Sweet Pete

Live TV? Will we be seeing topless darts grace the BBS?

Jammy Angus c***s. You've also got a cracking ground and a great wee pub beside it, so you're jammy c***s for that too.P.S tell your brother he's a puddle drinker.

Kevin Nicoll's been offered a role as defensive coach.

I already did the One one and I don't want to use the Manny Panther one again. So we're having Gemmell, right!

John Gemmell's signing later today.

He'll fail at Morton and then sign for us and be decent. That happens with just about every defender Morton sign.

He played right back, centre back and centre mid. Can't remember him playing at left back.

I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.

Why should he? He's just signed a new two year deal! Every c**t lighten up.

No, I wouldn't. We know McDougall can do the job if his head's in it. We know that Ewings is a capable goalkeeper, prone to the odd howler, but a capable shot stopper. We know that Hugh Murray can be a useful holding midfielder when he's not injured / suspended and Brian Prunty is just about the best thng ever, sp clearly there's nothing underwhelming about him staying on.

There's nowt worrying about our signings so far or the number of them. If anything, we've been quite prompt to tie up the main body of the squad, based on Dumbarton's usual standards of last minute scrambles for signings. Everyone just chill the f**k out.

This talk about Murray having time if he joins Hibs now is nonsense. Hibs are notoriously quick to fire their managers and Dempster has already said in her statement that the new manager's first job is to get them automatic promotion this season by winning the league. He'd get sacked by November and be unemployed. Pointless move for him and any manager with a decent reputation should steer well clear. Hibs are a basket case and only someone naive or desperate would or should agree to become their new boss.

They both have beards, just one has a bigger beard.

Fair play if he's getting a big salary (which he is), because it must cost a fortune to maintain that beard.

Quite right too. That fucking c**t who wears the Rangers home top to all our games is in dire need of a clawhammer to the face.

Slaps will be freely handed out to any old firm fans in our end or on our buses.

You're no' very experienced in the noble art of wenching, are you? That's a self confidence issue, kiddo. You need more self belief if you're ever going to pump every lassie in the world (aim high).

She's an emotional wreck, that's a shooty-in for the ugly opportunist.

If this DA Baracus lad has any sense at all, he'll take this emotionally vulnerable lassie out for a drink after work. She will spend the whole evening talking about this fella and drinking and if he holds his tongue and pretends to care he'll get to have drunken, awkward sex with her that night, followed by a teary and pained parting the next day and the pair of them ignoring each other forevermore. It's a win for all concerned.

No, she was a Scottish bottle blonde from a scheme to the west of Clydebank, but kudos for the Bloody Sam reference.

I used to have a bird who tried to bite my cock off.

Poet of the Macabre.

Chelsea.

Headhunters have been back in touch with me regarding a new job, so I'm off on the move again for more money and better prospects.

He lives! Where have you been hiding?