AsimButtHitsASix

Despite knowing f**k all about it there's a strange sense of satisfaction watching "Best Handball Goals" videos on youtube

Pitbull: A singer who's only famous because everyone presumes he's famous somewhere else

Don't get people moaning about the "half time served" rule of thumb. It's not as if judges aren't aware of it and go "WHAT! HE'S OUT ALREADY!?". It's obviously taken into account while sentencing. A three year sentence, with no chance of early release, is not much different than a six year sentence with a chance of early release. Only one of them, however, gives a prisoner a reason to try and reform themselves.

According to rigorous analysis based on the people I speak to on the phones every day about 40% of people in London think "Can you spell that surname?" means repeating the surname but slightly slower.

Malta is actually connected to Italy by a very narrow land bridge but the Maltese government keep it hidden from the maps for tourist purposes but it was even paved in the 1980s to give the "islanders" an escape route in case of nuclear attack.

Badoo?

Canadian club and rollies! I suggested some ginger ale and was quickly dismissed

Lassie from tinder, as mentioned on a post previous, text me yesterday to say she was finishing work early and, coincidentally, was the same time I finished. After a few txt swaps it was agreed we'd just drink whisky in the park and smoke fags since we're both too skint until payday to go to the pub. She, stupidly, was matching me drink for drink with the whisky despite being a wee skinny thing. She invited me back to hers and I, obviously, readily agreed but as we were walking through the park she was having real trouble walking and I realised she was totally fucking hammered. Indeed she was so hammered she couldn't remember the address of her new place that she'd just moved into so had to walk her around West London for three hours until she sobered up enough to remember. By that time the Tube was back on so plonked her on the Bakerloo line and went home. I also just done a shite that smelt of fish despite not eating fish in a coupla weeks now. Been a strange 12 hours.

Yey! Ye win f**k all because I used up ma greenies.

Guess the goal!

Just wait til someone brings Norn back as a revived language. c***s will be fuckin' ragin'

Yeah... just get rid of the English

http://bellacaledonia.org.uk/2015/12/16/ootland/ A rather good article on the subject. There is a theory that the reason that the Celtic nations produce such a high percentage of famous poets, writers and playwrights compared to England, per capita, is down to the differences in grammar, syntax, lexicon, etc. that we all develop growing up. Phrases that are used every day in Wales, Scotland and Ireland make absolutely no sense in English (eg: using "How come?" as opposed to "Why?" in Scotland as an obvious one) so, when writing, they have multiple choices already in their head (dialect and 'proper' English) to choose from but also an inbuilt ability to weave around rigid ideas of grammar and language that "pure" English speakers need to learn. I think too many people look at the idea of languages from a purely vocational outlook and, equally, there's some who look at it from a purely artistic outlook. There are follow on aspects to knowing an extra language, even a dialect, that are beneficial from many points of view. Only a fool would dismiss them outright.

I only know one lassie from Arbroath, stays in Elephant and Castle, and she's delightful and does that great thing where she'll slag off Arbroath all day but will come dangerously close to glassing someone if an outsider does so. Her boyfriend's a bigoted English c**t hiding under the veneer of a Guardian reading leftie mind you.

Bobby Barr

Give it the Javier Bardem chat from Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Nah. Didn't ask too much details because I'm not a mental health professional but it seems like her maw's bi-polar and going through a manic episode. She disnae work in the Borough I cover tho' so wasn't much I could do apart from give her a few numbers. Or could just be a UTI or something. f**k knows.

Turns out the third one's mum's just had a mental health "episode" and was looking for advice

Now a lassie I went on a date with, which I thought failed as she dingied a second one, is asking if I'm free tonight. This is fucking weird. I'm gonna presume this is me getting punk'd or something and dingy the lot of them.

Now just had an ex from about 9 years ago randomly message me on facebook asking to meet up... LIKE FUCKING BUSES

As long as it's not bigger than mine I don't mind

If I had to describe my "perfect" woman down to a tee, from a purely physical point of view, it would be the Polish lassie who just "super liked" me on Tinder an hour ago and is already asking if I'm free tonight. And she's a chef. Just as I'm trying to lose weight as well.

"These sheep are small..." Greatest joke ever written

Typical Fifer. Always bringing it back to incest

Wee article on Kingsley at Swansea. Patronising garbage to open with http://www.walesonline.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/falkirk-prodigy-arsenal-fc-conqueror-10984848