Impending Separation / Living Together Apart

[TxRover]

4 hours ago, Ross. said:

…I think that goes back to them acting like adults and putting us first…

This is the most important takeaway here. Unfortunately, it is also the most difficult. All to often both parties “agree” to handle it like adults and then something happens that turns it into a miniature “Lord of the Flies”. One thing I will say is be aware that kids can hide the impact of things very well, and you HAVE to listen carefully to what they say and observe what they don’t say.

I made the mistake of trying to stick it out “for the kid”, only to have that same kid say one day “we have to get out”. Hearing that is absolutely devastating, as it makes you understand you failed by doing what YOU thought instead of communicating and listening.

[Sergeant Wilson]

https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/my-partner-want-split-up-32240727

The Record is watching.

[stimpy]

On 21/02/2024 at 21:21, Throwaway said:

Throwaway account for obvious reasons, although I dare say some folk will be able to work out who I am.

It's looking likely that my wife and I will be separating soon. We've been together nearly 18 years and married nearly 12. We have three kids. Our children have various levels of disabilities and to say we have had a hard marriage would be an understatement. Years of constant fights with councils, schools, health authorities have taken their toll. We're now constantly bickering and arguing with each other, and due to a couple of poor financial decision over the past few years are in a smaller house than we've ever been. We're constantly under each other's feet and making each other miserable. And it's starting to affect the kids, and for both of us that's a deal breaker.

I guess I'm still a bit hopeful we can work things out - we have before - but I think this time may be it. We've spoken maturely about it and we do still love each other very much, so we are thinking of possibly a Living Together Apart situation may be workable, but we're not sure.

Plan is that my wife will look to move somewhere else with the kids. I'll continue to stay in our current house and get it ready to go on the market, and then sell it and look to buy myself somewhere suitable for the kids as well. We'll then co-parent and the kids will spend half the week with me and half the week with her.

I guess I'm just looking for a bit reassurance from anyone who's been through similar that it can work out. We want to remain amicable, and remain friends and continue to do family things together. But it's tough just now as we're both still living in the same house and will be for the forseeable.

Haven't read the whole thread just wanted to reply to this. 

My first wife and I went to marriage counselling through the Cab when things weren't going well. Talking to each other with someone there makes a huge difference. Actually saying out loud what's going on in a setting where you don't start shouting and storming out is very cathartic. Our marriage broke down a few years later however I still think talking in a controlled environment gave us those extra years. Basically we'd become too much Mum and Dad and not enough husband and wife.