Hedgecutter

I've seen posts on this forum with less punctuation than that!

On the other hand with the serial Easter Egg munchers - there's a difference between skinny jeans and just getting fat.

What the f**k is so important that Catriona Shearer can't on my tv this morning?! Who wants to start the day with this Gillian Smart? I might complain.

Metre

Ball

Define 'met'. Sharing the waiting lounge and overhearing a conversation doesn't count. I've never met any celebrities so I'm just jealous. Talked to the Hairy Bikers at a T in the Park stall though. Rock n Roll stuff.

Hmmm, India, Iran or Devon. Where to live? Tricky.

I used to be like this too. Seemed to thrive on the panic and terror, more so at 3am when the uni computers reboot and you have to start all over again. Got my best marks this way strangely. Less time to balls it up I suppose.

Having somebody random wander into my work and having somebody at their work effectively coming into my home via my private home phoneline are two completely different things. It's all about invasion of privacy. If you can't get a long lie on a Sunday morning then when can you. If someone random wandered into my home and woke me up in bed trying to sell me a conservatory, being swore at would be the least of their worries I'm afraid.

Occasionally I just keep saying 'yes' to everything they say like a primary school kid does just to be annoying. Anyone got any ideas on how to piss them off so that such cold calls can actually be welcomed as a good laugh at times?

If you're in any line of business that involves pissing people off then you've got to be willing to take it. It's like being a referee - abuse is part of the package. I've never actually sworn at any of these guys down the phone yet but I'm getting closer to it by the day. The new breed have started phoning me up at about 9am at the weekend while I'm trying to get a long lie. These guys deserve whatever they get.

Public places are full of annoying people and you expect to meet some. The only annoying people in your own home should be your wife and kids.

I signed up for TPS a while back and it's made no difference. I remember this being mentioned on here not too long ago and it basically came down to the fact that if they're calling from India then TPS is a waste of time. Under this rule however, can I swear at them and not get busted or is this still bad under Scots law?

Remember, if you're not with them then you're against them.

Just caught the tail end of Jurassic Park and can't believe that it's 19 years old. Effects still hold up pretty well though.

Just had that but minus the coke, straight from the freezer and on the rocks. Liquid refreshment.

In snooker and golf every hit counts. In cricket (and more so in baseball) they constantly throw balls and nae c**t hits the fucking thing most of the time. Maybe it would be more exciting if the golfing partner took to the fairway and tried to catch it in one?

Struggling to keep up with the film Memento because I've got a shite short-term memory. Oh the irony.

A triple Glenfiddich 18yo. A'right but a tad overrated.

Well, it's probably not the formal name for it, if there even is one. Most places I see have fried haggis in a shape which could be mistaken as a sausage and spicy haggis in a pocket / pouch thing to differentiate between the two. The good chipper I frequent does the normal haggis in the pocket / pouch. Pouch would probably have been a better word actually. I'm bang on with 'chipper' though.

Chipper it is, cheers! Now the real toughie: black pudding, red pudding, haggis pocket or what? So many choices!!! ... or deep fried Easter egg???

If all Sky / ESPN want is to show Rangers and Celtic in a continual two horse race for the many thousands of stay at home OF fans for the rest of all time, why don't they just do it in the SJFA West Premier League or something? There'll be more goals for the OF fans to w**k over, the SPL can hope to have a competitive league with higher attendances, Cumnock can get a fancy new stand with their cut of the TV deal, the vast majority of travelling OF fans won't be seen ever again beyond Kirkintilloch and a mixed OF-Junior forum on here would be comedy gold. It just reeks of win.

This evening's carry-out: Chinese, Indian, Nepalese or Fish & Chips?

I've always quite fancied one of these, for like... sheep-dipping, fixing barbed wire fences and stuff, ken.

Bet he's attended his last lecture at St Andrews after this bad PR. Probably just as well. He doesn't look cool enough to be a geoscientist. Bet Daddy the oil exec' forced him into it anyway. I bet the story to the police was brilliant though... Leslie: But, but... I hit the bird when driving, that's why I was swerving everywhere to avoid it and then had a few drinks to get me over the death. I'm not a murderer or a drink driver, honest!!! Fife's Finest: We've goat ye on CCTV ripping the thing's heid aff. Leslie: Oh dear. Terribly sorry. Do you know who my father is? [sobs]