el buitre Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Nothing much happening one day so i Told the mrs that kentucky fried chicken had to change their name to kfc cos they genetically modified the chickens to have an extra 2 legs instead of wings as they sell twice as many drumsticks. Cue a couple of months later when i asked "dyou fancy a kfc?" "Nooooo way, they genetically modify the chickens" i told her i had made it up as a laugh and she went mental and had me phone her sister who when told the words "KFC" said "no way, they modify chickens". Turns out she had told all her pals:huh: Sent from my GT-I9100 using Pie & Bovril mobile app 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mordecai Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 On Sunday my girlfriend was looking at the weather forecast on one of the apps on her phone. She said it was cloudy, then going to be sunny for the rest of the day with highs of 18 degrees and it was going to be snowing later on! Obviously this intrigued me and I thought there must be something wrong with the app, so I had a look. Sure enough, it was cloudy with sunny spells later and highs of 18 degrees. Whilst I was looking at it she went and told her parents that it was going to be snowing that night. So I let her finish what she was saying and pointed out that it was in fact stars on the forecast, not snow at 13 degrees, and it was to be a clear night. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomtown Boy Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 got another one, not so much what she said but what she did she is a very very fussy eater and when we were on holiday in Cuba there was never anything she would eat from the all inclusive buffet but one night came back and sat down beside me with a big plate of onion rings telling me how great it was too see something she could actually eat. Not thinking anything off this she ate maybe 2/3 and stopped to say they are no like onion rings back home, they are a wee bit more chewy!! Straight away the penny dropped with me so I said that they have different kind of onions over in Cuba and to eat up. After polishing off the plate feeling very content that she had just eaten a plate of onion rings I took her up to the buffet to see where she had got them from. BINGO!!! I said to her is this where you got your chewy onion rings from. aye she replied. A said well they onion rings you ate were actually squid rings and the massive picture of the squid next to them should have gave away the game. She went straight back to the room, spewed her ring and never spoke to me for about 2 days, fvck knows how I ended up with the blame 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
statts1976uk Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 A couple of years ago my wife's car needed a couple of new tyres so before I headed to the garage she asked me to phone ahead to make sure they had her cars alloys in stock as she thought they changed the alloy with the tyre! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 got another one, not so much what she said but what she did she is a very very fussy eater and when we were on holiday in Cuba there was never anything she would eat from the all inclusive buffet but one night came back and sat down beside me with a big plate of onion rings telling me how great it was too see something she could actually eat. Not thinking anything off this she ate maybe 2/3 and stopped to say they are no like onion rings back home, they are a wee bit more chewy!! Straight away the penny dropped with me so I said that they have different kind of onions over in Cuba and to eat up. After polishing off the plate feeling very content that she had just eaten a plate of onion rings I took her up to the buffet to see where she had got them from. BINGO!!! I said to her is this where you got your chewy onion rings from. aye she replied. A said well they onion rings you ate were actually squid rings and the massive picture of the squid next to them should have gave away the game. She went straight back to the room, spewed her ring and never spoke to me for about 2 days, fvck knows how I ended up with the blame You're married, it's always the husband's fault. I got the blame for not lifting her presciption on Saturday .Me: "You never reminded me when I was going out." Her: "You heard me on the phone yesterday when I ordered them." So I'm obviously supposed to eavesdrop on all her phone conversations and act on them accordingly. I'm the one who is supposed to remember all her hospital appointments. Why? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugar Army Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Mates burd had been working in Europe for some big bank and came home for Christmas. They all went and trying to show off out for Christmas dinner and she said she would order for everybody which she did. Then added, "And can we have another giraffe of wine please". I assume she must have meant the wine bottle with the extra long neck ;-) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DundeeFC92 Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Was speaking to the girlfriend today, she was asking me if I could remember the name of a film we went to see a couple of months back. Me: "Nah can't remember but that's gonna bug me for a while now" Her: "Hold on I think I might still have the cinema ticket in my purse" *Rummages around for a bit and digs out some old tickets* Her: "Was it called Row?" Me: "No I'm pretty sure it wasn't that" Her: "Well that's what it says here, come and see" I walked over to the sofa and she handed me the ticket which said something to the effect of: Perth Playhouse - Side Effects Screen 7 - Row n/a 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forehead7 Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 I have an awful habit of, when reading Cineworld tickets, to confuse the screen we're going to with the rating. Because the mate I go with is a bit forgetful, I keep the tickets and we've went to screen 15 a few times by mistake because of the way the Cineworld tickets look like. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 On a similar note, I get the fear when she asks to go to the cinema. She's a clever girl usually, but as soon as she watches a film she turns into an absolute swampy. Every 30 seconds it's a ridiculous question as she can't keep track of the simplest of plots. It's embarrassing for anyone sitting next to us. During the Social Network, after 5 mins when they're talking to lawyers about what happened she goes 'WTF, how did we get here?' He's not even made Facebook yet!' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GingerSaint Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 On a similar note, I get the fear when she asks to go to the cinema. She's a clever girl usually, but as soon as she watches a film she turns into an absolute Swampy. Every 30 seconds it's a ridiculous question as she can't keep track of the simplest of plots. It's embarrassing for anyone sitting next to us. During the Social Network, after 5 mins when they're talking to lawyers about what happened she goes 'WTF, how did we get here?' He's not even made Facebook yet!' I get the same but it's usually about something that hasn't happened yet. "Does he die?". I don't know, keep watching and you'll find out. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Every now and then my girlfriend will have a go at me if we're in the house watching a film and I'm playing with my phone checking football scores etc.. I normally find telling her that even though I'm not paying full attention I'm still grasping more of the plot than she is. Normally keeps her quiet for a bit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomtown Boy Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) I get the same but it's usually about something that hasn't happened yet. "Does he die?". I don't know, keep watching and you'll find out. LOL greenie for that yin. That is me and the Mrs, she must think that I go for a special preview of everything we watch (TV soaps included) and I am able to tell her everything that happens before it does. edit another point on same topic, whilst watching TV, everytime that a guy is alone with a burd "they are going to kiss" a could fvckin set ma watch by it Edited May 22, 2013 by Boomtown Boy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I get the same but it's usually about something that hasn't happened yet. "Does he die?". I don't know, keep watching and you'll find out. YES! THIS! I knew I forgot something. She always asks about something in the future of the movie, I must have said "I don't know, we'll need to watch to find out" about a million fucking times in the last year. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Missus: Is Paris in the UK?Me: No Paris is in France Missus: But France is in the UK isn't it? Me: Whit?! She also took English money with her when she got to France as she thought she could spend any type of currency over there like they do in Turkey. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Also, does anyone get this. I probably just have a mental burd, but if I so much as glance at my phone during a film she goes absolute fucking radge moaning that I can't focus on one thing for an hour and a half. Was just replying to a text hen! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I get the same but it's usually about something that hasn't happened yet. "Does he die?". I don't know, keep watching and you'll find out. Every time I watch a film she does this! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Also, does anyone get this. I probably just have a mental burd, but if I so much as glance at my phone during a film she goes absolute fucking radge moaning that I can't focus on one thing for an hour and a half. Was just replying to a text hen! No my girlfriend is the exact opposite, when we're watching a film she does nothing but stare at her phone yet still maintains she's watching the film. I ken women are better at multi-tasking but you cant constantly look at your phone whilst constantly looking at the telly! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Capsule Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 I went on a few dates with a girl who was a moron about three years ago. My favourite one was - Her - "There's a big painting of a lion on a wall near me. It's used to promote Tiger Tiger." Me - "They are using a painting of a lion to promote a club called Tiger Tiger?" Her - "Yeah." Me - "Are you sure it's not a painting of a tiger?" *long pause* Her - "Oh, f**k off." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 No my girlfriend is the exact opposite, when we're watching a film she does nothing but stare at her phone yet still maintains she's watching the film. I ken women are better at multi-tasking but you cant constantly look at your phone whilst constantly looking at the telly! Aye, I hate girls who do that. I'm quite lucky in some respects I suppose. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Family went out for dinner a couple of weeks ago for my sister-in-law's birthday. At the end of the meal we got the waitress to bring out the cake we'd supplied and did the candles etc. The birthday girls then started dishing out slices, struggled to work out how to make them even and told me that I'd need to take the corner of this particular circular cake to even things up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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