yoda

I tried to get her 'telt' but some 20 stone giant in the seat across from her told me 'Hey son. She's old and your young, you can stand until Glasgow I'm sure' Me: 'I could but I've already paid for a seat - this seat actually - and I am entitled to it.' Man: 'I don't want any trouble right so would you kindly f**k off and leave her in peace' Me: 'I'll ask the conductor to resolve the situation'. Conductor (enters stage right) : 'Well she is old and I don't want to move her. Perhaps it would be best if you just stand. There aren't any seats left'. I was left with no option

Is that a man or a lesbian? They seem pretty critical of it, but I'll still give it a go. Can't be any worse than standing from Inverness to Glasgow on a train because some old bid has taken your seat and refuses to move even though I have paid for said seat and she had to buy a ticket on the train. Edit:- I particularly liked the bit on that link when he/she says they went to Inverness as a bit of escapism. That would be a bit like Steve McQueen doing the great escape then ending up tunneling into Colditz by accident.

Do people not walk to school anymore?

Do CityLink Gold buses have plug-sockets on them to plug in a laptop charger or any other electrical device that has a plug? Can not find anything on their website and I want to try one of these apparently brilliant buses next time I head up the road.

I saw it today. Housewife favourite Colin Firth is excellent and it would be scandalous for him not to win an Oscar for his performance. Geoffrey Rush is superb and comes close to stealing Firth's thunder I thought. Househusband favourite Helena Bonham-Carter also puts in a decent show as the Queen Mother. I'll give it a 9/10. A very feel good film (not my normal choice of film really) with some funny bits thrown into it. I wasn't really expecting much over than over-hyped rubbish but it was very good.

Thanks for the helpful advice. I'm retro.

She has terrific legs. A good thing to share with P&B.

Can someone please explain how I would go about doing a football accumulator (or whatever they are called) from the bookies? I'm new to this bookies stuff.

You are both wrong. The game came along first.

I had already taught Cut to this Pokemon Farfetch'd had no place on my belt

He could use cut? I did not know this. *Goes to find "Pokemon Blue"*

In the TV series of Pokemon he was great. Used his leek as a sword and shouted 'Farfetch'd' an awful lot. In the game he was shit, did nothing other than look really cool.

I'll add him to my list. He's got a few good tunes.

American Gangster Quite a good watch. Crowe and Washington both put in very good performances - especially Crowe is was outstanding, not quite "Cinderella Man" but still a very good performance. The moment when Frank Lucas walks out of the church only to see Richard Roberts waiting for him infront of a police car was fantastic. Whilst it was good, the rest of the cast seemed quite weak (although perhaps because the story is centred around Lucas and Roberts they can allow for a weak supporting cast). 7/10

Well "Band of Brothers" was about US airborne troops in Europe, "The Pacific" is about US marines in the Pacific Theater of Operations. More action but less character development - which results in the viewer having less of a 'connection' with the characters (or that applied to me at least). Obviously it was never going to be as good as "BoB" but it is still a good watch.

There are two bands/artists that I try and hide when someone looks at my iPod. Katy Perry Girls Aloud Robbie Williams

'Birds of a feather' and all that.

Weird stories involving some form of sexual activity in your school? I've got one for you. I was in 6th year at the time and we got told by someone who witnessed this as they were helping out in a 1st year French class. Two wee first years sitting beside each other in class, learning how to say various basic French things. Quite an innocent scene really. Well this innocence was shattered when a girl decided it would be a great idea to give the boy beside her a hand-job (apparently it was later revealed that they were in fact 'going out' with each other) in the middle of class whilst learning how to say 'I like...' in French. The teacher noticed something was up (tee-hee) and then escorted them down to the headteacher's office. The boy in question was then sent to the toilet to change his trousers and underwear before being taken back into the office. I'm sure there are more but I can't remember any.

What part of 'f**k off you tedious shite' don't you understand? Perhaps a tad harsh but probably merited.

However if I play devil's advocate for a moment.

The Naked Gun I have never watched this all the way through so I thought I would give it a watch today. It is one of the best comedy films I have ever seen. Leslie Nielsen's delivery of every line is superb and although the puns are quite obvious, they consistently bring out a laugh every time. I'll give it an 8/10. Which is quite high-scoring for a comedy film in my book.