and creative sports executive and business owner with over 25 years experience within global elite football as a consultant to elite sporting organisations ,professional football clubs, governing bodies and business leaders. Adviser to high net worth individuals and companies wishing to purchase and sell football clubs throughout the world.

Brokered and advised on a number of high profile football club acquisition's in the UK, France, USA, Spain and Italy.

Executive coach for a number of high profile mangers and football staff from the EPL, Championship, La Liga and other associations throughout the world.

International match and tour organisation to top level football clubs and National teams

I have built businesses in the sports industry to become reputable brands and advised clients from top level clubs and sporting organisations throughout the world.

My personal key skill sets are Leadership, Negotiation, Relationship Cultivating, organisational culture and Development, Strategic Planning and Problem Solving added to my 20 year career in law enforcement and leading teams.

I have a vast global network of contacts within the sporting and business world and a reputation of honesty and integrity from clients, staff and business partners.

I have travelled throughout the world to research and learn methodology and club culture and philosophy in coaching and business methods at elite clubs in Australia, South America, USA, Europe and Africa in an effort to provide the best knowledge and education to my clients and staff.

I hold a Master in Sports Directorship from the Manchester Metropolitan University

Key note speaker to Universities, Football Associations and Sports Law conferences"

 

[djchapsticks]

The corporate jargon world legit gives me a sore head.

Why use 15 words when 45 will get the same message across with a lot more fluffing up?

I work for a large multi-national company and they absolutely love all this shite. They create careers out of it! More to the point, so do the complete slavers who buy into it and parrot it as if they fucking understand what any of it actually means. I don't know if its more funny or seethe-inducing.

[Junior_Arab]

51 minutes ago, arab_joe said:

"We are passionate about facilitating low risk, high value solutions that provide competitive advantage and enables better performance, by design. It's our aim to create a new standard for strategic recruitment and talent management, where talent planning, identification, acquisition and development principles are integrated into the language, structure and culture of the clubs we partner with...”

I mean... what on earth does any of that rubbish actually mean

As far as I can ascertain, it’s a long winded way of saying “I read people’s CVs”. 

Edited August 3, 2021 by Junior_Arab

[Mvondo_the_great]

He's in the business of doing business.

[Junior_Arab]

23 minutes ago, djchapsticks said:

The corporate jargon world legit gives me a sore head.

Why use 15 words when 45 will get the same message across with a lot more fluffing up?

I work for a large multi-national company and they absolutely love all this shite. They create careers out of it! More to the point, so do the complete slavers who buy into it and parrot it as if they fucking understand what any of it actually means. I don't know if its more funny or seethe-inducing.

As soon as I see someone say “I am passionate about recruitment/baked goods/procurement/waste management solutions” I just automatically think “Well that’s bullshit.” You may be passionate about making money and see this as a good means to that end but that’s not the same thing.
 

Every pitch on the Apprentice starts with that exact phrase and I can’t believe no-ones ever said “No you’re not, you didn’t give a toss about it until you were given this task half an hour ago”.  

I am prepared to accept that people could be passionate about football, cookery, woodworking or something like that but not about middle management administrative bullshit and the phrase is bandied about so much these days that’s it’s lost any integrity. 

[ArabianKnight]

Been considering putting in for the Employability Manager post with DUCT. 

Now I know exactly what kind of waffle to stick in the application form

[Jacksgranda]

On 02/08/2021 at 15:06, Moomintroll said:

Extensive global recruitment? Aye 'cos Kelty Hearts were fair struggling to put a team on the park when the ACN & the Asia Cup were on. Don't even start me on that second sentence, when are United signing Dilbert & the Pointy Haired Boss to quantitise their synergenistic fulcrum to leverage tangible benefits to all stakeholders.

You should have kept that up your sleeve until they were doing interviews for the next Tannadice boss.

[Jacksgranda]

3 hours ago, Junior_Arab said:

As soon as I see someone say “I am passionate about recruitment/baked goods/procurement/waste management solutions” I just automatically think “Well that’s bullshit.” You may be passionate about making money and see this as a good means to that end but that’s not the same thing.
 

Every pitch on the Apprentice starts with that exact phrase and I can’t believe no-ones ever said “No you’re not, you didn’t give a toss about it until you were given this task half an hour ago”.  

I am prepared to accept that people could be passionate about football, cookery, woodworking or something like that but not about middle management administrative bullshit and the phrase is bandied about so much these days that’s it’s lost any integrity. 

So has "integrity".

[Guest Wieghortsnut]

On 02/08/2021 at 13:35, Illgresi said:

What's the jaisket all about an aw...

Looks like a dodgy knock off stone island

[Illgresi]

1 minute ago, Wieghortsnut said:

Looks like a dodgy knock off stone island

That picture doesn't really do it justice. Looks like a Chairman Mao number.

[Insert Amusing Pseudonym]

2 hours ago, Illgresi said:

That picture doesn't really do it justice. Looks like a Chairman Mao number.

Fitting tribute to the man who wrote the wee red book

[mishtergrolsch]

On 02/08/2021 at 15:20, TheScarf said:

This needs merged with the corporate bullshit thread on General Nonsense IMO.  He strikes me as the kind of guy that knows his accent makes him sound like a jakey, so he reads a thesaurus to try and use the most intelligent sounding word he can.  A bit like a real life Methadone Mick, minus the methadone and living under a bridge.

Was there not someone else in Scottish football like that a few years back too?

Don't know man, listening to his post match interview id suggest methadone is one of a cocktail of drugs this future boy injects into his eyeballs. 

 

14 hours ago, arab_joe said:

At the best of times, LinkedIn is a woeful platform for half-wits to make themselves sound impressive and for people to fabricate achievements, good deeds and children that have incredible entrepreneurial spirit.  Tam Courts' page is a horrific example (which is perhaps unsurprising, given his past job as a recruiter) but these are my favourite quotes (sadly not from his time at DUFC, but rather from his previous gig at T2 Limited):

"We are passionate about facilitating low risk, high value solutions that provide competitive advantage and enables better performance, by design. It's our aim to create a new standard for strategic recruitment and talent management, where talent planning, identification, acquisition and development principles are integrated into the language, structure and culture of the clubs we partner with..."

"T2 provide facilitation and enablement to sports clubs that want to improve their talent performance through a planned approach to recruitment which utilises innovative technology, objective processes and club wide engagement. Our professional team have delivered talent centric services to the elite sports and business industries for many years"

"We partner strategically with professional sports clubs to align commercial and technical objectives into an integrated talent management platform that enables sustainable perform"

I mean... what on earth does any of that rubbish actually mean - and how on earth can I person who types that nonsense interview so well that he gets the DUFC manager's job!?

In his defence, I think his "global recruitment" may be from his time as the CEO of T2 Limited - where his workplace was listed as "Global". 

 

Slightly off-topic, but any guesses whose describes themselves in the following way:

"...responsible for setting the long term objectives for 1st team, Development Squad, Academy, Recruitment, Sport Science and Medical and Psychology and Media/Communications.

Highly innovative and creative sports executive and business owner with over 25 years experience within global elite football as a consultant to elite sporting organisations ,professional football clubs, governing bodies and business leaders. Adviser to high net worth individuals and companies wishing to purchase and sell football clubs throughout the world.

Brokered and advised on a number of high profile football club acquisition's in the UK, France, USA, Spain and Italy.

Executive coach for a number of high profile mangers and football staff from the EPL, Championship, La Liga and other associations throughout the world.

International match and tour organisation to top level football clubs and National teams

I have built businesses in the sports industry to become reputable brands and advised clients from top level clubs and sporting organisations throughout the world.

My personal key skill sets are Leadership, Negotiation, Relationship Cultivating, organisational culture and Development, Strategic Planning and Problem Solving added to my 20 year career in law enforcement and leading teams.

I have a vast global network of contacts within the sporting and business world and a reputation of honesty and integrity from clients, staff and business partners.

I have travelled throughout the world to research and learn methodology and club culture and philosophy in coaching and business methods at elite clubs in Australia, South America, USA, Europe and Africa in an effort to provide the best knowledge and education to my clients and staff.

I hold a Master in Sports Directorship from the Manchester Metropolitan University

Key note speaker to Universities, Football Associations and Sports Law conferences"

Could you imagine what Wee Jim would have said to Asghar and Courts if he was still around and at full capacity? 

Don't get me wrong, i don't have a problem with articulate, intelligent people who use complex words and sentence structures but when you literally shove utter jargon in for no reason you should be escorted to the nearest glue factory and recycled.

And what kind of relationship does Tony think hes cultivating after openly arguing and slagging fans off on social media and saying things like "I don't give a f**k about the history of the club" etc?

[Shtuggie]

It’s taken me a few weeks to twig, but I used to deal with this guy in one of his previous jobs. I seen the name be announced as new manager but I actually cannot believe it’s the same guy. 
 

The company he worked for at the time LOVED all this nonsense. Their product (mainly for the US market) was a colour system for evaluating your employees so you could manage them better. Red for fiery and blue for cool etc. They would sell workshops and surveys to big businesses like standard life and middle management would use it to evaluate their staff from the survey/questionnaire. 
 

he worked in the internal recruitment team and I remember from his LinkedIn him playing some footy at a decent level in the late 90s but I genuinely am gobsmacked he is the manager of a top flight team in Scotland. Astounding. 
 

I almost want to say fair play for bullshitting his way into such a position - but I wouldn’t be happy as a united fan. 
 

Oh, and he always used too many words… 

[Mark Connolly]

Thomas's oratory style is perfectly cromulent, the simple fact is that you all need to embiggen your vocabulary in order to digest the content

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

Fun fact - my spellchecker accepts embiggen as a word, but not cromulent. So it appears embiggens is a perfectly cromulent word, but cromulent itself is not.

 

[Scary Bear]

1 hour ago, Shtuggie said:

It’s taken me a few weeks to twig, but I used to deal with this guy in one of his previous jobs. I seen the name be announced as new manager but I actually cannot believe it’s the same guy. 
 

The company he worked for at the time LOVED all this nonsense. Their product (mainly for the US market) was a colour system for evaluating your employees so you could manage them better. Red for fiery and blue for cool etc. They would sell workshops and surveys to big businesses like standard life and middle management would use it to evaluate their staff from the survey/questionnaire. 
 

he worked in the internal recruitment team and I remember from his LinkedIn him playing some footy at a decent level in the late 90s but I genuinely am gobsmacked he is the manager of a top flight team in Scotland. Astounding. 
 

I almost want to say fair play for bullshitting his way into such a position - but I wouldn’t be happy as a united fan. 
 

Oh, and he always used too many words… 

Insights?

[Shtuggie]

9 minutes ago, Scary Bear said:

Insights?

Aye! 

[Dons_1988]

So the jury is out on young tam courts then?