Grim O'Grady

My missus & I are off to America next month for our holidays, spending 2 weeks in Texas, my missus being a big fan of JR Ewing from the Dallas tv series so I thought I'd get some travel guides to read? Well I went on Amazon & ordered one called Debbie does Dallas by Maria Minestra. Well Miss Minestra you are no Judith Chalmers I'll tell you that for nothing. My missus is not in to American football nor am I, though the author did go in to quite some detail on the local cheer leading scene out there. In fact that's all there seems to be in Dallas according to this travelogue. I don't think we'll bother with Dallas if going off this guide is anything to be believed, think we'll spend an extra day at Graceland. Apparently there's a video version of this tome probably for those of a dyslexic nature or something, I personally wouldn't recommend it unless cheerleading is your thing? Grimbo Ps I'm quite interested in tonsillitis at the moment can anyone recommend any good reading matter on things of or about the throat?

The biscuit of choice for the discerning diabetic. Back on topic... My nail clipper is broke, do you think I should up her wages? Grimbo

Wouldn't mind getting my nits on they jugs. Wid Grimbo

I drive a Merc, not sure I approve of this game? I like to wear plus 4's at the disco, I always got a hole in 1. Grimbo

More like a star jump to me, that said it's terrific detail, Grimbo

Damn you Wisbit, a Rottweiler in the making, care to sit in my car for a while? Grimbo

Oh it's not for drinking my good man, it's what I get my concubines to dab me with on warm nights on the veranda. Grimbo Ps purely a Pimms and lemonade man.

Warm envian water. WARM. Grimbo

You're not the hurst, I mean first to say that mate. Let me know when it's all over? Grimbo

God I'm fed up with all this 1966 World Cup fixation, I thought I'd be safe in here but oh no. I wish Bobby Moore, I mean Skidmarks was here, he'd have a word with you. Grimbo Ps I'm up to 66 already.

Does it come in any other colours? Grimbo

5/10 better than my school days. Grimbo

Can't wait to get the t-shirt at my local supermarket (other supermarkets are available), I'm sick of my New York one. Grimbo

Pickles the dog what retrieved the stolen Jules Remit trophy back in 1966 was actually called Adolph but the BBC had a ban on such names at the time, so they had to delay reporting the story for 5 days whilst a competition was held at a local primary school to find a more public friendly alternative. The winners turned out to be the nephew of one of the top BBC executives but it wasn't seen as a bad thing in them days, On a similar note, if I may be so bold to add a 2nd fact. The BBC had a meeting last week & ALL it's staff have been banned from making any programmes relating to the 50th anniversary of the 1966 World Cup final next year, the only exception being the Bobby Moore story starring Sheridan Smith in the lead role because they feel it would be detrimental to the drama to omit that couple of weeks from the bafta award winning docudrama. Grimbo Ps I know because I was that schoolboy.

Try knocking the spec' down a bit, maybe go for 1/2 leather seats? Every little helps. Grimbo

I see the ukip LFBT faction have been told to f**k off from wearing their politics on their shirts at the gay pride march in London. Well done to the LGBT for seeing the daft kip c***s for what they are an homophobic political (small p has in pish) party.. If they want to be party to jumping on the big pride bandwagon they should do it in the interests of the LGBT community & not their mental homophobic divisive politico wankshit party. Besides why would they want to turn out for a march that is going to flood London anyway? Grimbo

I've just realized why American beer is such weak pish, imagine if they had decent drink & got arseholed, every weekend would be the funeral directors money spinner. Grimbo

Was that just before you lost your headmaster post too? Works on 2 levels that. Grimbo

Can the mods just put all these threads into 1 American gun killers or something like that? Grimbo

Aye he could do the Samuel Jackson speech from pulp fiction before sending them to meet the undertaker. Grimbo

Who goes yo church on a Wednesday night? S'pose if anyone was in doubt that god does exist they need to think again? Grimbo

Dave, I meant it in the collective way like more in to how our dirty minds work? That said I see nowt wrong with a bit of That's Amore blasting out of my bedroom window from my gramophone eh at passers by in the feeble hope that may entice them in to some sexual activity? Dave, that was my brothers name too & he used to have a transit van, well for those old enough to remember back to the 80's, I had a mate Tony & he'd woon tickets to go to an airshow but this was at no ordinary airbase oh no, this one was surrounded by John McVeigh is a tit (I don't mean that in a disrespectful way) cos it was at Greenham Common, down south like. So we stuck a couple of bunk bed mattresses in the back of his van & drove down to the show, drank beer & sat out in the sunshine watching planes n shit. Then when it had finished we went out to some countryside pub & asked the landlord if we could stay in the car park overnight & we'd eat & get shitfaced in his pub. He was obliging & so we sat down to eat, drink & be merry. Well we gets chatting to some local lasses & I tried me luck, got lucky & borrowed our kids keys, now I can't for the life of me fathom out why, maybe it was out of respect for D&T but I took her on the front seats of the van rather than on the mattresses in the back, it was dark so it wasn't an exhibition thing. Crazy eh? Grimbo

I used to work for Bolton Council when Phoenix Nights was on, I actually went to a punk night at St Greg's social club, where they filmed Phoenix Nights but that's by the by, that character was called Keith Lard the fire safety officer. Well at the council the real safety officer was called Keith Laird, he looks f**k all like that character, he had more of a 70's porn star look with shoulder length black hair & a tasche. But he took channel 4 to task for defamation of character. He got a tidy wad off them & gave some of it to the fire brigade or some fire safety campaign. Grimbo

I hope you didn't do a beckham & call the kid Bagfield? Grimbo

Following on from the living in a car thread. I thought this one would be more up our street. I done it in a rover 205 and a Renault 19 but only got a blowie when I had a corsa. I've got a Merc now but never had a sniff, not that I've tried to be honest. When I 1st passed me test I had a daf 44 what a wreck it was, took a bird out but ended up shagging her on a football pitch, at night & not underfloor lights. Good score. So what's your best car shag, make & model please? Grimbo