Pregnancy And Parenting

[Alert Mongoose]

On 12/05/2021 at 16:59, ICTChris said:

Saw this story on the BBC today

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-57084243

Essentially, adopted children from difficult backgrounds were contacted by their birth families through social media and have now abandoned their adopted family for their birth parents.

I remember reading a Twitter thread about adoption ages ago.  There's a vision of adoption in popular culture that doesn't match up with reality - the idea of baby adoption or people finding out they are adopted when they are adults.  The majority of adopted children are from horrific backgrounds and are often suffering from physical trauma.  There's a growing movement of adopted parents who adopt children without being told their needs and end up with children they can't cope with.  I don't know what the solution is as you assume that the birth families will be in the same situation.  Around 5-10% of adoptions are thought to fail but there are no statistics collected on this.

I guess it's the age old nature v nurture argument.  Having children does show you how they are semi-clones but are also entirely their own people.

Bit late here but this is a bit of a concern for us. He’s only just turned 5 so not an immediate worry though.  He does have 6 half brothers somewhere in the area so it’s going to be tough (I think all have been in care at some point).  I’m still trying to work out at what age to tell him about adoption as I don’t think not telling him is an option.  I think the wife and I have found it tough at times but it was the best decision we ever made and all you can do is your best.  He’s always been a little behind but still gets there. I’ve always wondered if subconsciously getting taken into care from his birth mum at birth then taken from his foster mum at 9 months (when he came to us) has knocked him back a little.  Will worry about the serious stuff

 

 

 

Edited June 21, 2021 by Alert Mongoose

[pandarilla]

Almost created some beef in the nursery WhatsApp group the other day. One parent complained about their kid getting paint in his top, another chimes in saying that she would send her kid back in in paint covered clothes to make a point and had written to the nursery about claiming the cost of clothes damaged at nursery back.
These are three and four year olds. Their clothes are going to get covered in paint and mud and grass and their food and quite possibly their own faeces. Unbelievable. I was considering replying saying this but don’t want to beef with the kids my son smears paint on all day.

It's unreal.

My missus works in a nursery and the immaturity of some of the parents has me raging on a regular basis.

Kids at that age should be engaged in messy play. That's the whole point.

[Bairnardo]

10 minutes ago, pandarilla said:

It's unreal.

My missus works in a nursery and the immaturity of some of the parents has me raging on a regular basis.

Kids at that age should be engaged in messy play. That's the whole point.
 

My youngest daughter comes out like shes been in the fucking trenches every day. An absolute filth magnet. Looks like she has a great time tbf. The wife occasionally makes comment on it, the MiL goes bananas about it. Both of them seem to ignore the fact that the nursery are always very clear that they encourage messy play. 

[pandarilla]

My youngest daughter comes out like shes been in the fucking trenches every day. An absolute filth magnet. Looks like she has a great time tbf. The wife occasionally makes comment on it, the MiL goes bananas about it. Both of them seem to ignore the fact that the nursery are always very clear that they encourage messy play. 

Why do they care about what the kid looks like? I want my kids to not give a shit about their clothes for as long as possible.

And messy play is always the best fucking play.

[Bairnardo]

Just now, pandarilla said:

Why do they care about what the kid looks like? I want my kids to not give a shit about their clothes for as long as possible.

And messy play is always the best fucking play.

Precisely. 

[Honest Saints Fan]

This was the youngest yesterday after being collected from nursery. Often he is so boggin' he is on a change of clothes. I put him in the cheapest clothes for nursery so that he can do what he wants. They wash after all and if the stains don't come I don't really care.

[Jacksgranda]

On 12/05/2021 at 16:59, ICTChris said:

Saw this story on the BBC today

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-57084243

Essentially, adopted children from difficult backgrounds were contacted by their birth families through social media and have now abandoned their adopted family for their birth parents.

I remember reading a Twitter thread about adoption ages ago.  There's a vision of adoption in popular culture that doesn't match up with reality - the idea of baby adoption or people finding out they are adopted when they are adults.  The majority of adopted children are from horrific backgrounds and are often suffering from physical trauma.  There's a growing movement of adopted parents who adopt children without being told their needs and end up with children they can't cope with.  I don't know what the solution is as you assume that the birth families will be in the same situation.  Around 5-10% of adoptions are thought to fail but there are no statistics collected on this.

I guess it's the age old nature v nurture argument.  Having children does show you how they are semi-clones but are also entirely their own people.

The young lad we fostered for 16 years came from a failed adoption.

He came to us for a fortnight while his parents "moved house" - social workers really can be quite devious when it suits them.

They also hadn't told his adoptive parents the problems they might have as he had fetal alcohol system.*

He ended up calling us "mummy and daddy" as opposed to his adoptive parents, who, if I recall correctly, only saw him once after he came to us.

9 hours ago, Alert Mongoose said:

Bit late here but this is a bit of a concern for us. He’s only just turned 5 so not an immediate worry though.  He does have 6 half brothers somewhere in the area so it’s going to be tough (I think all have been in care at some point).  I’m still trying to work out at what age to tell him about adoption as I don’t think not telling him is an option.  I think the wife and I have found it tough at times but it was the best decision we ever made and all you can do is your best.  He’s always been a little behind but still gets there. I’ve always wondered if subconsciously getting taken into care from his birth mum at birth then taken from his foster mum at 9 months (when he came to us) has knocked him back a little.  Will worry about the serious stuff

 

 

 

Shouldn't really affect him too much at that age, but I'm no expert.

Our wee man had been through 20+ foster carers before he was adopted.

One we fostered who went on to be adopted (by another couple) came to us at 3 months and left at two years, he saw his birth mother fairly regularly for the first wee while, he came through it allright, although we haven't seen him for a while.

* syndrome

Edited June 22, 2021 by Jacksgranda
Typo

[Sergeant Wilson]

10 hours ago, Alert Mongoose said:

Bit late here but this is a bit of a concern for us. He’s only just turned 5 so not an immediate worry though.  He does have 6 half brothers somewhere in the area so it’s going to be tough (I think all have been in care at some point).  I’m still trying to work out at what age to tell him about adoption as I don’t think not telling him is an option.  I think the wife and I have found it tough at times but it was the best decision we ever made and all you can do is your best.  He’s always been a little behind but still gets there. I’ve always wondered if subconsciously getting taken into care from his birth mum at birth then taken from his foster mum at 9 months (when he came to us) has knocked him back a little.  Will worry about the serious stuff

 

 

 

Who doesn't love a day out at the grave yard?

[Alert Mongoose]

51 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Who doesn't love a day out at the grave yard?

People of your advancing years…

[Sergeant Wilson]

22 minutes ago, Alert Mongoose said:

People of your advancing years…

I go up to see my pals.

[Alert Mongoose]

28 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I go up to see my pals.

Call me an arsehole…

 

[RH33]

I worked in a nursery until a few weeks ago, I came out covered in paint/flour etc everyday!

[ICTChris]

3 minutes ago, TAFKAM said:

wee kids an graveyards are awful/great depending on your perspective. I recently attended a funeral and my laddie wouldn't sit still so I took him for a potter around the graveyard and after turning to check how to get back to the gathering for a second I was confronted by him going 'angel! angel!' holding someone's little statue votive offering to a dead relative.

I took a random guess as to where he'd got it and plonked it down and made a swift exit with child in tow, outwardly mortified and cackling like a loon on the inside.

I’ll keep an eye on the Evening News for stories about grave desecrations.

[Miguel Sanchez]

21 hours ago, ICTChris said:

Almost created some beef in the nursery WhatsApp group the other day. One parent complained about their kid getting paint in his top, another chimes in saying that she would send her kid back in in paint covered clothes to make a point and had written to the nursery about claiming the cost of clothes damaged at nursery back.

These are three and four year olds. Their clothes are going to get covered in paint and mud and grass and their food and quite possibly their own faeces. Unbelievable. I was considering replying saying this but don’t want to beef with the kids my son smears paint on all day.

Shitebag.

[thistledo]

School and nursery WhatsApp groups sound a bit like serious work group chats, but just much worse, feels like it would be a bunch of Facebook mums but all in the one place. 

I think I'd just send a Wardy Joubert meme and get instantly removed. 

[beesher]

Anyone got any positive stories after trying for a long time? My Wife and I have been trying for 1.5 years and the endless cycle of disappointment is beginning to get a bit soul destroying.

Also there doesn't seem to be a lot of places online for men to discuss fertility issues hence why I'm resorting to PandB.

 

Ps: I've already tried rolling the windows down and turning the heating up full blast. 

[placidcasual]

Wife had our first child on Wednesday. Zoe, almost two weeks overdue and 9 lb so a big unit. She was due in to get induced the same day but started having little contractions on Monday night. By early hours of Wednesday morning baby was obviously in the post.

Both fine but the delivery was a bit traumatic. There wasn't much progress by about 1pm so decided an emergency section was the way forward. By the time they called me in to theatre in my scrubs, baby was coming out normally. She then turned around and had to be delivered by forceps. I half expected her to be flicking us all the middle finger when she was born.

Both fine now, and coming home today.

Off to big school after summer. Seems like a couple of months since she arrived. That's my wife's bogging hand before anyone starts [emoji23]

[Thorongil]

7 minutes ago, beesher said:

Anyone got any positive stories after trying for a long time? My Wife and I have been trying for 1.5 years and the endless cycle of disappointment is beginning to get a bit soul destroying.

Also there doesn't seem to be a lot of places online for men to discuss fertility issues hence why I'm resorting to PandB.

 

Ps: I've already tried rolling the windows down and turning the heating up full blast. 

Hey there. Take heart. 18 months honestly isn’t that long. 
 

after we got married my wife was freaking out when she wasn’t pregnant after a year. Started with GP, testing of us both etc but the doctors even then we’re like “this really isn’t very long and we aren’t concerned.” 

tests showed there was no issue with either of us and at about the 18th month we got lucky. 

2nd time around a few years later seemed to come much more easily.

 

[hk blues]

40 minutes ago, thistledo said:

School and nursery WhatsApp groups sound a bit like serious work group chats, but just much worse, feels like it would be a bunch of Facebook mums but all in the one place. 

I think I'd just send a Wardy Joubert meme and get instantly removed. 

Wood you though?

[Thorongil]

On 21/06/2021 at 21:38, ICTChris said:

Almost created some beef in the nursery WhatsApp group the other day. One parent complained about their kid getting paint in his top, another chimes in saying that she would send her kid back in in paint covered clothes to make a point and had written to the nursery about claiming the cost of clothes damaged at nursery back.

These are three and four year olds. Their clothes are going to get covered in paint and mud and grass and their food and quite possibly their own faeces. Unbelievable. I was considering replying saying this but don’t want to beef with the kids my son smears paint on all day.

Most other parents I find are decent but there are always a few complete arseholes. You did the right thing in not getting embroiled. There is no point.