BFTD

Oculus - When a young man is released from long-term psychiatric care, he has to deal with his sister's insistence that their parents died at the hands of a mysterious haunted mirror. This has a similar feel to other Blumhouse movies such as Insidious and Sinister, and is quite nicely effective for the most part. It builds well towards the inevitable confrontation via a series of flashbacks that show the family's story, while the sister attempts to awaken her brother's memory in the present day. Unfortunately, while it seems to be going somewhere interesting, the final third meshes both storylines with no surprises, and the film ends in possibly the most predictable way imaginable. Bit of a wasted opportunity, as it was really quite good until then. The Purge: Anarchy - the annual night of legal crime arrives again, and various groups of people find themselves under siege. They must work together to survive, and will also discover that The Purge isn't quite what it seems. This is a slightly improved sequel, which is probably at its strongest in the build-up, as the outbreak of violence can't possibly match the fear of it beforehand. It does feel a little tired towards the end, as there are plot elements that seem very familiar (from films like the Hostel series, for example), and the whole thing does come across as an illogical comic book now and then. The plot strays into a bit of socio-economic analysis at times in an attempt to add depth, which is a terrible idea when your whole concept is ludicrous to begin with. I don't know that it was particularly worth seeing in the cinema, but certainly worth renting if you enjoyed the first film. Why is everyone so obsessed with murder anyway? Surely there'd be a lot more looting going on than killing. And the hackers would have a field...err, night. I'd wager that there'd be a lot more consequence-free rape going on too. Not to mention the jaywalking!

Also, buying items from heavy smokers. Like having someone fart in your face when you open the box.

Wrong type of attention-seeking bullshit?

Gives you blisters pretty quick, in my experience.

Anyone else think that some of the BBC's stories are starting to look like a teenage girl's MySpace page? Or whatever they use these days. Bebo? Here's an example: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/special/2014/newsspec_8529/index.html It's an utterly horrific mess

You arrive at the cinema, and somebody has exploded from both ends in one of the seats. Then you look at your ticket...

Frasier. Wish they were still making it.

The Last Broadcast - no-budget found footage film, pre-Blair Witch and one of the earliest in the genre. A documentary film-maker attempts to uncover the truth behind the murders of a small film crew during a live webcast of their public access show. Apparently this movie cost $900 to make, and it does have that student film look to it, including some understandably stiff performances. However, it does a better job than most in managing to keep the viewer's attention, as the narrative gradually works towards the discovery of what happened on the night in question. The final ten minutes sees the film jarringly switch to a different style, which does give the jolt that the makers were looking for, but the ending sadly peters out into nothingness. Still worth a look, but there's the nagging sensation that it could've been turned into something much better. Oh, and try not to think about the technical challenges of making a live webcast in 1995

Noah - tepid adaption of the biblical fable by Darren Aronofsky. I'm never sure of the point in rehashing stories that everybody's familiar with, and Noah doesn't give any answers. The whole thing's very bland, even the filmmakers' additions, and it drags horribly in the second half. It feels that there's some preaching going on, with the portrayal of the descendents of Cain inviting comparison to modern day man, which (if deliberate) is laughable and utterly hypocritical. But the main crime is just that it's all very dull. Not sure why Emma Watson's getting all the hate for this, BTW - she seemed like she was phoning it in just as much as everyone else

And IIRC, when it became undeniable that they hadn't killed the kids, the authorities made them admit to the crimes they didn't commit before they'd release them. Stunning stuff. The Paradise Lost documentaries are worth a look - not for being good documentaries, just for the case background, which beggars belief. You'll never want to hear Metallica again by the end, however.

The comb-over seems to be on its way back too. Such a simple, elegant solution to hair loss. My mate's a barber, and claims that he doesn't notice comb-overs until he starts running the comb through their hair. If he's fooled, what chance do the rest of us have? Try 'em both out and we'll give you our opinions

When I was much younger, living in a flat in London, a couple with a toddler moved into the flat above us. Not sure what his problem was exactly, but the husband was one of the most terrifying people I've ever seen (managed to avoid talking to him, thankfully). The couple had horrible rows every day, full of foul invective from him, the gist of which was usually that he was on the verge of murdering the whole family, and anyone else he saw. The rows usually finished with a good half-hour of him running around the flat bellowing like a deranged animal, while battering the walls with what sounded like a sledgehammer. We'd then get peace for the rest of the day, presumably because everyone had passed out for one reason or another, After a few weeks of this, we had a day of the sledgehammer being used on the floor (our ceiling), for no apparent reason; there hadn't been an argument that we'd heard. Then, suddenly, the argument kicks off, and the toddler starts crying. So, it sounds like he starts hammering the floor with the toddler instead, which is one of the most distressing things I've ever heard. Police called, and the abuse of the child went on until the police arrived. It sounded like the wife and child were shoved into a back room before Mr Angry allowed the police in, and they spent ten minutes talking to the guy. Once finished, they came down to see us, and informed us of the following: the husband was perfectly lucid and reasonable, and everything seemed normal. The wife denied anything had happened, and they couldn't see the child because it was asleep in the back room. Because of this, we were wasting their time, and they'd arrest us if we called them out again. Never called the police in London again, and thankfully the upstairs family moved out a week later. Not sure if they were moving out together, or even if the child was still alive as we certainly never heard it through the floor again

Same flat as above - the upstairs neighbour when we moved in was..."staunch", I suppose you'd say. Union flags draped out of the windows, pipe and drum music at full blast 24/7, the whole shebang. Spent his days hanging out the windows screaming the foulest sectarian abuse I've ever heard at anybody that happened to be passing. Did a nice line in aggressive racism too, as I discovered when I ended up on the same bus as him and a wee Pakistani gentleman. He hadn't previously made this guy's acquaintance, but felt quite comfortable singing songs about his negative views on Pakistanis and immigrants in general, before getting up and screaming abuse in the guys ear from about a foot away. Three weeks later, he was gone. Apparently he'd been a problem for the council for so long that they had him shipped out to another council area. Who gave him a nice three-bedroom house

Well, this thread certainly brought back plenty of traumatic memories. For what it's worth, if you can't live with your neighbours' behaviour, then move when you can. Unless you like conflict, and some folk do, the alternatives are always detrimental to your life. Now for the obligatory anecdotes... Used to live across from a couple with a baby, and the man would regularly kick the shit out of the wife. Police would be called out, only to be attacked by her, screaming abuse about them persecuting her poor innocent man She was a well-known prostitute, which presumably was at the centre of most of his assaults. He was the type of belligerent drunk that would roll in without keys at 2am and proceed to kick the front door in. Got his doors mixed up once and started on ours, so we called the police, and he was drunk enough to fancy that he could treat them the same as his wife. The sound of a face hitting a brick wall has never sounded so good, and we particularly enjoyed the plaintive greeting for his mammy that followed. Never saw the p***k again, and the wife later complained to us that the council had finally got sick of fixing their front door, so they were to be evicted if he ever entered the building.

Sorry chap

Has she always been registered with her dad's practice? Time to change if he can't be professional IMO.

Kate Hudson. I used to think it was just the films I'd seen her in, which were usually horrible in some way or another. Then I figured it was the characters she plays. But I've just seen her in a decent film playing a reasonable character and doing a competent job of it, and she still annoyed the hell out of me. No idea why.

Fell asleep during that years ago, and I wasn't even fucking tired. I'll give it another go sometime if you enjoyed it.

Machete - A Mexican Federale is exiled from his home country after a raid on a drug baron goes wrong, and finds himself embroiled in a political scandal in America years later. Honestly, that summary gives no indication of what to expect from this film; it's totally bonkers, and revels in its ludicrous plot. It's all very silly indeed, and packed full of name actors delivering pitch-perfect performances. Gore, guns, and hot chicks abound, and the whole thing is a substantial amount of fun. Wanted to watch Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror after that, but we don't have it - boo! So, instead... The Skeleton Key - Care home nurse Kate Hudson takes a job looking after stroke victim John Hurt in the old Louisiana house he inhabits with his wife. However, she starts to realise that his condition might not be as straightforward as she's been told. Nice addition to the N'Orleans voodoo horror genre that attempts to lead the viewer down a few garden paths before the big reveal at the end. Not bad at all, with a nice line in vaguely creepy voodoo ceremony recordings, and it's a film that's worth another watch once you're aware of what's really been going on.

Programs that don't auto-save. You've been typing for ages (in Comic Sans, like a pro, natch), and need to Ctrl+C a chunk of your text into another program. Like a fud, you forget to save first, and your finger slips to 'V'. Dog kicked, bairns skelped, keyboard oot the windae

Resident Evil: Degeneration - for anyone who has played the video games, there's little point in summing up the plot. This plays very much like somebody took the cut scenes from one of the games and stitched them together - every beat of the plot feels very familiar, and the CG is of a similar quality. And it's surprisingly dull, considering how much I enjoyed playing the first three games. Interesting to see how limber the characters are, however - I used to spend my time running around in circles when I played Raising Cain - One of Brian De Palma's wackier entries; John Lithgow is a family man who was psychologically experimented upon as a child by his lunatic father. Lithgow ends up playing a handful of different roles, and his bizarre accents and mugging add to the oddness of the whole affair. A lot of De Palma's familiar themes (like voyeurism) crop up again, and the whole thing's kinda fun, so long as you're not looking for something to take too seriously. Cabin Fever - Debut feature from Eli Roth (of Hostel fame). A bunch of teens stay in the archetypal cabin in the woods, and are horrified to find that a flesh-eating virus has infected the area. Upon release, this was advertised as a return to '70s hardcore horror, so I found it a major disappointment. It's an entertaining enough film, but there's an awful lot of goofy hit-and-miss redneck humour throughout, which detracts from the horror elements. Still worth a look, but don't expect a 'proper' horror film. But hey, Cerina Vincent's boobs

It's not the kind of thing you can dip in and out of; you need to give it your full attention for the running time. Preferably on your own, in the dark. It's depressing as hell, and parts of it are very difficult to watch. Give it a miss if you don't like feeling like crap after watching a film.

Apparently so; just checked the IMDB, and he used it during the opening half-hour. If it worked once, it wouldn't surprise me if he tried it again. I need to check out more of his films, actually. I think the only other one I've seen is Sodomites, which did exactly what it said on the tin.

Right enough; it's been years since I've seen it, so I'd forgotten. WTF was that all about?

Martyrs is a quality film too, IMO. Disagree with the negatives on Srpski Film and Irreversible; all three were very successful at what they set out to do, assuming that was to make the viewer's skin crawl. Worked for me, but I guess not for everyone. Jesus Christ, did they work for me