AsimButtHitsASix

When I was in Poland if I walked into a bar the barman would ask what I wanted in Polish. When I was in Germany and I went to buy a train ticket they would ask in German, etc. etc. Dunno if any of this counts as someone thinking I'm foreign or not tho'. Over half the folk I talk to when they come into work are clearly foreign but I still speak to them in English. When I lived in Jersey a few of the English tourists at my bar kept thinking I was Polish and moaning about "bloody Poles". This was particularly amusing when the person he was moaning about the "Poles" to was a born/bred islander, who spoke Jersey French at home, and said that at least they're better than the fucking English. There was also a Polish girl who worked in the hotel there who was convinced I was Polish and refused to believe me. Since I started working in this hospital at least one visitor/caller a month thinks I'm Polish as well. Also had a guy come round the house to fix the skirting boards and when I answered the door I telt him I'd go get the landlord on the phone for him and he said to me "Do. You. Have. Your. Landlord's. Number?" I was kinda taken aback as to why he was speaking loudly, and slowly, and asking me what I just told him I was about to do when he went onto his phone and, in a stupid cockney accent, said "Yeah. I'm here but the guy living here's bloody Romanian and can't speak English." On the ferry to Aland from Sweden I got chatting to this wummin and was firing in when her two pals, a lesbian couple, came over and didn't believe I was Scottish and were certain I was a Dane, pretending to be Scottish, as a way of getting into Swedish girl's knickers. Also the usual of folk thinking I'm Irish anytime I open my mouth.

Bullet points! http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/jun/20/charleston-south-carolina-shooting-gun-control-reform-myths

Where's this fucking nonsense idea that Switzerland and the US have similar gun regulations? They don't

Well at least this one will be left free of the tired cliché of all bad things coming from religion

The press conference is over and here are the confirmed details: Nine people have died after a gunman entered the Emanuel AME church in Charleston. Eight people were dead when police arrived on the scene, following an emergency call just after 9pm local time. A ninth person died later in hospital. At least one other person was taken to hospital. Police would not confirm the number of survivors or their condition. Police are still hunting a suspect, described as a white male, aged around 21. The shooting is being investigated as a hate crime.

In the Waterfront Car Park in a KA with my girlfriend (her motor) when I was about 20. Was shite. We just bought a picnic blanket and went out in the wild after that whenever her maw and da' were home and we couldn't use hers.

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2015/jun/18/charleston-church-shooting-reports-fatalities-suspect-large-latest-updates Live updates.

Americans

'nice' - the dullest, blandest, word in the English language. I can't even begin to imagine how intolerable the innermost thoughts of people who use that word must be. I mind being in a pub when Barca were playing and Neymar scored (another) exceptional goal and someone at the table who I barely knew said "that was a nice goal". I fucking snapped at the poor c**t and went right through him for it. There is another word I hate hearing but only from women. And only when I ask how they are: "fine" best to step away at that point

Has one. They're in Football Manager 2015

RyanAyr United

No matter if Blatter's one of them or not. A few high profile execs getting huckled will put the shiters up hald the chancers in the place

I think you should set up a premium number for "How's My Driving?" and drive with impeccable class and courtesy. You'll make a fortune from the folk phoning up to tell you how well you drove

Put an advert in the paper for "Brain Training Exercises GUARANTEED to protect you from Alzheimers!" Charge 20 quid a session (one hour) and just download some spacial awareness tests or sudoko type stuff and puzzles and riddles from the internet. Go through them all with the numpty who's paid while doing tai chi moves or something equally ridiculous. Most people don't get alzheimers or dementia so will believe it's worked The ones who do get it wont remember giving you the £20

Shoulda took the USA job

Most of the folk who were bellends in High School appear to have turned into normal, functioning human beings with a good bit of chat on Facebook (or have died of an OD) Whereas the folk I got on with seem to have all turned into Lib Dem voters who eat quinoa and talk constantly about how great their 4 year old kid is at any random task it gets sent to. "Look at Marilon's finger painting! She's just like Picasso!" Aye. I can't tell what it is and only tossers care about it.

I can't remember the last time I done a shite without having a pinch it off for some reason. b*****ds always come to the door just as I've settled down with the paper

wid

Nonsense... it's only a twenty minute to the shinty club

Pat Sharpe famously shaved off his mullet for charity in the mid 90s but the shorn locks were stolen and the winner of the charity auction, Lisa Minelli, was presented with an empty box as the event organisers, Barnardos, assumed she wouldn't bother checking. They were right until 2008 when Ms Minelli was showing the prize off to her dear friend, Richard Herring, and, infuriated, she sued Barnados for over $5,000,000 although an out of court settlement was reached the following autumn

Aye. No (currently) feasible way they could enter the Highland League or Juniors at the moment but a grand day out for the cup? Nae bother

It's shite. Don't bother You can have my spare one London's alright. Get to know yer ain borough when you move doon. Whoever said it's like loads of villages connected was right. You can get strangely attached to yer postcode and start moaning about "media types" who can't afford to live in in Muswell Hill putting the prices up before ye know it.

Western Isles, Orkney and Shetland all play in the Island Games don't they? Would love to see them enter the Scottish Cup.

Get their support from places like Wishaw and that nearby as well tho'

Kirkwall in the professional leagues?