BFTD

Forgive me if there's already a thread like this, but I couldn't see one. Post your half-remembered scenes & storylines from films & shows that you can't remember (or never knew) the name of. Hopefully your P&B siblings can help out! Here's a few to start: Number 1: I remember flicking over to BBC2 late at night about 25 years ago, and there was some Eastern European film on. The scene was of some randy fat housewife with huge droopy knockers, and she was trying to get a wee boy to suck on her pendulous nipples, but he had no idea what she wanted. Don't remember much about it apart from that - I'd like to know what it was so I can confirm it wan't a dream/horrible repressed memory Number 2: Another late-night BBC2 Eastern European offering - I think it was maybe Polish or East German. Some random woman is kidnapped off the street by (what appears to be) the secret police and is interrogated, including death threats and (I think) a bit of rape too. She had no idea what they wanted, and they wouldn't tell her. After years of this, they pretend they're finally going to execute her, and bundle her through a door to where they're presumably going to do the deed. Instead, she's back out on the street in front of a faceless building, and they slam the door closed, leaving her alone with not a clue what happened. Finally Number 3: RandomGuy posted a gif of a guy having his insides ripped out through his bumhole, but the bassa wouldn't tell what it was from It was removed, so that's no help. I've established it isn't from Zombie Holocaust, but I'm stumped now. Ideas? Cheers folks!

. Funny to think that there are kids who'll think that must be a game about fighting pandas or some such I have a wee roster of games that I keep going back to when I get a spare half-hour. All are very, very recommended: Plants vs Zombies Skyrim Fallout 3 Atom Zombie Smasher Doom: the Roguelike Also, Space Hulk. NOT the recently-released official game, or the old Amiga version, but this shareware game by Teardown Software of Sweden: http://youtu.be/VDCmD05j4YM Probably looks pants to most, but it's heaven to anyone that played the board game. Sadly, they got the inevitable cease-and-desist letter from the Games Workshop, and had to alter a lot of stuff, like changing the name to Alien Assault.

I've tried playing that twice - once when new, and again about a year ago. I just can't get into it. The whole thing's so shrill, and very much of the sudden-jump-scare school of horror, which gets really fucking annoying after a while. Doom 3 did the same thing better, and it was annoying to play as well. And the camera...Jesus, the camera

I remember playing a bit of that back when it was new - not bad, and played around with a few ideas that were novel at the time. Main problem was that it was all about running round shooting Things, which wasn't exactly what fans of the film would want. That, and the game would show you a cutscene every time you went near a room with Things in, which warned you about them and told you where they were. Weird choice; kinda killed a lot of the suspense.

Tesis - Spanish film about a film student searching for violent movies to help with her final paper. When her college professor dies, she discovers what appears to be a snuff movie in his possession, and sets out to investigate its provenance. That probably makes the film sound a lot more interesting than it actually is; Tesis is a fairly dull whodunnit with a very small selection of characters to choose from. Could just be me, but one had villain written all over them from their first scene. It doesn't really feel like there's enough going on in the running time, so I found it difficult to stay interested. Curiously unengaging.

There's an actual Weatherspoon in Alloa town centre now, about halfway between the Star and the Thistle, in part of the old Co-Op building. It's called the Bobbing John, a name popular with history buffs and lovers of innuendo. Fnarr.

No wonder we're all out of Europe. Sack the SPFL!

I genuinely don't think that heavy smokers realise how grotty their stuff becomes. I used to recycle old computer equipment, and picking stuff up from smokers homes was horrible. Monitors covered in a thick layer of browny-yellow nicotine grease that would rub off on your clothes and leave you feeling ill all day

We bought a used sofa in excellent condition years ago. Next day, the wife finds a shite-streaked pair of women's knickers stuffed down the side of the cushions She turns to me and says, "are these yours?"

Oculus - When a young man is released from long-term psychiatric care, he has to deal with his sister's insistence that their parents died at the hands of a mysterious haunted mirror. This has a similar feel to other Blumhouse movies such as Insidious and Sinister, and is quite nicely effective for the most part. It builds well towards the inevitable confrontation via a series of flashbacks that show the family's story, while the sister attempts to awaken her brother's memory in the present day. Unfortunately, while it seems to be going somewhere interesting, the final third meshes both storylines with no surprises, and the film ends in possibly the most predictable way imaginable. Bit of a wasted opportunity, as it was really quite good until then. The Purge: Anarchy - the annual night of legal crime arrives again, and various groups of people find themselves under siege. They must work together to survive, and will also discover that The Purge isn't quite what it seems. This is a slightly improved sequel, which is probably at its strongest in the build-up, as the outbreak of violence can't possibly match the fear of it beforehand. It does feel a little tired towards the end, as there are plot elements that seem very familiar (from films like the Hostel series, for example), and the whole thing does come across as an illogical comic book now and then. The plot strays into a bit of socio-economic analysis at times in an attempt to add depth, which is a terrible idea when your whole concept is ludicrous to begin with. I don't know that it was particularly worth seeing in the cinema, but certainly worth renting if you enjoyed the first film. Why is everyone so obsessed with murder anyway? Surely there'd be a lot more looting going on than killing. And the hackers would have a field...err, night. I'd wager that there'd be a lot more consequence-free rape going on too. Not to mention the jaywalking!

Also, buying items from heavy smokers. Like having someone fart in your face when you open the box.

Wrong type of attention-seeking bullshit?

Gives you blisters pretty quick, in my experience.

Anyone else think that some of the BBC's stories are starting to look like a teenage girl's MySpace page? Or whatever they use these days. Bebo? Here's an example: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/special/2014/newsspec_8529/index.html It's an utterly horrific mess

You arrive at the cinema, and somebody has exploded from both ends in one of the seats. Then you look at your ticket...

Frasier. Wish they were still making it.

The Last Broadcast - no-budget found footage film, pre-Blair Witch and one of the earliest in the genre. A documentary film-maker attempts to uncover the truth behind the murders of a small film crew during a live webcast of their public access show. Apparently this movie cost $900 to make, and it does have that student film look to it, including some understandably stiff performances. However, it does a better job than most in managing to keep the viewer's attention, as the narrative gradually works towards the discovery of what happened on the night in question. The final ten minutes sees the film jarringly switch to a different style, which does give the jolt that the makers were looking for, but the ending sadly peters out into nothingness. Still worth a look, but there's the nagging sensation that it could've been turned into something much better. Oh, and try not to think about the technical challenges of making a live webcast in 1995

Noah - tepid adaption of the biblical fable by Darren Aronofsky. I'm never sure of the point in rehashing stories that everybody's familiar with, and Noah doesn't give any answers. The whole thing's very bland, even the filmmakers' additions, and it drags horribly in the second half. It feels that there's some preaching going on, with the portrayal of the descendents of Cain inviting comparison to modern day man, which (if deliberate) is laughable and utterly hypocritical. But the main crime is just that it's all very dull. Not sure why Emma Watson's getting all the hate for this, BTW - she seemed like she was phoning it in just as much as everyone else

And IIRC, when it became undeniable that they hadn't killed the kids, the authorities made them admit to the crimes they didn't commit before they'd release them. Stunning stuff. The Paradise Lost documentaries are worth a look - not for being good documentaries, just for the case background, which beggars belief. You'll never want to hear Metallica again by the end, however.

The comb-over seems to be on its way back too. Such a simple, elegant solution to hair loss. My mate's a barber, and claims that he doesn't notice comb-overs until he starts running the comb through their hair. If he's fooled, what chance do the rest of us have? Try 'em both out and we'll give you our opinions

When I was much younger, living in a flat in London, a couple with a toddler moved into the flat above us. Not sure what his problem was exactly, but the husband was one of the most terrifying people I've ever seen (managed to avoid talking to him, thankfully). The couple had horrible rows every day, full of foul invective from him, the gist of which was usually that he was on the verge of murdering the whole family, and anyone else he saw. The rows usually finished with a good half-hour of him running around the flat bellowing like a deranged animal, while battering the walls with what sounded like a sledgehammer. We'd then get peace for the rest of the day, presumably because everyone had passed out for one reason or another, After a few weeks of this, we had a day of the sledgehammer being used on the floor (our ceiling), for no apparent reason; there hadn't been an argument that we'd heard. Then, suddenly, the argument kicks off, and the toddler starts crying. So, it sounds like he starts hammering the floor with the toddler instead, which is one of the most distressing things I've ever heard. Police called, and the abuse of the child went on until the police arrived. It sounded like the wife and child were shoved into a back room before Mr Angry allowed the police in, and they spent ten minutes talking to the guy. Once finished, they came down to see us, and informed us of the following: the husband was perfectly lucid and reasonable, and everything seemed normal. The wife denied anything had happened, and they couldn't see the child because it was asleep in the back room. Because of this, we were wasting their time, and they'd arrest us if we called them out again. Never called the police in London again, and thankfully the upstairs family moved out a week later. Not sure if they were moving out together, or even if the child was still alive as we certainly never heard it through the floor again

Same flat as above - the upstairs neighbour when we moved in was..."staunch", I suppose you'd say. Union flags draped out of the windows, pipe and drum music at full blast 24/7, the whole shebang. Spent his days hanging out the windows screaming the foulest sectarian abuse I've ever heard at anybody that happened to be passing. Did a nice line in aggressive racism too, as I discovered when I ended up on the same bus as him and a wee Pakistani gentleman. He hadn't previously made this guy's acquaintance, but felt quite comfortable singing songs about his negative views on Pakistanis and immigrants in general, before getting up and screaming abuse in the guys ear from about a foot away. Three weeks later, he was gone. Apparently he'd been a problem for the council for so long that they had him shipped out to another council area. Who gave him a nice three-bedroom house

Well, this thread certainly brought back plenty of traumatic memories. For what it's worth, if you can't live with your neighbours' behaviour, then move when you can. Unless you like conflict, and some folk do, the alternatives are always detrimental to your life. Now for the obligatory anecdotes... Used to live across from a couple with a baby, and the man would regularly kick the shit out of the wife. Police would be called out, only to be attacked by her, screaming abuse about them persecuting her poor innocent man She was a well-known prostitute, which presumably was at the centre of most of his assaults. He was the type of belligerent drunk that would roll in without keys at 2am and proceed to kick the front door in. Got his doors mixed up once and started on ours, so we called the police, and he was drunk enough to fancy that he could treat them the same as his wife. The sound of a face hitting a brick wall has never sounded so good, and we particularly enjoyed the plaintive greeting for his mammy that followed. Never saw the p***k again, and the wife later complained to us that the council had finally got sick of fixing their front door, so they were to be evicted if he ever entered the building.

Sorry chap

Has she always been registered with her dad's practice? Time to change if he can't be professional IMO.