pittsburgh phil Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Totally agree. Thankfully the trolling seems to have stopped a while back. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 We're not allowed to complain, for fear of being called weak, or poofs, or failures. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint john Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 1 hour ago, Tony Ferrino said: We're not allowed to complain, for fear of being called weak, or poofs, or failures. I've thought of myself to be both weak and a failure.I didn't need someone to call me out on these things. I knew within myself that they were true but the reality was quite different. I've come through all that shit and found myself in a much better place. The big issue for me now is to keep a lid on depression and not let it ruin my life. I feel that I can do this and would be happy to pass on my experiences to anyone who feels that it would be a benefit to them. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 Put this in spoilers as I don't want it searchable. After having a bad time of it in my last workplace a few years back I jumped into another job that initially turned out to be excellent. There was issues with training and a few colleagues that had been there for ages and didn't like new guys upsetting their ways. Nothing major really just normal. After a couple of years, outperforming others and getting excellent reviews I started noticing others being really two faced. Like asking you for help and advice to do their job and then the same day making me out to be a problem and that I was pestering them? One guy in particular was pretty bad so I told him that I he didn't want to be near me then do one and the helped stopped. Since then he has turned others and now the supervisor is at it constantly and I'm being labelled as a problem. I had all sorts of jibes and jokes about everything you can imagine which I can handle but the social isolation and failure to recognise my talents and the fact I've just about outperformed everyone in a target based environment despite this is just making it worse. I went up for an interview against someone who was told beforehand to apply for it by senior management and then I was lied to about the reasons why I didn't get it. Afterwards again the supervisor played us against each other and it took a while but we realised what was going on. I am finding it harder and harder to face it every week as despite putting in major efforts to welcome and help new starts or colleagues I get stabbed in the back as if I have a massive target on my back. You could call my all the names in the world or even assault me but I find the character assassination and unfairness unbearable. I've started to look for another job but I'm starting to wonder if it's me or that maybe most modern workplaces are just going to treat people this way? There is quite a bit of backstabbing and jealousy between others and the environment and the way it is run is leading to this behaviour. I spoke to quite a few people outside work and they all reckoned that I was taking it personally. Since the start it felt off and key members of staff were a bit off or behaved strangely. Only my effort of working so hard has kept me there. I do get some relief by doing my best and going home saying I couldn't have done any more but when you get abused or back stabbed you don't know where to turn and feel like nothing you do can fix it. The entire working day just seems weird, political, upside down and like a pantomime at times. I know the answer is to leave but I feel again that this is totally unjust and I'm being made a scapegoat for all the dysfunction and politics because I refus to play games or just mindlessly agree with BS. From reading stuff online it seems like it meets all the symptoms of a toxic workplace and to be honest over the last year or so despite working out nearly every day and eating healthily I've never been off work so much with bugs or back pain etc. I'm really sick and tired of playing the villain role in he show and just wanted to vent my feelings about it. I talk about it endlessly to my parents at times which is shit because one was getting treatment for cancer. I know the answer and and i know what to do about it but as said I don't know why this is happening. I've asked my boss discreetly and in confidence if there was anything wrong or if it was me and he denied it. I got excellent reviews etc. It's so weird. Sometimes people walk away or stop talking when I come over or make a big song and dance about getting away from me. I couldn't give a shit TBH just f**k off then but then they sit next to me later on as if nothing has happened. It really saddens me that seemingly decent people with families would turn like this at a flick of a switch like some schizo and even after I leave it will still haunt me for ages. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 I have been struggling with depression recently. A contributing factor in this is that my relationship ended about a month ago which was a sore one because I genuinely loved her, but she said that I made her feel unhappy. I have bouts of feeling really sad and hopeless which make me start crying. Thankfully most of these happen at home but there's been a couple of trips to the toilet in my work to pull myself together. Also I absolutely despise my job. It's an endless and thankless task, the hours are long plus the company I work for is an absolute joke. I have been tempted just to chuck it even though I don't have another job lined up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 DAFC, sounds like your work place is really clique-y and w**k, tbh. It sounds like the reasons I was keen to leave Fife (you might not be from there). Just all groups of who's who etc. f**k that shit, were grown ups. New job with new faces sounds best, where folk appreciate what you bring. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 Richey, genuinely know how you feel. As I say above, I left Fife. Stayed where I am as I met a bird, moved in etc and all was golden but then we split up. Now I'm away from everyone that means something and only staying as I'm in a job (which I can't really stick!). It's tough but I'm single about a year and it gets easier. Quite like being single now. Get to do as I please. Spent most today in shorts watching fitba/boxing. Get stuff to do during the midweek evenings (gym/fitba/running/anything) and it'll take your mind off things. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 13 hours ago, D.A.F.C said: Put this in spoilers as I don't want it searchable. Complaining that your outperforming your colleagues isn't being appreciated enough might not go down too well. Work isn't all about productivity, maybe you're taking it more seriously than your colleagues and they think you're trying to make them look bad. It's probably too late to bring people around in your present job, but maybe try not to be so competitive in your next one, or find one where you can work more independently. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pittsburgh phil Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 Also worth remembering that given time you'll get over the split up and there literally plenty of girls out there, so don't stress about that too much..don't stick around in a job you hate though 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Thanks for the replies to clear things up regarding competing. There were workers there for years having it easy and basically conning the supervisor who didn't know anything about the job. Seeing new blood arrive who were desperate to win a full time contract made them look bad. They reacted badly to it and went on the attack. I feel that as I'm quite reserved and very hard working they closed in on me. I spoke to the guy who took over from the old supervisor about it and he agreed. Add to that a lack of decent training and cliques. Also some colleagues just turning down doing my role and getting paid the same and then being extremely two faced and setting me up by asking me leading questions then running to the supervisor to twist it around. I pointed it out at a review and have been ostracised now by the new supervisor who I thought was on my side. Everything feels upside down and the lazy political workers are running the show whilst myself and a couple of others get pushed outside the group. It seems like such a mess that it can't be fixed. People doing different levels of work on the same or more pay for less skilled or stressful roles. People needing weeks and weeks of training then throwing in the towel and going back to their old easier role. But still acting sanctimonious and trying to put you down as if you're the problem. One worker was fine until I spent weeks training them in a role I got no training for. Afterwards they went proper snide mode and I found it bizarre TBH. Basically if you are bad at your job or politically movtivated you get on much better it seems. There are a handful of decent colleagues and I try to be friendly to them. As I said previously it seems like a pantomime at times and I'm being portrayed as a villain because I had the cheek to speak the truth and stand up for myself. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ginger Prince Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 Finding myself reading this thread more and more... Up & down like a fucking yoyo these days. Fucking hate weekends sometimes. I find reading this thread very therapeutic if I'm being honest. Helps me understand that I'm not the only one that has real struggles. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ginger Prince Posted October 2, 2016 Share Posted October 2, 2016 We're you not the guy who was slagging off myself about my child's development? And then you go on about you have real struggles. Nope, I questioned why your child still pees the bed if I recall at which point you got all defensive and took it as an attack on you and your children. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelmen Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 DAFC - i have worked in a place just like that. thankfully there were 3 of us who stuck together and watched each others backs. I've found people get scared and close ranks when something / someone new comes in. By the sounds of it you are good at what you do and seem to enjoy the work (could be way off though). So i am guessing leaving isn't an option you really want. Is there someone you like? get on with? they really helped me and got me through the working day. they then screwed me over on a promotion and i had enough and left. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 (edited) There are a few but it's hard to put trust in anyone, I've had my fingers burnt a few times. I took time out and went completely out of my way to help and train a colleague then had them drill me for opinions and thoughts. Next thing they are running straight across to them and twisting it all to paint me as some evil maniac who just says bad things out of the blue. If you can't compete then try to bring others down by other means I guess? I really can't understand that way of thinking as I've always been helpful and don't see training and encouraging others as competition, surely it means you get credit and a chance to move onto new things? The thing that annoys me the most is new colleagues acting weird all of a sudden despite me trying my best to be friendly etc, I've now just stopped and I'm concentrating on me and trying to find a solution at work or elsewhere. The stress and strain of it all combined with family members being unwell has set me back so I have to be selfish. One thing I thought was that if the roles were reversed they would make a meal of it and be straight to HR or the boss. Nobody should have to put up with it but the way I've handled it does give me a sense of purpose. It's very draining though, to have to play the part and be typecast as a baddy when you're not. thanks for the reply Edited October 4, 2016 by D.A.F.C 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelmen Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 sounds like you'd be doing yourself a huge favour by leaving, let it all out at your exit interview. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernJambo Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 World mental health day today apparently. Good to see an attempt to get folk talking and get rid of some of the stigma around mental health. Hope everyone is good [emoji106] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted October 11, 2016 Share Posted October 11, 2016 On 01/10/2016 at 18:51, D.A.F.C said: Thanks for the replies to clear things up regarding competing. Hide contents There were workers there for years having it easy and basically conning the supervisor who didn't know anything about the job. Seeing new blood arrive who were desperate to win a full time contract made them look bad. They reacted badly to it and went on the attack. I feel that as I'm quite reserved and very hard working they closed in on me. I spoke to the guy who took over from the old supervisor about it and he agreed. Add to that a lack of decent training and cliques. Also some colleagues just turning down doing my role and getting paid the same and then being extremely two faced and setting me up by asking me leading questions then running to the supervisor to twist it around. I pointed it out at a review and have been ostracised now by the new supervisor who I thought was on my side. Everything feels upside down and the lazy political workers are running the show whilst myself and a couple of others get pushed outside the group. It seems like such a mess that it can't be fixed. People doing different levels of work on the same or more pay for less skilled or stressful roles. People needing weeks and weeks of training then throwing in the towel and going back to their old easier role. But still acting sanctimonious and trying to put you down as if you're the problem. One worker was fine until I spent weeks training them in a role I got no training for. Afterwards they went proper snide mode and I found it bizarre TBH. Basically if you are bad at your job or politically movtivated you get on much better it seems. There are a handful of decent colleagues and I try to be friendly to them. As I said previously it seems like a pantomime at times and I'm being portrayed as a villain because I had the cheek to speak the truth and stand up for myself. I know this won't help you on the financial side, but have you tried doing some volunteer work in your spare time? Doing some volunteer work for a charity of some sort on the side (just a couple of hours when you can) might open you up to new fields of work, new friends and you will be highly appreciated for the time you've given. It might even take your mind off how shite your other workplace is or conversely, give you the push to go and get a job that will give you some more fulfilment. I assume you're working in sales? It's a high pressure environment where targets are king. I reckon you'll always be faced with these sorts of dilemma's as folk who have been there a while want to do the minimum amount of work they can to get by, where new folk will look to impress - this will always put someones nose out of joint. Are there any other areas of work that you fancy? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 I know this won't help you on the financial side, but have you tried doing some volunteer work in your spare time? Doing some volunteer work for a charity of some sort on the side (just a couple of hours when you can) might open you up to new fields of work, new friends and you will be highly appreciated for the time you've given. I started helping with the local Scout group when I was going through my depression, although I must admit that I probably wouldn't have during the worst phases as I struggled to do anything sociable. Helped massively in that it forced me to get out the door and meet new folk (starting a fresh) but more importantly it gave me some feeling of usefulness. Have to admit, and it may sound stupid, that at one point I was very close to the suicide route and suddenly thought "shite, Scouts tonight, maybe I should hold off a day for their sake". May sound disrespectful to family, friends etc, but at the time I felt that I was nothing but a burden to them, but Scouts actually needed me that night otherwise it would have been cancelled. Genuinely may have saved me. What disturbs me still is that I was evidently thinking about it in depth, not just acting out of irrational impluse. Feel bad tbh. Thing that kicked it off that day was geocaching (folk said to get outdoors, so seemed a good way to entertain yourself on your lonesome when everyone else was at work). Felt stupid and down having not found a few that folk on the website had said were easy finds, and some guy from an office told me to fcuk off after the cache owner had posted the coordinates very close to his office gate. Thought I was being very discrete, but never noticed the equally discrete overlooking window. That was tough to take after finally doing something recreational to keep out other people's way. That was the worst moment where I just 'knew' the whole world would be a better place without me. Sat at a bus stop (handy for the X7 going to the Stonehaven/Dunnottar cliffs) weighing up the options and eventually for the first time in ages, I had a positive answer to the question "who would care for more if I left the world today?". Well, 20 Scouts thinking they were off on a hike later that day. Buggers managed to make me a Scout leader which I'm still doing though. Fridays gone, fortune saved. More friends made through it etc etc. Wouldn't recommend geocaching when depressed though, as good an idea as it may sound at first. Scouts seem to like it though! Edit to correct the accidentally misplaced apostrophe. I don't want to upset DA Baracus. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
energyzone Posted October 12, 2016 Share Posted October 12, 2016 There are a few but it's hard to put trust in anyone, I've had my fingers burnt a few times. I took time out and went completely out of my way to help and train a colleague then had them drill me for opinions and thoughts. Next thing they are running straight across to them and twisting it all to paint me as some evil maniac who just says bad things out of the blue. If you can't compete then try to bring others down by other means I guess? I really can't understand that way of thinking as I've always been helpful and don't see training and encouraging others as competition, surely it means you get credit and a chance to move onto new things? The thing that annoys me the most is new colleagues acting weird all of a sudden despite me trying my best to be friendly etc, I've now just stopped and I'm concentrating on me and trying to find a solution at work or elsewhere. The stress and strain of it all combined with family members being unwell has set me back so I have to be selfish. One thing I thought was that if the roles were reversed they would make a meal of it and be straight to HR or the boss. Nobody should have to put up with it but the way I've handled it does give me a sense of purpose. It's very draining though, to have to play the part and be typecast as a baddy when you're not. thanks for the reply If the work is becoming unbearable because of your colleague's attitude towards you, do you have the facility to go above the supervisor's head and report it up the chain? You sound like you have some legitimate complaints about the quality of the work and professionalism of your colleagues so I would have thought the senior management in your company would appreciate knowing what exactly is going on, especially if it affects productivity/sales. You might get a bad reputation for doing so but it doesn't sound like it could get much worse for you anyway. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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