Hedgecutter

I've got tickets for John Bishop in Aberdeen on Sunday night which says it starts at 18:30. Now, Brechin playoffs are before that and if the games goes to extra-time then I'll be cutting it fine to get up to Bridge of Don. So, when it says 18:30, is it like a gig where the main act doesn't come on for half an hour or so afterwards or am I expected to be there in my seat for that time? Worst case scenario is that we lose to Ayr, I walk in late and take an absolute ripping from a Scouser.

I just let off a ripper of a fart and I'm feart that someone at work's going to come into the room soon and know fine well that it was me

Some cnut in my office has stolen my laser mouse and replaced it with an archaic ball-mouse. I'm going to rip his/her/it's f****** head off.

If it helps, they involved the same bus

Todays whinge: People boarding buses without letting you off first. Oh, and folk that stop their cars well over the lines at traffic lights, blocking all the buses wanting to get around the corner, causing chaos with who's in the middle of the road when the other lights turn green etc and then blame the bus for their incompetence on the road.

Lidl bags are thicker and don't have the holes in the bottom

£20 a book They've been planning it all along!

Doesn't surprise me when this Peterhead FC Social Club has signed Rangers tops and pictures of Walter Smith framed up all over the place.

Usernames which start with a lower case letter.

Whoever told me uni would be the best years of my life was a f****** liar! Graduate, get a job, make money, spend money, enjoy life. At least when you finish work, you've actually finished work and don't have that nagging feeling that you should be getting started on some essay or report for next Tuesday or whenever. You don't then have to juggle some other part-time and writing/studying inbetween and can enjoy a guilt free pint. I did actually enjoy uni though!

Nah, it's not petty, it's just feckin annoying. Also, Folk with West African accents down the phone who get annoyed with you when you can't understand them. Had someone from work wanting to meet me outside 'Madonna's yesterday and took 5 minutes of him shouting the same thing down the phone before I realised he wanted to meet me at McDonald's. Then again, I've obviously been tuned to the Scottish accent all my life so probably my fault more than his.

I mind seeing him a few years back too, gees. Sorry DeadStar

Groups of four or more people walking along along pavements who see you walking in the opposite direction and don't consider that you'd like past them without having to a) be forced onto the road or b) barging through them which they take great offence to normally.

I only just realised that Palma was in Majorca and Las Palmas was in Grand Canaria (just assumed that one was just the Spanish name for the other) - probably renamed it Las Palmas de Gran Canaria for idiot tourists. Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if someone came back from Majorca saying "nice place. Travelled right around the island but couldn't find one f*****' volcano" Also just confirmed that Mallora and Majorca are indeed the same island. (PS. I noticed that plenty of folk think that Dubai and Abu Dhabi are the same place, just an Arabic version of the other)

A workmate of mine said never travel with strangers after he woke up to find a pished squadie pissing in the sink two feet away from his face. He was terrified to say anything in case the guy turned in his direction. Also explains why train sinks smell funny. As for the calories question, I was asking this yesterday and apparently you use more walking as you have more momentum doing the work for you when running.

I was on a Bratislava to Brno train which had the same, only the lock jammed while I was in it and I almost ended up somewhere further along the line as far as Berlin. You can hear the tracks underneath whenever you flush a piss-flooded Scotrail bog as well.

On trains it just gets dumped on the track to rot away, hence why they ask passengers not to flush the bogs while you're at a station. There was outrage a couple of years ago when folk could see little jobbies lying about the track at Aberdeen station which nobody had cleaned up and reeked in the summer heat. Pretty archaeic way of dealing with things though. Coaches use tanks seeing as other folk use the roads and don't want to clean other folks shit off their tyres.

Thank f*** it appears to be a particularly Glaswegian thing so far. Was walking up Buchanan St on Saturday and the things seemed to be everywhere. Gads.

People in groups of 3 or more that line up across the pavement and then wonder why you have to shoulderbarge through them.

Should what we see as the Middle East not be either the Far East or the West as far as the Americans are concerned? I also like the American map of the world where they're in the middle - the split doesn't work and it looks ridiculous! Also noticed that the Falklands belong to Argentina on every Argentinian map which is even more hilarious.

Begs the question, is it Ok to get pished on the bus on the way back from the sporting event on way home???

My brother and I got screwed over by this earlier in the season. We'd bought a fine selection of foreign beers from the Peckhams at Aberdeen station for a fitba away day to Nairn but had it all taken from us at the ticket barriers as Aberdeen were playing Caley that day and apparently that had to be a dry train even though they never had any warnings or notices anywhere in the station telling us so. Had to throw £15 worth of drink in the bin or miss our match. The fact Aberdeen got pumped by Inverness that day did help soften the blow though as the Dons faithful were silent the whole journey back. One table of guys next to us were silent from Nairn - Inverurie until one guy broke the silence said to his mate "did you think it was a..." before his mate stopped him in his tracks by simply saying "Just shut up Dod"!

That's also been my theory for a while though. I wonder which law allows police to raid booze on supporters buses then even if the driver on the public coach was happy for them to drink on it? Some clause on sporting events or nipping future trouble in the bud?

Sadly, yes. Just tip the driver and he'll keep on turning a blind eye though.

Fort William (FC)