Chicken George

Arriving at the game with a charge in me.

Manpreet just has more charisma than the standard boring punter, who seem to be his biggest critics.

Cue 10 stone weight gain eclipsing Coisty and Ricky Hatton.

I would say the rainbow stripes and associated 'we welcome all' message is more than just a gimmick in this world we live in nowadays. The only drawback I see is we may alienate the Iranian, Saudi and central African branches of our supporters clubs.

They are missing a colour - violet. ROYGBIV

Dear Steve Clarke, Do not pick any Kilmarnock players again you fucking idiot. Thanks

No chance for either two. Rangers would only loan them to a top flight team.

Better off with Frankie Fredericks Jr

May George Michael this evening be personal chauffeur to Brophy and O'Donnell.

I actually just felt some excitement there for the new season.

Have faith. We will uncover gems and win the league.

There are also English accents in our support, as there are indeed Scots with English accents.

I am here for the macabre but yet somehow fascinating nature of any post-mortem. Dundee Utd fans, please continue.

This could feeenesh Utd

You are going to experience what it's like to be FEENEESHED

I'm swung by the Cathro camp. Would have him before any ex player in an assistant role.

Arguably. But I'd much prefer a neglected proper stadium than a corrugated McDonald's stadium. Careful what you wish for.

Malky McKay / Alex McLeish as scouts/drinking partners

Whyte and McKay as assistants.

Announce Peter 'sucking on lemons face' Grant as chief technical coach.

Sir Stevie Clarke and 10 utter nonentities. Ed De Goey is very Dutch looking. Clarke, dubarry, le beouf, ?, Flo, poyet, petrescu, cheeky Charlie wise, vialli, Di matteo

Can't see why players who haven't performed for a couple of seasons for us can justifiably be 'angry'. The only ones who have a right to be angry are the fans who have watched the rubbish on display for the best part of two seasons. We needed scraping back and a reboot, and that is what Caldwell is doing.

He's FEENEESHED

Dundee Utd to FEENEESH St Mirren.