Old Diamond

Until you wake up and see the sign again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, etc, etc,

And in other news, King Charles has been advised not to attend any public events in the USA. In view of recent events he is considered an easy target.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits, legs and any other areas you keep trim. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your behind. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck to the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. Yup, you know this is all true

Someone was watching "Have I Got News for You" on Friday

Hands up everyone that googled a picture of a B&Q store to check if this is true!

Mothersmell Oblivion Rovers

Pleasing!

Well as we are more than likely to put out a reserve team against Queens Park next week we better get the apology off to big Dunc & Co now.

I saw a deal on eBay. “Television for Sale – £1- Volume Stuck On Max”. I thought: “There’s no way I can turn that down”

Two words, Ayr United. Lost 12 points to them. Had we won these matches we would had been on 60 points.

Form team indeed!

Quite a few on here couldn't predict the outcome of a wet fart.

Does shitting yourself at school affect those ratings?

Wonder if the Mothman was spotted in the last few weeks

We seem to have a thing about teams who play in Dark Blue tops this year, Falkirk, Dundee, Raith and TNS have all been beaten by the Diamonds.

Met a bird at the pub last night that works in an abattoir. She's a stunner!

....of the world famous Seaside League....