sugna Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 1 hour ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: The Angel asked: "So she is a perfect being?" The lord replied: "No. She has just one drawback She often forgets what she is worth." Still waiting for the fucking punchline. Maybe it comes in part 2. The Angel said, "Well fucking fix her then, you omnipotent dick." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTChris Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajwffc Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 3 hours ago, ICTChris said: in 1973 Iceland won the 2nd Cod War, major oil crisis in the Middle East, 2 large colliery disasters and Last of the Summer Wine started 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 Gammon AF. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 7 hours ago, ajwffc said: in 1973 Iceland won the 2nd Cod War, major oil crisis in the Middle East, 2 large colliery disasters and Last of the Summer Wine started It was also the year of my 1st birthday you heartless b*****d. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Minertaur Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Great idea. Can't see a single fault with it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 A grown man poked me earlier. On Facebook I hasten to add. WTF is the purpose of this function? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 4 hours ago, Dee Man said: A grown man poked me earlier. On Facebook I hasten to add. WTF is the purpose of this function? Grooming I'd imagine. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 8 hours ago, DA Baracus said: Grooming I'd imagine. Doesn't seem so bad now. I think I'll poke him back. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
accies1874 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Bully Wee Villa Posted October 30, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 30, 2018 A controversial stance. That'll annoy all the pro-stillbirth snowflakes. 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 14 hours ago, accies1874 said: Great shot, m8. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweeperDee Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 I don’t know if fellow P&B’rs are up with the trendy music kids listen to these days, but, if you are, have a look at this diabolical piece of shit: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 I feel sorry for call you non parents tonight, Facebook must be an even bigger chore than usual. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajwffc Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 everyone's favourite poet is back with two new shit poems Salute to Halloween It’s that time of year again that takes me back to the great times we used to have at Halloween. Dooking for apples, scones covered with treacle and dripping onto newspaper , monkey nuts, walnuts etc. We didn’t have a lot of money for all the fancy costumes but made the most of what was lying about the house to go guising. Guising! Those were the days when we never thought twice about knocking on doors or stranger danger. Why would we? We just about knew every one and they knew us and we didn’t go alone. Yes there was the odd grumpy one who would refuse but all in all it went well. We always had a party in the house The Halloween tradition for us which was well looked forward to. Entertaining by singing, telling jokes, dooking for apples , fork in mouth and missing over and over again until you ended up just dipping in head first to hurry it along and ending up with soaking wet hair. Getting covered in thick black treacle with the scones swinging around on the string. Aye those were the days. I was inspired to write this by way of a conversation. A doorstop seemed to be misplaced and momentarily related to as a ‘hing’ Which is translated to thing in English. From that, transpired phantom ‘hing’ collector going round and making things disappear. This was how this Halloween Howler was developed and written. Just in time for Halloween Spooky stuff, Enjoy. Halloween Howler (The phantom ‘hing’ collector) Hae ony ye’s heard O The phantom ‘hing’ collector Very mysterious A richt weird spectre. Collector O ‘hings’ That mysteriously go a missin’ There yin meenit Leaves folk wishin’ They could remember Whaur last they saw The mysterious ‘hing’ Bit not at awe. Nae sign whitsover Jist cannie disappear Bit the phantom ‘hing’ collector Is lurking very near. In the past it’s been kent as The creepy, scary ghost Back in the day When brave folk wid boast. But this phantom hing collector Is an entirely different breed Plays wi’ yer mind On heresay, it feeds. Keeps the horror goin’ At Halloween and more Disnie let ye ken Whits in store. Ah wish ah kent Where Hector has gone He’s jist disappeared Anxiety up, c’mon. Please tell me Phantom hing collector Whaur you’ve taken Oor wee Hector. Wan meenit It wis there The next it’s gone Ah cannie see where. An a wee bird tells me There’s nae sich thing As a stupit, crazy Phantom hing. We’ve jist misplaced it An we will find It in some far flung place Behind. The door, lyin’ low Lyin’ just in there Noo that is weird Cause I do swear. I see oor Hector Up against the door Flat along The kitchen floor. Och aye, there are some Strange things happenin’ Near Halloween And pencils are sharpenin’ Tae tell tall tales The best ye can Bit ah’m no daft No Desperate Dan. Ah didnie come doon In last shower It’s just a phenomenon That will soon blaw ower. Noo what’s that laughin’ Horrible sound It’s really so loud And so profound. It’s the Phantom Hing Collector The Halloween yin A ghastly spectre. Hae’in a laugh At oor expense This All Hallows’ nicht Aye thinks we’re awe dense. Bit ah’m no hangin aroon Fur tae be its next victim Or see its face this Halloween Naw ah’m no sae dim. Bit if ye see things disappear An canny quite explain it It’s only Halloween An jist a load o shi——. Cause as tall stories Come an’ go Phantom hing collectors Never appear mair than 3 in a row. So if ye see mair, awe at once An’ ye believe this richt tall tale Ye surely are the Halloween dunce An’ nuthin’ kin stoap ye gaun aff the rails. Believin’ awe ye hear is richt Means you’ve committed life’s greatest sin Awa ye go this Halloween Eve Ye’ve crossed the line, bin taken in. Jist wan mair thing, ahve gote tae say Ah widnie go up any dark alleys soon Cause if ye dae, you’re shair tae spy The phantom hing collector lookin’ doon. Beware beware Get way hame fast This All Hallows’ Eve Your fate’s bin cast. It’s awe jist yin big Halloween joke Jist wait until next year The Phantom hing collector Will no doot be comin’ back here. Tae scare the livin’ daylights oot O’ guisers dressed as spectres Ye ask me, hoo ah ken awe this Weel ah’m the phantom Hing Collector. Boooooooo!!!!!! Lorna Johnston. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Fair fucks for giving it a bash but that first one must be the worst poem I’ve read. It’s more like the ramblings of a drunk. The second one I didn’t read after she revealed her ‘muse’ and also explained to the reader what ‘hing’ meant. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bully Wee Villa Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 That's more like a novel than a poem. I'll be honest, I didn't bother reading it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torpar Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 On 10/31/2018 at 03:22, SweeperDee said: I don’t know if fellow P&B’rs are up with the trendy music kids listen to these days, but, if you are, have a look at this diabolical piece of shit: 1) Guns 2) Drugs 3) Drugs 4) Depression/alcohol/broken wine bottle Now get that in the bin! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 On 10/31/2018 at 07:22, SweeperDee said: I don’t know if fellow P&B’rs are up with the trendy music kids listen to these days, but, if you are, have a look at this diabolical piece of shit: They're not quite Amy Winehouse, Hendrix, Jim Morrison, 2Pac or Biggie. One of them did shag Ariana Grande though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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