Popular Post deadasdillinger Posted January 26 Popular Post Share Posted January 26 With over 60 posters voting this past week, we now have our definitive Top 10 Bellends in Scottish Fitba. It was a broad list of nominees - swinging wildly from referees to pundits, to folk who have been out the game for three decades despite me clearly stating they were to be current. We saw managers, players, YouTubers, all the way through to CEOs. I'm glad to report women were represented too, though like many big awards shows of late, they were criminally overlooked when it came to the final shortlist. Clearly, there is a way to go before we truly see equality in the Scottish game. I think my favourite shout might have been Walter Smith - truly beautiful that he got a posthumous mention, over two years after he died. Rest in peace, you bellend. 10. Pat Bonner Packie takes our 10th spot, just pipping "TikTok" Todd Cantwell, who will need to be an even bigger bellend if he is to make next season's list. Having had an excellent career as a goalkeeper, Bonner can now be found spouting utter shite on the radio, being too concerned with the fate of his beloved Celtic - saying "we" when talking about them - to give any meaningful analysis, insight or commentary on any other team in the Scottish Premiership. 9. Alan "Biscuits" Preston A popular choice among voters, Preston can also be found on Sportsound - P&B's greatest source of bellends for this vote. 8. Scot Gardiner The only club CEO to make the list, Scot Gardiner sacked the next bloke on the list to appoint Duncan Ferguson, with ICT still sitting in a lowly 8th in the Championship. 7. Billy Dodds Dodds is a bellend of many talents, having succeeded in being a bellend on the field, in the dugout and also in the TV studio, where he can be found talking shite. 6. Kenny MacIntyre Just as the Oscars will see certain films sweep the show, Sportsound is clearing up, with its 4th entry already. A top choice on many voters' lists, MacIntyre manages not only to be an awful pundit when giving reports, but also hosts the show occasionally, showing no ability to control the pundits or steer the conversation, helping to oversee the recent decline of Sportsound. 5. David Goodwillie Highlighting the competition in Scottish football when it comes to massive bellends, our only rapist on the list somehow finds himself not taking the top spot. In fairness, I doubt anyone would argue he is by far the biggest c**t in Scottish football, but as he's plying his trade at lowly Glasgow United - having been chased from several other clubs - many voters didn't think to pick him. 4. Neil Doncaster The speccy gimp who trousers a salary of more than £300k while completely underselling the Scottish game time and time again can count himself unlucky not to finish first. A really strong showing from Doncaster, who will surely be aiming to take the top spot in any future votes. 3. Kris Boyd As much as it pains me to see a Killie favourite so high, Kris has more than earned a place in the top three; not only did he have two spells at everyone's least favourite club, Rangers (both before and after they died), he also threw his toys out of the pram for Scotland, refusing to play for Burley again because he left him on the bench. Now to be found talking complete and utter shite on telly with a serious bias towards his old team, Boydy can have no complaints here. 2. Derek Adams Adams' recent behaviour was what prompted me to start the vote, and he becomes only one of two men to ever breach the hallowed 200 points mark in bellend voting. Coming back to County for a third time, he has scathingly expressed his surprise and dismay at the state of Scottish football, before basically admitting in a more recent interview that he regrets taking the job. Really selling the product here, it can only be a matter of time before the angry twat gets sacked; he hasn't exactly done a stellar job since coming in. 1. Douglas Ross I think we can all agree, this is a fitting choice at number 1, one we can all unite and get behind. Moving his portly frame up and down the touchline of a weekend, Douglas does a poor job in his role at the SFA, but it's actually the one of his three jobs that he's best at. His other two - MP for Moray and MSP for Highlands and Islands with the Scottish Tories - are the roles for which he's found himself topping our inaugural "Biggest bellends in Scottish fitba" list. With so much hostility and division in the Scottish game, the one thing that can unite the terraces across Scottish football is the appearance of Douglas Ross and the chant that goes with it - "f**k the Tories, duh duh duh duh... f**k the Tories, duh duh duh duh..." Well done, Dougie - you massive fucking bellend. 52 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadasdillinger Posted January 29 Author Share Posted January 29 Guys, I'm fucking pissing myself here. One of my bellends, Ewan Cameron, has not only become aware of his place on my list, but discussed it on his show and even named the episode after it About 10 or 11 minutes in. Fair play, he takes it well haha. I'd already been toying with the idea of trying to make Douglas Ross aware of his accolade, so that's solidified that idea in my mind. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bully Wee Villa Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 Didn't realise he was an MP and and MSP. Surely that shouldn't be allowed? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 9 minutes ago, deadasdillinger said: Guys, I'm fucking pissing myself here. One of my bellends, Ewan Cameron, has not only become aware of his place on my list, but discussed it on his show and even named the episode after it About 10 or 11 minutes in. Fair play, he takes it well haha. I'd already been toying with the idea of trying to make Douglas Ross aware of his accolade, so that's solidified that idea in my mind. If you can convince Ross to attend a presentation, i'll happily chip n for a wee trophy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathematics Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 Just now, Bully Wee Villa said: Didn't realise he was an MP and and MSP. Surely that shouldn't be allowed? It shouldn’t, but Tory gonna Tory. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadasdillinger Posted January 29 Author Share Posted January 29 5 minutes ago, coprolite said: If you can convince Ross to attend a presentation, i'll happily chip n for a wee trophy If enough folk are willing to stick a quid in, I'll use the website Ship A Dick to send him a big cardboard willy in the post 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneteaminglasgow Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 16 minutes ago, Bully Wee Villa said: Didn't realise he was an MP and and MSP. Surely that shouldn't be allowed? Between those two jobs and his linesman gig, the man must absolutely despise his family. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fide Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 2 minutes ago, oneteaminglasgow said: Between those two jobs and his linesman gig, the man must absolutely despise his family. To be fair, they probably despise the fat, amoral c**t just as much. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squirrelhumper Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 3 minutes ago, oneteaminglasgow said: Between those two jobs and his linesman gig, the man must absolutely despise his family. Not as much as they despise him. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squirrelhumper Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 Great minds @Fide 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geddyalexneil Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 I didn't vote but am happy to say that I agree wholeheartedly with folk's number 1 who is of course a massive number 2! I also would happily stick a quid in to make a massive dick to give him. If it can be handed to him at an event that we can see on TV that would be extra lovely. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 23 minutes ago, oneteaminglasgow said: Between those two jobs and his linesman gig, the man must absolutely despise his family. His wife is a police officer I believe. So it's probably a toss up. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fide Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 8 minutes ago, TheScarf said: His wife is a police officer I believe. So it's probably a toss up. What a perfect c**t of a couple. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 5 minutes ago, Fide said: What a perfect c**t of a couple. I'm more shocked at the fact that he's married. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadasdillinger Posted January 29 Author Share Posted January 29 (edited) 18 minutes ago, geddyalexneil said: I didn't vote but am happy to say that I agree wholeheartedly with folk's number 1 who is of course a massive number 2! I also would happily stick a quid in to make a massive dick to give him. If it can be handed to him at an event that we can see on TV that would be extra lovely. 58 minutes ago, coprolite said: If you can convince Ross to attend a presentation, i'll happily chip n for a wee trophy I've had a look, it's 13 quid incl postage. If a dozen folk want to send me a quid on PayPal, I'll get one sent, and stick proof of the order on here. PM me for my email/PayPal address. I'm tittering at the mental image of Dougie's office receiving a giant cardboard boaby with a note explaining he's been voted Scottish football's biggest bellend by Pie & Bovril. Edited January 29 by deadasdillinger 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oneteaminglasgow Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 40 minutes ago, Fide said: To be fair, they probably despise the fat, amoral c**t just as much. 40 minutes ago, Squirrelhumper said: Not as much as they despise him. 19 minutes ago, TheScarf said: His wife is a police officer I believe. So it's probably a toss up. 10 minutes ago, Fide said: What a perfect c**t of a couple. I’ll be honest, the thought of the fucking miserable home life that c**t has built for himself pleases me greatly, so cheers all. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Central Belt Caley Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 Really surprised Michael Stewart didn’t make the list, needs to up his game IMO 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby_Doo Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 3 hours ago, deadasdillinger said: If enough folk are willing to stick a quid in, I'll use the website Ship A Dick to send him a big cardboard willy in the post Are we just glossing over that you know of such a site? Your search history must be a bin fire 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Staggie Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 Could be interesting to see in a year who has stepped up to the plate and taken a deserved place in the bellend list, but also a separate addition of were are they now? Top picks would be Goodwillie in Barlinnie and Douglas Ross unemployed in all three of his jobs.. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadasdillinger Posted January 29 Author Share Posted January 29 10 minutes ago, Scooby_Doo said: Are we just glossing over that you know of such a site? Your search history must be a bin fire It was one of those recommended on the Facebook algorithm things. Not sure that makes it any better! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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