Depression

[Guest JTS98]

10 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Well I truly fucked up, Christmas Day on my own got to me and between about 3pm and 8am on Boxing Day tanked a liter and 3/4 of vodka (don’t even like vodka)

Was found face down and unconscious On thy floor on my bathroom, some interesting bruises, blood alcohol of 0.465% and 4 days in hospital with apparently encephalopathy and should probably be in a coma or dead.

Stupid, stupid c**t!

 

It's a daft thing to do, aye, but lots of us do it anyway. Good you're still here to tell us about it.

How's today?

[Stellaboz]

Sometimes you need to reach rock bottom before you start helping yourself out. Upward trajectory for you Raider!

[John Lambies Doos]

Well I truly fucked up, Christmas Day on my own got to me and between about 3pm and 8am on Boxing Day tanked a liter and 3/4 of vodka (don’t even like vodka)
Was found face down and unconscious On thy floor on my bathroom, some interesting bruises, blood alcohol of 0.465% and 4 days in hospital with apparently encephalopathy and should probably be in a coma or dead.
Stupid, stupid c**t!
 

How you doing today? Depression and anxiety is bad, always people to talk to.. remember that, chin up!

[Raidernation]

I am better. Doing some meditation and relaxation from an app Pacifica.
Amazingly none of my daughters have disowned me or hate me and just want to see me get well, which is real love and very humbling
I have been very lucky and I really don’t want to blow this now.
Thanks for all the good wishes guys and girls of P&B

[supermik]

4 hours ago, Raidernation said:

I am better. Doing some meditation and relaxation from an app Pacifica.
Amazingly none of my daughters have disowned me or hate me and just want to see me get well, which is real love and very humbling
I have been very lucky and I really don’t want to blow this now.
Thanks for all the good wishes guys and girls of P&B

Did your girls know that you were going to be on your own at Christmas?

[Dons_1988]

I am better. Doing some meditation and relaxation from an app Pacifica.
Amazingly none of my daughters have disowned me or hate me and just want to see me get well, which is real love and very humbling
I have been very lucky and I really don’t want to blow this now.
Thanks for all the good wishes guys and girls of P&B

Look after yourself min, glad you’re on the mend.

[BinoBalls]

This time of year definitely affects a vast (minority) of the population. There is so much expectation that you’re supposed to be happy. If you’re depressed then you pretty much can’t be happy, then you feel guilty and do the whole “what’s wrong with me” thing which is natural but also counter-productive. 

The dark nights, the forced social interactions with people / family you’d rather avoid, or being alone when you feel the rest of the world is happy, the anxiety-based hangovers, financial pressures, awful Christmas music that evokes memories of dreadful festive periods of yesteryear, and the guilt that you “should” be enjoying yourself all takes its toll.

So many people are the same over Xmas and New Year, hang in there and remember most people are having nowhere near the level of fun you imagine they’re having. And by next week you won’t need to listen to John Lennon’s “So this is Christmas” tripe for another 11 months. 

[DA Baracus]

27 minutes ago, BinoBalls said:

This time of year definitely affects a vast (minority) of the population. There is so much expectation that you’re supposed to be happy. If you’re depressed then you pretty much can’t be happy, then you feel guilty and do the whole “what’s wrong with me” thing which is natural but also counter-productive. 

The dark nights, the forced social interactions with people / family you’d rather avoid, or being alone when you feel the rest of the world is happy, the anxiety-based hangovers, financial pressures, awful Christmas music that evokes memories of dreadful festive periods of yesteryear, and the guilt that you “should” be enjoying yourself all takes its toll.

So many people are the same over Xmas and New Year, hang in there and remember most people are having nowhere near the level of fun you imagine they’re having. And by next week you won’t need to listen to John Lennon’s “So this is Christmas” tripe for another 11 months. 

I totally get this. I get so anxious and down, with today being pretty horrible. I just feel so shit that I'm so utterly alone in the world and tonight really focuses that. I'm sitting by myself and will be by myself until I go back to work, with my only interactions with other people being if I go in to a shop. I see folk having fun with friends and just feel so miserable and can't stop thinking about how terribly I've messed everything up to be in this position. Even just to be having a couple of beers with a friend would be good but I simply no longer have that many friends, and none who live up here anyway.

Even worse is that I did have something set up but had to cancel due to my own failings. I was really looking forward to it and it would have been a good laugh. I feel like I've let folk down because I had to cancel and I'm worried that folk might just drift away from me, like so many others have done so before. I've lost so many friends and fear I'll keep losing them until I've none left.

It also really makes my mind focus on my total lack of having a girlfriend. That's 8 years now since my last serious one. 8 fucking years. I feel like time is really running out and sometimes feel total panic. I know I'll never meet someone sitting in alone all the time but I don't have anyone to go out with anyway, and I must come across as creepy when I do have a beer in the town by myself so have no chance anyway.

Loneliness is a killer and it's nearly got me before. This night is really tough. Being alone can often be good, but being alone every single day is not.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Hoping for better things next year.

[Dons_1988]

I totally get this. I get so anxious and down, with today being pretty horrible. I just feel so shit that I'm so utterly alone in the world and tonight really focuses that. I'm sitting by myself and will be by myself until I go back to work, with my only interactions with other people being if I go in to a shop. I see folk having fun with friends and just feel so miserable and can't stop thinking about how terribly I've messed everything up to be in this position. Even just to be having a couple of beers with a friend would be good but I simply no longer have that many friends, and none who live up here anyway.
Even worse is that I did have something set up but had to cancel due to my own failings. I was really looking forward to it and it would have been a good laugh. I feel like I've let folk down because I had to cancel and I'm worried that folk might just drift away from me, like so many others have done so before. I've lost so many friends and fear I'll keep losing them until I've none left.
It also really makes my mind focus on my total lack of having a girlfriend. That's 8 years now since my last serious one. 8 fucking years. I feel like time is really running out and sometimes feel total panic. I know I'll never meet someone sitting in alone all the time but I don't have anyone to go out with anyway, and I must come across as creepy when I do have a beer in the town by myself so have no chance anyway.
Loneliness is a killer and it's nearly got me before. This night is really tough. Being alone can often be good, but being alone every single day is not.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. Hoping for better things next year.

Hang in there mate.

I’ve felt and still occasionally feel all the things you’ve said, it’s never too late for things to pick up.

You will come out the other side.

[Jacksgranda]

10 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

 

It also really makes my mind focus on my total lack of having a girlfriend. That's 8 years now since my last serious one. 8 fucking years. I feel like time is really running out and sometimes feel total panic. I know I'll never meet someone sitting in alone all the time but I don't have anyone to go out with anyway, and I must come across as creepy when I do have a beer in the town by myself so have no chance anyway.

Loneliness is a killer and it's nearly got me before. This night is really tough. Being alone can often be good, but being alone every single day is not.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Hoping for better things next year.

I was 40 when I met my wife (although you'd think I might have learned some sense by that age). Never say never.

[AL-FFC]

10 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

I totally get this. I get so anxious and down, with today being pretty horrible. I just feel so shit that I'm so utterly alone in the world and tonight really focuses that. I'm sitting by myself and will be by myself until I go back to work, with my only interactions with other people being if I go in to a shop. I see folk having fun with friends and just feel so miserable and can't stop thinking about how terribly I've messed everything up to be in this position. Even just to be having a couple of beers with a friend would be good but I simply no longer have that many friends, and none who live up here anyway.

Even worse is that I did have something set up but had to cancel due to my own failings. I was really looking forward to it and it would have been a good laugh. I feel like I've let folk down because I had to cancel and I'm worried that folk might just drift away from me, like so many others have done so before. I've lost so many friends and fear I'll keep losing them until I've none left.

It also really makes my mind focus on my total lack of having a girlfriend. That's 8 years now since my last serious one. 8 fucking years. I feel like time is really running out and sometimes feel total panic. I know I'll never meet someone sitting in alone all the time but I don't have anyone to go out with anyway, and I must come across as creepy when I do have a beer in the town by myself so have no chance anyway.

Loneliness is a killer and it's nearly got me before. This night is really tough. Being alone can often be good, but being alone every single day is not.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Hoping for better things next year.

Can relate to that one, i had a bad couple of days after Christmas, boxing day being the worst and questioning my own existence same time realising if i was to do anything stupid its a cry for attention , but past couple of days i have been ok and feeling a lot better.  Still feel alone with things but lot of friends have moved on and refuse to be the sad loner at the bar tonight so quiet in. kind of looking forward to just getting back to work.

[BinoBalls]

10 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

I totally get this. I get so anxious and down, with today being pretty horrible. I just feel so shit that I'm so utterly alone in the world and tonight really focuses that. I'm sitting by myself and will be by myself until I go back to work, with my only interactions with other people being if I go in to a shop. I see folk having fun with friends and just feel so miserable and can't stop thinking about how terribly I've messed everything up to be in this position. Even just to be having a couple of beers with a friend would be good but I simply no longer have that many friends, and none who live up here anyway.

Even worse is that I did have something set up but had to cancel due to my own failings. I was really looking forward to it and it would have been a good laugh. I feel like I've let folk down because I had to cancel and I'm worried that folk might just drift away from me, like so many others have done so before. I've lost so many friends and fear I'll keep losing them until I've none left.

It also really makes my mind focus on my total lack of having a girlfriend. That's 8 years now since my last serious one. 8 fucking years. I feel like time is really running out and sometimes feel total panic. I know I'll never meet someone sitting in alone all the time but I don't have anyone to go out with anyway, and I must come across as creepy when I do have a beer in the town by myself so have no chance anyway.

Loneliness is a killer and it's nearly got me before. This night is really tough. Being alone can often be good, but being alone every single day is not.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Hoping for better things next year.

“Due to my own failings” - I have little doubt you’re being too hard on yourself with that. Try not to blame yourself in your own mind over and over for stuff. If a friend had typed what you just did, you’d give them much, much less of a hard time than you give yourself. Us depressed people are world class at finding fault in themselves for things they’d forgive others for. 

Regading the dating thing — the Internet is the way forward in order to meet people. It’s mainstream and beats going to the pub hoping to bump into someone unless you’re in a wide social circle full of fresh single fillies.

But while I understand the need to find a partner, remember that so, so many people out there are unhappy in their relationship / marriage and cannot get out (perhaps for financial reasons). I’m saying that to emphasise the rest of the world isn’t having the fun you probably imagine they are.  Concentrate on making yourself happy as much as possible, AS WELL as trying to find someone to share the rest of your life with. 

(PS I’m totally unqualified to be giving advice but hopefully it helps)

[Daydream]

Unbelievably, me and the mrs have clicked recently and I’m having my best Hogmanay for 20 years. I’m still aff the bevvy come tomorrow for the indefinite future. Hang in there everyone as things can and do come good, at least from time to time.

Best wishes to everyone for 2019.

PS - the best time to quit drinking was 10 years ago. The second best time is now (or tomorrow).

[Guest JTS98]

6 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

I totally get this. I get so anxious and down, with today being pretty horrible. I just feel so shit that I'm so utterly alone in the world and tonight really focuses that. I'm sitting by myself and will be by myself until I go back to work, with my only interactions with other people being if I go in to a shop. I see folk having fun with friends and just feel so miserable and can't stop thinking about how terribly I've messed everything up to be in this position. Even just to be having a couple of beers with a friend would be good but I simply no longer have that many friends, and none who live up here anyway.

Even worse is that I did have something set up but had to cancel due to my own failings. I was really looking forward to it and it would have been a good laugh. I feel like I've let folk down because I had to cancel and I'm worried that folk might just drift away from me, like so many others have done so before. I've lost so many friends and fear I'll keep losing them until I've none left.

It also really makes my mind focus on my total lack of having a girlfriend. That's 8 years now since my last serious one. 8 fucking years. I feel like time is really running out and sometimes feel total panic. I know I'll never meet someone sitting in alone all the time but I don't have anyone to go out with anyway, and I must come across as creepy when I do have a beer in the town by myself so have no chance anyway.

Loneliness is a killer and it's nearly got me before. This night is really tough. Being alone can often be good, but being alone every single day is not.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Hoping for better things next year.

Absolutely. It's important to remember that some things about life just are the way they are and it doesn't mean you're some kind of failure.

Almost all of my mates here (I use the term loosely, I have few, if any, genuine friends here) went home or somewhere else for Christmas/NY, but I stayed here. Last night I was sitting in the flat myself till about 11.30pm when I finally decided I'd go along to the pub more or less next door with these two people from work that I don't know  particularly well. I'm glad I did, it was ok in the end and even just the act of getting out and chatting to people made me feel better. I suppose my point is that last night I'd have been one of these people that you see out with their friends and you'd have assumed I was having a great time and really happy. In reality, it was my only option and I didn't really enjoy it as much as an onlooker would have thought. I think a lot of people are like that.

Friends can (and do) drift for all types of reasons and, as someone who has lived in various different places, I know the difficulties of living in a town (or a country) where you don't know anyone. It's fucking tough. That said, you can take a bit of responsibility with the ones you've got. I've gone out of my way this week to get in touch with as many people as I can from around the world. It's amazing how many people get back to you and are pleased to hear from you. Give it a bash. As much as you blame yourself for the drift (like me), you'll be surprised how many of your mates blame themselves more than you. Pick a person every week and fire them a text or an email.

I'd concentrate on finding one social thing to do each week before you bother about getting a burd. When I moved here I did things the wrong way round and got a girlfriend before I had any kind of social life. The problem with that is that your social life then revolves around her and you become 'her boyfriend' rather than a person in your own right. That's pretty tough and puts strain on a relationship.

Also, if you have even one social thing that you do, then you have something to talk about to any potential Miss DA Baracus.

It could be anything. Fives? Badminton? A book group? Anything at all. Even one thing a week gives your week some shape, gets you out the house, and as obvious as it sounds, pals breed pals. You meet people and then you meet their pals etc. What kind of thing do you fancy?

Edited January 1, 2019 by JTS98

[capybara]

I struggled last night. I was really down. Went to bed at 10 pm. Feeling a bit better today and I gave friends coming round at 2pm so hopefully I will be fit for them. I really miss my dad at this time of year.

[bobbykdy]

4 hours ago, capybara said:

I struggled last night. I was really down. Went to bed at 10 pm. Feeling a bit better today and I gave friends coming round at 2pm so hopefully I will be fit for them. I really miss my dad at this time of year.

Keep you head up fella, I imagine he wouldn't want you sitting miserable without him. Spare him some time in your thoughts of course then get up and on with finding enjoyment in life if you can.

[10menwent2mow]

Having read this thread I'm not entirely sure if it's depression I'm suffering from or a dependence on alcohol or what. Certainly go through pretty severe spells of self loathing and it's usually to do with drinking too much. I'm becoming more and more of a loner and prefer my own company rather than having to deal with people. At the age of 34, and with two university degrees, I find myself working in a bar. Applied to do a teaching course last year and was rejected which was a giant setback, considering how much we always hear how desperate the country is for teachers. To be honest, in my current state I'm not sure I could cope with the demands of teaching anyway. Biggest regret was not settling in New Zealand when I travelled there in 2011, that was the original plan but was changed for my girlfriend at the time, who binned me about 3 months before I left, by that time flights had been changed and I couldn't afford to change them back. I encouraged the same girlfriend to deal with the mental health issues she was facing but I don't have the bravery to do something about my own. Anyway. Rant over, took a lot to just write this post.

[Guest JTS98]

40 minutes ago, 10menwent2mow said:

Having read this thread I'm not entirely sure if it's depression I'm suffering from or a dependence on alcohol or what. Certainly go through pretty severe spells of self loathing and it's usually to do with drinking too much. I'm becoming more and more of a loner and prefer my own company rather than having to deal with people. At the age of 34, and with two university degrees, I find myself working in a bar. Applied to do a teaching course last year and was rejected which was a giant setback, considering how much we always hear how desperate the country is for teachers. To be honest, in my current state I'm not sure I could cope with the demands of teaching anyway. Biggest regret was not settling in New Zealand when I travelled there in 2011, that was the original plan but was changed for my girlfriend at the time, who binned me about 3 months before I left, by that time flights had been changed and I couldn't afford to change them back. I encouraged the same girlfriend to deal with the mental health issues she was facing but I don't have the bravery to do something about my own. Anyway. Rant over, took a lot to just write this post.

It can be pretty hard to tell the two apart sometimes. They go hand in hand for sure.

What are your degrees in and what kind of thing would you like to do?

[10menwent2mow]

It can be pretty hard to tell the two apart sometimes. They go hand in hand for sure.
What are your degrees in and what kind of thing would you like to do?

Journalism and Politics and International Relations. I went back to Uni to do the Politics course with a view to doing secondary teaching. Journalism was a major error, went straight from school to do it and its one of my gripes about the education system that we are asking kids at the ages of 15,16,17 what they want to do with their lives. I get what you are saying about them going hand in hand, I certainly wouldn't have the bouts of self loathing without alcohol, I'm actually a pretty happy go lucky person without a drink.

[Guest JTS98]

4 minutes ago, 10menwent2mow said:

22 minutes ago, JTS98 said:

It can be pretty hard to tell the two apart sometimes. They go hand in hand for sure.
What are your degrees in and what kind of thing would you like to do?

Journalism and Politics and International Relations. I went back to Uni to do the Politics course with a view to doing secondary teaching. Journalism was a major error, went straight from school to do it and(1) its one of my gripes about the education system that we are asking kids at the ages of 15,16,17 what they want to do with their lives. I get what you are saying about them going hand in hand, I certainly wouldn't have the bouts of self loathing without alcohol, (2)I'm actually a pretty happy go lucky person without a drink.

I agree entirely on point 1. I took a year out before uni, but still went there as basically an immature wee boy. I applied for my course (also politics) when I was 16. Looking back, it wasn't a great choice. But it's done now. Occasionally I dwell on that as a bad choice, but there's not a lot I can do about it now. I do feel like I wasted a big opportunity with uni though.

On point 2, there's part of your answer then. Same as me. It sounds really obvious, but recently I've noticed a massive difference on days when I've been 2 or 3 days without bevvy. It doesn't solve everything, but it's a big help.