SaltyTON

Super (2010) Low budget Superhero spoof type film about a fat guy who after Kevin Bacon steals his ex-junkie wife (played by Liv Tyler) takes it upon himself to be a vigilante, then he gets Ellen Page as his assistant (she later rapes (for want of a better word) him lol, lucky b*****d!) The quote on the box was actually true for once, it really was better than Kick-Ass. 7/10

Not sure which is more pathetic, the pint gesture or the bar-person greeting about it. It was 3 years ago, Frank is now either dust in the wind or a skeleton, he doesn't need beer. It also looks like a child's handwriting, obviously the bar staff should be more careful, the challenge 25 scheme doesn't seem to be working.

Dhumb fhucks.

Watchmen (2009) After a terrible and boring first hour it does improve, but not sufficiently to save this after wading through such a large pile of shite at the start. I do like the concept, but it was far too long to make an enjoyable film. 3/10

It was very good but come on... and Inception isn't even worth mentioning as the list below would be even longer if I included that as the marker! Films since 2007 which I thought were better (in no order except year of production): Warrior, X-Men: First Class, The Adjustment Bureau, The King's Speech, I Saw the Devil, The Social Network, True Grit, Law Abiding Citizen, Inglourious Basterds, Up, Zombieland, Slumdog Millionaire, Let the Right One In, The Dark Knight, Defiance, Vantage Point, American Gangster, 1408, 3:10 to Yuma, Sunshine, The Bourne Ultimatum.

I can confirm that it is a complete hell hole of a place; tourist hell hole (first time I had ever experienced a 'package holiday' - never again!) with not much you can say positive about it. I'll try though... Gorgeous promenade and beach (I don't sunbathe, so not really interested in the beach) Haagen Dazs café Near enough Barcelona that you can go somewhere nicer Theme park (PortAventura) opened by Universal/Busch (although no longer owned by them) so that is quite good; now has water park since I was there That makes it sound a lot nicer than it actually is, it's really Musselburgh in relation to Edinburgh but with a theme resort.

Boston Girls (2010) Crap horror that I watched on LoveFilm as I searched for Danny Trejo and that came up; needless to say he wasn't in it for about an hour then died pretty soon afterwards... unsurprisingly he died because he raped the killer (his niece) as a child. Must be difficult when you are typecast as a rapist! 2/10

Boston Girls (2010) Crap horror that I watched on LoveFilm as I searched for Danny Trejo and that came up; needless to say he wasn't in it for about an hour then died pretty soon afterwards... unsurprisingly he died because he raped the killer (his niece) as a child. Must be difficult when you are typecast as a rapist! 2/10

Devil's Playground (2010) British horror starring Danny Dyer and that guy from EastEnders that's in loads of films these days (Craig Fairbrass). Imagine 28 Days Later... crossed with Resident Evil, but not as good as either. 4/10

As a nonsense Scifi it was all right, as a horror it was fucking shite. Seemed utterly pointless, and although you didn't actually say it I think the end could mean that a reboot isn't far away. Hopefully Scott has it taken away from him though. I'll go 7/10 as I've decided to rate it as a scifi, and forget about the crap attempts at making it scary. I deliberately saw it in 2D as I hate 3D films, they are so pointless!

DeadHeads (2011) Pretty average Michigan attempt at making a no name version of Shaun of the Dead... it didn't really work, had a few funny moments but nothing worth mentioning! 5/10

Yeah he does, they used up the Irish on one of the dwarves. Have to have a Celtic balance in Hollywood, remember everyone in America believes they are of Scottish/Irish ancestry.

Snow White and the Huntsman (2012) Made decent use of the darkness of Grimm, keeping it in the fantasy genre without going all the way into the horror realm. The dwarves were made up of some well known faces like Nick Frost and Bob Hoskins; with the main negative point being Kristen Stewart, she really is a dreadful actress. It took until the last scene before she showed some sort of emotion (a slight smile). I'm not really sure why Thor (Chris Hemsworth) played the Huntsman with a Scottish accent... although it was pretty decent as foreigners pretending to be Scottish go! 7/10

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011) It looks amazing, but in reality it's fucking cack! A bad episode of CSI mixed in with action scenes... You can't really go wrong with Downey Jr. but when the rest of the cast are horrendous and you have Guy Ritchie intent on trying to abuse the third dimension, he really has no chance in this film. 4/10

Zombie Undead (2010) Utterly terrible British zombie film set in Leicestershire, where a group a few people are taken to an "evacuation facility" (looked like a hospital to me) by a paramedic where zombies are all over the bloody place. The only things stopping this from getting a pathetic 1/10 were: It being one of only a few films to ever make me jump; when two of them have escaped and a sitting under a tree, a random farmer blows the guys head of from a distance with a sniper rifle. The afore-mentioned guy taking revenge on the guy who caused the paramedic to die earlier, by kicking him in the head as they climbed out a hatch causing the zombies to get him. Them killing Emile Heskey zombie! :lol: 3/10

The Hit List (2011) A man walks into an Irish bar. A black man asks for a list of five people... Well now that we've started the beginning of a bad jokes based on stereotypes, you can finish the rest! Cuba Gooding Jr. is great as the hitman, but the film is so clichéd it's untrue... and there was not one bit of the film that couldn't be predicted. It was fun to watch, but to make it passable it would have needed to veer off the most linear path down Deja View. 4/10

What is a "peado", and why do you have girls under 16 as your Facebook friends? Are you a "peado"?

I Confess (1953) Definitely the worst Hitchcock film I've seen. Boring and overly convoluted. 5/10

Hell Ride (2008) A reasonably well known cast of people trying to erase any dignity they had left in Hollywood (Dennis Hopper, Michael Madsen, David Carradine - well too late for him) join forces to in various biker gangs to battle each other, and too laugh at Vinnie Jones putting on the most ridiculous impossible to place accent in the history of film. Utter nonsense, that Tarantino was date raped in order to agree to stick his name on the box with an "executive producer" credit. A few tidy birds get their tits out and there are some funny deaths, but it didn't really end or explain what they were looking for... even after they find the bloody thing! 3/10

North by Northwest (1959) Another wonderful Hitchcock classic. The man was a genius, and this deserved to be closer to Ben-Hur at the 1960 Oscars. 10/10

I said yassss earlier, although to be fair Alex McLeish had just been sacked. I'm sure you can understand the sentiment!

Corpse Bride (2005) Tim Burton takes a similar idea to his story The Nightmare Before Christmas, but this time as well as writing it chooses to direct as well. A good decision as it ties up a few of the mistakes made in 1993. How this didn't win the Oscar, instead of the awful Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, I'll never know! 8/10

Coffee before heading to the QP social club for some St Mungo! :D

Had some pasta, with tomato/mascarpone sauce and some bacon through it.

I'm sure she'll be upset that her friends know where she lives.