Rugster Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 4 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: I assume you've never watched him before. His jokes are stories. This isn't Twitter, there's no limit to the number of characters you can type! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 This isn't Twitter, there's no limit to the number of characters you can type! True, but there's a limit to how many I can be bothered writing! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Italicised full stops. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 19 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said: True, but there's a limit to how many I can be bothered writing! Lazy b*****d 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hampden Diehard Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 The phrase "in store", as in , "see in store for details". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Is he a chemically castrated convicted paedo as well? I don't think Yewtree has got as far as him yet. Time will tell. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 In Tesco once you've scanned your shopping at the self service and hit 'pay' it says "Scan your Clubcard to win Clubcard points". Win? It's not a fucking contest where you might get 10000000 points for buying a can of juice. You don't 'win' Clubcard points; they're given to you, at a pre-determined rate, depending on how much you spend. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 'Bigly' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Checkout operators asking repeatedly if I want bags when I shove the shopping straight back in the trolley (to be transferred to some plastic crates that I keep in the car). On occasion I reply deadpan "No thanks, I'm just going to push the trolley home". One time I was informed that wouldn't work because the magnetic whatsit in the car park would kick in and lock the wheels (does that happen? Never known it to happen) to which I replied "No problem, I'll just carry it on my shoulders" and strolled off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Whistling at work, One of my colleagues has taken to whistling badly to the radio, in a particularly tuneless manner. Option one - In a passive agressive moment throw a 50p on her desk and state 'that's your prize for hitting the right note tunefully for the first time this week', in a hope she takes the hint. Option two - Kick Her In The Pie Option three - Starting singing along very badly. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Another for 2 before grabbing her boobs and shouting HONK HONK 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomas Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Thanks for filling me full of joy everyone. I've not even got to the stage of packing yet and I'm a seething mess, looks like I have a nervous breakdown to look forward to. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Thanks for filling me full of joy everyone. I've not even got to the stage of packing yet and I'm a seething mess, looks like I have a nervous breakdown to look forward to. The stress of moving for me came to a head when I started shouting at the self service scanner in Asda. "GIVE ME A FUCKIN CHANCE" escaped before I realised I was getting angry and had been for a few days. Felt better after it though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Packing/moving is easy. Be ruthless is my advice. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 People who think running 5k is an achievement 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bennett Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 5 hours ago, Jambomo said: 1) Being asked why I don't have any kids yet but a nosy auld c**t in the office. 2) When I said its because I don't like kids and don't want any, being told I should have them because other peoples kids shouldn't have to look after me when I'm old. Right, OK, this is from the old guy whose kids have fucked off abroad, doubt they'll be back to look after him. Fucking w****r. I'm aye getting that, in one ear and oot the other... -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HenryHill Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 24 minutes ago, NorthernJambo said: The stress of moving for me came to a head when I started shouting at the self service scanner in Asda. "GIVE ME A FUCKIN CHANCE" escaped before I realised I was getting angry and had been for a few days. Felt better after it though. I don't use those scanners due to many such arguments with them. 'I have put the fuckin item in the fuckin bag!' before just leaving all the stuff and walking out in a manic strop. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smpar Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Checkout operators asking repeatedly if I want bags when I shove the shopping straight back in the trolley (to be transferred to some plastic crates that I keep in the car). On occasion I reply deadpan "No thanks, I'm just going to push the trolley home". One time I was informed that wouldn't work because the magnetic whatsit in the car park would kick in and lock the wheels (does that happen? Never known it to happen) to which I replied "No problem, I'll just carry it on my shoulders" and strolled off. You're the kind of person shop assistants tweet about. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Checkout operators asking repeatedly if I want bags when I shove the shopping straight back in the trolley (to be transferred to some plastic crates that I keep in the car). On occasion I reply deadpan "No thanks, I'm just going to push the trolley home". One time I was informed that wouldn't work because the magnetic whatsit in the car park would kick in and lock the wheels (does that happen? Never known it to happen) to which I replied "No problem, I'll just carry it on my shoulders" and strolled off. I can confirm going over the magnetic strip causes the wheel to lock. But going around the strip doesn't effect it. I know all the tricks B) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandarilla Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 'Bigly' The bigly thing was just him saying 'big league' really fast. I saw a load of clips from him through the years and he says big league all the fucking time. It was like a catchphrase and by the end of the clips he was pretty much just saying bigly for short. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.