RH33 Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 My baby was 1 today! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Seagal Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Long-time user posting under my 'other' account. So aye, families, eh? Since the wee one was born my mum has taken on a massive role in helping out with her. We used to stay just over the road and was going there at least a few days every week while my wife and I were working. This worked pretty well to begin with, but then my mum started doing things 'her' way rather than ours. We are trying to get the weeone into a routine but she's not helping - sometimes she has left the wee one with another family member, has been giving her her dinner hours too early, trying to potty train her too early and so on. We've bit our tongue because she really is a fantastic help to us but this has kept going on and on, and now my wife is understandably a bit upset about it all. Thing is, I have absolutely no idea how to bring up the subject with my mum at all. My sister and I were looked after by our mum's parents while we were young and she was working, and she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. But we have another wee one on the way and need to get our first-born into as good a routine as possible. Anyone any tips / advice? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Long-time user posting under my 'other' account.So aye, families, eh?Since the wee one was born my mum has taken on a massive role in helping out with her. We used to stay just over the road and was going there at least a few days every week while my wife and I were working. This worked pretty well to begin with, but then my mum started doing things 'her' way rather than ours. We are trying to get the weeone into a routine but she's not helping - sometimes she has left the wee one with another family member, has been giving her her dinner hours too early, trying to potty train her too early and so on. We've bit our tongue because she really is a fantastic help to us but this has kept going on and on, and now my wife is understandably a bit upset about it all.Thing is, I have absolutely no idea how to bring up the subject with my mum at all. My sister and I were looked after by our mum's parents while we were young and she was working, and she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. But we have another wee one on the way and need to get our first-born into as good a routine as possible.Anyone any tips / advice? How old are we talking? The wee one that is, no yer maw. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Long-time user posting under my 'other' account. So aye, families, eh? Since the wee one was born my mum has taken on a massive role in helping out with her. We used to stay just over the road and was going there at least a few days every week while my wife and I were working. This worked pretty well to begin with, but then my mum started doing things 'her' way rather than ours. We are trying to get the weeone into a routine but she's not helping - sometimes she has left the wee one with another family member, has been giving her her dinner hours too early, trying to potty train her too early and so on. We've bit our tongue because she really is a fantastic help to us but this has kept going on and on, and now my wife is understandably a bit upset about it all. Thing is, I have absolutely no idea how to bring up the subject with my mum at all. My sister and I were looked after by our mum's parents while we were young and she was working, and she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. But we have another wee one on the way and need to get our first-born into as good a routine as possible. Anyone any tips / advice? She is obviously trying to make up for leaving you to be brought up by your Gran and is trying to compensate to show how good a mother she is. Unfortunately you are going to have to bite the bullet and get her told before she makes it worse. Either that or make her watch Everybody Loves Raymond and comment on how similar it is. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Long-time user posting under my 'other' account. So aye, families, eh? Since the wee one was born my mum has taken on a massive role in helping out with her. We used to stay just over the road and was going there at least a few days every week while my wife and I were working. This worked pretty well to begin with, but then my mum started doing things 'her' way rather than ours. We are trying to get the weeone into a routine but she's not helping - sometimes she has left the wee one with another family member, has been giving her her dinner hours too early, trying to potty train her too early and so on. We've bit our tongue because she really is a fantastic help to us but this has kept going on and on, and now my wife is understandably a bit upset about it all. Thing is, I have absolutely no idea how to bring up the subject with my mum at all. My sister and I were looked after by our mum's parents while we were young and she was working, and she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. But we have another wee one on the way and need to get our first-born into as good a routine as possible. Anyone any tips / advice? It depends on your relationship with your mum. Is she likely to get upset/annoyed by you bringing it up? Does she think she's helping you by implementing toilet training or does she just think that it's what should be done? Given you have a wee one on the way, this is probably your best in-road. Try explaining that you're trying to establish a routine that you need everyone to stick to for the sake of your daughter so she doesn't get too put out by the new arrival. Perhaps you feel that potty training is something that's best left until the baby's been around a few months so that when she's the big sister, she gets to be a big girl. Some studies show that potty training is best left alone three months either side of a new baby coming. A big change can set an older sibling back and some parents find that children go back to wanting nappies when they see the attention the younger one gets. Maybe it's something your wife wants to do while she's on maternity leave so that your daughter is getting plenty of attention from her mummy when the baby's born. If you can put it constructively and back it up with logic, it shouldn't come across as sounding ungrateful or cheeky. Make a point of saying how much you appreciate what she does, though you don't necessarily want to open with that if you think your mum will see straight through it. If it looks like you're sitting her down for a serious talk, she might worry she's upset you or think you've been criticising her behind her back, if you see what I mean. Maybe something along the lines of "We've been taking about setting a routine for xxx to make it easier for when the baby comes and we'd like to try xyz. Would you mind helping us out with it? I think she'd find it easier to adapt if her Granny's helping out too". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Seagal Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 So, aye. Things have not gone well. We had our 20-week scan today (yeah, so this will give the game away to a few folk). At the scan we found out my wife as an Ambiotic Band. This has stressed my wife and I out. To make things worse, I've been talking to my aunt over the past week about how best to approach things with my mum. My aunt's went and told my mum everything and had a text-argument with my wife. Today my mum found out about this and wanted to come along to see me. Cue my mum and wife getting incredibly upset and my mum storming out of the house refusing to speak to anyone. This is fucking shite. I feel sick. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scary Bear Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) My oldest is 4 today. Time flies. I'll be dead soon. Tea of champions to celebrate - 9 fish suppers and a sausage supper for the family. Edited March 14, 2014 by Scary Bear 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 So, aye. Things have not gone well. We had our 20-week scan today (yeah, so this will give the game away to a few folk). At the scan we found out my wife as an Ambiotic Band. This has stressed my wife and I out. To make things worse, I've been talking to my aunt over the past week about how best to approach things with my mum. My aunt's went and told my mum everything and had a text-argument with my wife. Today my mum found out about this and wanted to come along to see me. Cue my mum and wife getting incredibly upset and my mum storming out of the house refusing to speak to anyone. This is fucking shite. I feel sick. Right now, I don't think it's your mum you need to focus on. Today must have been a shock for you and it isn't your job to look after her now. Personally, I'd leave her to calm down and concentrate on your wife and yourself. I don't doubt she's a little stunned herself and needs some time to absorb it all. I really hope it works out for you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reina Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Yes, I agree with Mrs M. It's time to focus on your wife and your children. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuggie_Murray7 Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 TBH it sounds like a lose/lose situation either way. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 TBH it sounds like a lose/lose situation either way. Came on to say the exact same. Take my mantra, have nothing to do with it. Whatever you say to either your wife/mum is almost certainly bound to be wrong, and you'll end up getting grief for it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandarilla Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Came on to say the exact same. Take my mantra, have nothing to do with it. Whatever you say to either your wife/mum is almost certainly bound to be wrong, and you'll end up getting grief for it. Aye but I'd suggest you have to take your wife's side...always. Marriages are never good when the wife feels like she's in competition with the mother-in-law. That can never end well. As others have said give all your focus to your wife and child and hopefully your mum will come round. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Aye but I'd suggest you have to take your wife's side...always. Marriages are never good when the wife feels like she's in competition with the mother-in-law. That can never end well. As others have said give all your focus to your wife and child and hopefully your mum will come round. Yeah, but don't voice your unhappiness at being placed in the middle, that will result in both parties having a go for some reason. Nod and agree, just nod and agree. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandarilla Posted March 14, 2014 Share Posted March 14, 2014 Yeah, but don't voice your unhappiness at being placed in the middle, that will result in both parties having a go for some reason. Nod and agree, just nod and agree. Nah for me there's no middle. I married this woman and that's pretty much that. No split loyalties. I would never let my mum say anything negative about my wife. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Seagal Posted March 15, 2014 Share Posted March 15, 2014 Sorry for the amount of posts, but it helps me a bit just getting stuff out there. My aunt and I have been texting each other today a few times. I'm incredibly annoyed at her, not least for showing my mum my wife's text, but also for telling her other sister (my other aunt) what has been going on. So now my wife feels utterly humiliated as (not entirely without reason) she feels like my mum and two aunts have been talking about her, and it won't be nice things. Last night my wife said that the only solution she could see would be for us to finish. I don't think she really meant it and of course I told her that's not really what she wants and definitely not what I want. Thankfully she hasn't mentioned it again today so I think she realises she was being silly. I asked if I could meet my aunt and mum tomorrow and explain a bit about what has been going on. Problem is that my mum breaking from our routine should have been addressed months ago, but wasn't, and now has escalated. My mum doesn't feel ready to meet me yet but she did say that she hopes that me and my daughter are fine and that she still loves me (I'm guessing that she deliberately didn't mention my wife's name when saying we're okay). To make things worse my aunt has now got it into her head that my wife is depressed, which she's not. She does have ADHD and as a result has difficulties with communication and maintaining relationships, but I've lived with her when she's had depression before and I know she's not gotten it now. This claim is therefore annoying her greatly. My aunt just seems to be making things worse even though she's trying to help. Aaargh! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
el buitre Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 When you choose to work over one of you looking after your kids dont be surprised when the person looking after the kid decides what they want the child to do. You cant fire the kid to your mums with a set of strict guidelines. Grandparents especially are a law unto themselves. And tell the mrs to get a grip, split up? Over a stupid arguement regards your mum? Stop texting people and talk. Ive been through all this shit and the only thing that works is straight talking but ask yourself.... if it was her mum that was the problem would she be so keen to throw in the towel with you? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 When you choose to work over one of you looking after your kids dont be surprised when the person looking after the kid decides what they want the child to do. You cant fire the kid to your mums with a set of strict guidelines. Grandparents especially are a law unto themselves. And tell the mrs to get a grip, split up? Over a stupid arguement regards your mum? Stop texting people and talk. Ive been through all this shit and the only thing that works is straight talking but ask yourself.... if it was her mum that was the problem would she be so keen to throw in the towel with you? Wow. Well you're wrong. You shouldn't expect grandparents to do everything their own way. You should be able to expect them to act in the best interests of the child. "When you choose to work"? How patronising and narrow-minded are you? Did you choose to work or do you have to go to work? In addition, she's pregnant, just received some upsetting news regarding the pregnancy and is in the middle of an argument she didn't start and you think he should tell her to get a grip? Wow. Just fucking wow. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parsforlife Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 In addition, she's pregnant, just received some upsetting news regarding the pregnancy and is in the middle of an argument she didn't start and you think he should tell her to get a grip? Wow. Just fucking wow.To be fair anyone who suggests breaking up in an argument, weather they mean it or not should get a grip, it's a piss poor way to behave. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 To be fair anyone who suggests breaking up in an argument, weather they mean it or not should get a grip, it's a piss poor way to behave. You don't see why she might have been upset enough she felt it was the solution to end the tension? Chuck in a load of pregnancy hormones and in-laws seemingly blaming her for it all and rationality flies out the window. To tell her she needs to get a grip is a bit harsh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
parsforlife Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 (edited) You don't see why she might have been upset enough she felt it was the solution to end the tension? Chuck in a load of pregnancy hormones and in-laws seemingly blaming her for it all and rationality flies out the window. To tell her she needs to get a grip is a bit harsh.Erm that's kinda the point, when somebody loses control of there emotions and stops being rational is exactly the time they need to get a grip.I'm not suggesting he screams at her to get a grip with a torrent of abuse thrown in, and if she's calmed down since it maybe best to leave it. But telling someone to get a grip is essentially telling them to calm down, think rationally and realise there being a complete fuckwit, exactly what his wife needed to do. Edited March 16, 2014 by parsforlife 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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