heedthebaa Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I think they would have went ahead anyway. I just though it was a nice gesture.maybe not to everyone's liking then but that is life I suppose. Both my sons asked their father in laws permission, as you say it's a nice gesture. I suppose it depends on the in laws also, what type of family they are. Both my sons father in laws are good men and appreciated being asked 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 A nice gesture for who? The father-in-law? Yeah, probably, if he likes having his ego stroked. Treating the prospective bride like an autonomous human rather than her daddy's property would be my personal preference, though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Both my sons asked their father in laws permission, as you say it's a nice gesture. I suppose it depends on the in laws also, what type of family they are. Both my sons father in laws are good men and appreciated being asked A nice gesture for who? The father-in-law? Yeah, probably, if he likes having his ego stroked. Treating the prospective bride like an autonomous human rather than her daddy's property would be my personal preference, though. Perhaps the chap asked permission in a 'Oh and while you're in a good mood, would you mind paying for eveything' type of fashion. After all, it's he is joining the family and probably best to get off on the right foot. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heedthebaa Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 A nice gesture for who? The father-in-law? Yeah, probably, if he likes having his ego stroked. Treating the prospective bride like an autonomous human rather than her daddy's property would be my personal preference, though. I wouldn't expect a fucking tedious w****r like you to understand, now away and bait some other fucker wi your pish 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 My daughters boyfriend of 5 years asked me yesterday if he could propose marriage to her whilst on a romantic holiday with her next week. I thought that was a very noble and gallant gesture. I guess good manners are still in fashion in some places and I would be honoured to have him as part of my family. My husband asked my dad too, we'll be married 8 years this Tuesday. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H Wragg Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I wouldn't expect a fucking tedious w****r like you to understand, now away and bait some other fucker wi your pish He makes a perfectly sensible point. What's going to happen if the bride's father says no? They're going to get married anyway, that's what. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I wouldn't expect a fucking tedious w****r like you to understand, now away and bait some other fucker wi your pish Why do you treat it as bait if you think it's a good idea? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Perhaps the chap asked permission in a 'Oh and while you're in a good mood, would you mind paying for eveything' type of fashion. That would be a bit sneaky but understandable. After all, it's he is joining the family and probably best to get off on the right foot. Not sure if you're reading my posts before replying to them but I did say: "Yeah, we obviously have different opinions on it but if I had a daughter and someone asked permission I'd be pretty shocked, and not in a good way." and "A nice gesture for who? The father-in-law? Yeah, probably, if he likes having his ego stroked. Treating the prospective bride like an autonomous human rather than her daddy's property would be my personal preference, though." I'm obviously speaking hypothetically as I don't have kids, but I'd question the motives, guts, and regard for my daughter if a prospective husband asked me about marriage before asking her. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 He makes a perfectly sensible point. What's going to happen if the bride's father says no? They're going to get married anyway, that's what. Yeah, and then there's awkwardness. Or what if the guy asks permission, is refused, and then doesn't propose? What does that say about his desire to marry the woman in question? It's a completely needless can of worms in a day and age in which women are considered people and not property, in my opinion, and the fact that none of its proponents can find anything beyond "it's nice and polite" as a justification for it demonstrates this. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I see it more as showing that you respect the father of your future wife and his place at the head of the family. It's old fashioned, but I like the tradition. Whether you actually do respect or value his position, matters not a f**k. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Why is his place as 'head of the family' to be taken for granted? Does the woman's mother not get an opinion? I just can't get my head around this at all. It's 2012. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reynard Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Why is his place as 'head of the family' to be taken for granted? Does the woman's mother not get an opinion? I just can't get my head around this at all. It's 2012. Well, fight him for it then. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 That would be a bit sneaky but understandable. Not sure if you're reading my posts before replying to them but I did say: "Yeah, we obviously have different opinions on it but if I had a daughter and someone asked permission I'd be pretty shocked, and not in a good way." and "A nice gesture for who? The father-in-law? Yeah, probably, if he likes having his ego stroked. Treating the prospective bride like an autonomous human rather than her daddy's property would be my personal preference, though." I'm obviously speaking hypothetically as I don't have kids, but I'd question the motives, guts, and regard for my daughter if a prospective husband asked me about marriage before asking her. ^^^^^^Trust issues. I think it's better to be included 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Why is his place as 'head of the family' to be taken for granted? Does the woman's mother not get an opinion? I just can't get my head around this at all. It's 2012. The mother isn't traditionally seen as "head of the family". I did say it's old fashioned, I accept that. However, if others want to indulge in it, what does it matter? I've been married twice and both times, my husband has asked my Dad. He saw it as a sign of respect to him, and I appreciated it as that. In fact, Adam asked my Dad the first time they met - albeit after a fair bit of home made cider for west-country courage. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Well, fight him for it then. That's a bit Dicksonesque, is it not? ^^^^^^Trust issues. I think it's better to be included Well, no. I trusted my then-girlfriend, now-wife to make her own decision. If in doing so I displayed any respect or otherwise to her parents, it would be in thinking that they had raised a daughter capable of making such choices. But really, they didn't enter into the equation. I get along fine with them - very, very well, in fact - and my family gets along fine with them all as well. It's just... not their decision, is it? It's mine and my then-girlfriend's. If I've understood your posts correctly, you think it's better to be included if you're male. Unless you're talking about asking the mother instead. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 The mother isn't traditionally seen as "head of the family". I did say it's old fashioned, I accept that. However, if others want to indulge in it, what does it matter? I've been married twice and both times, my husband has asked my Dad. He saw it as a sign of respect to him, and I appreciated it as that. In fact, Adam asked my Dad the first time they met - albeit after a fair bit of home made cider for west-country courage. It matters to me inasmuch as, if it comes up in conversation, I'll explain why I think it's a bad idea, and is disrespectful to both the daughter and the mother. I'm not going to go door-to-door checking up on young couples, though, or try to get this enshrined in law. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Cuddy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 It matters to me inasmuch as, if it comes up in conversation, I'll explain why I think it's a bad idea, and is disrespectful to both the daughter and the mother. I'm not going to go door-to-door checking up on young couples, though, or try to get this enshrined in law. You just seem overly puzzled by something that's really quite harmless! I think it's rare these days that a guy would ask before asking his future wife. I'm sure it does still happen, but I think it's more likely that he would propose first and wait for her to say yes before making her Dad feel respected. Once that bit's out the way, the father of the bride is pretty much out of the picture until he gets to walk her down the aisle and giving her away. I mean, I'm sure she's capable of making her own way, so why bother doing that either? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reynard Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 I certainly asked my faither in law. He is a massively formal sort of person anyway and I know it would have hurt him if I hadn't. It wasn't a big deal at the time and its not a big deal in 2012 either. Not every family is the same but I think if you know or get to know them well enough you'll be able to judge what may or may not be expected of you in certain circumstances. I don't really have any relationship at all with my father in law. The only time I have ever been alone with him was at an evening with Fred Dibnah at Troon town Hall and it was fairly awkward all round. He has f**k all chat and he doesnt welcome pish talk in general so that was me fucked. I was able to chat about flanges, cams pistons and rivets no bother though thankfully. But never again. Well it would be impossible to repeat that evening anyway as Dibnah snuffed it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swampy Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 You just seem overly puzzled by something that's really quite harmless! I don't regard it as harmless, though. I think it maintains this ideal - admittedly in a pretty benign fashion - that women are property. An idea that held sway in the West well into the last century. It's still the default in much of the world. As I say, it's a fairly benign example of this, but one worth sweeping away nonetheless. I think it's rare these days that a guy would ask before asking his future wife. I'm sure it does still happen, but I think it's more likely that he would propose first and wait for her to say yes before making her Dad feel respected. Once that bit's out the way, the father of the bride is pretty much out of the picture until he gets to walk her down the aisle and giving her away. I mean, I'm sure she's capable of making her own way, so why bother doing that either? We didn't do it at our wedding, since you ask. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted August 23, 2012 Share Posted August 23, 2012 Being the target in the middle of a bukkake ring made up of the likes of dundeebarry, Ric, Ad-Lib, Supras, C Muir and The Phoenix doesn't really appeal to me either. Spray tell me how I got sucked into this? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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