Depression

[RH33]

Just came in here to post Link to minds list of crisis numbers.

Feel free pm me and I’m sure other active posters on this thread would be happy listen too as previously stated.

nhs 111 also have an out hours CPN service and if you don’t answer their call back they’ll send police round to do a welfare check.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/#.XgKISiSnyEc

Edited December 24, 2019 by RH33

[heedthebaa]

Merry Christmas to you all

[Daydream]

A wee message to everyone who’s not feeling the best this festive period; it’s absolutely alright to NOT feel cheerful, and it’s absolutely alright to not pretend you’re having a good time. If you’re needing a chat, or an ear to listen, drop me a message; I know it can get pretty lonely when everyone around you is acting like it’s the best time ever and you’re not feeling 100%. With that being said, I hope you all have a good Christmas, whatever you’re doing, and whoever you’re spending it with (even if it’s just yourself, who wants to be around annoying family members anyway?). Much love [emoji173]️

As a corollary to this if alcohol or substance abuse is a danger at this time of year friends and family can be great company. Loved ones generally.

If anyone is truly alone this Christmas I wish you a quick resolution and just know that things can turn around quick.

[Dons_1988]

Merry Xmas you miserable p***ks [emoji6]

Nah seriously, all the best to everyone.

 

[pub car king]

Just a quick shoutout to those of you who are alone today even when you are in a house full of people.

 

[Shotgun]

It took me over 10 minutes of staring into space before I could put my second sock on today. This isn't a promising start.

[NJ2]

It took me over 10 minutes of staring into space before I could put my second sock on today. This isn't a promising start.

That’s okay mate. Not every day is going to be sunshine and rainbows unfortunately, you managed to get that second sock on and you’re off and running. Get through today and you’ve got through another maybe shitty day...same as all the other shitty days we have, we get through them, f**k knows how and I sometimes wonder why but we do and then we’ll get a good day soon enough - being a Hearts fan that good day might be sometime in 2026 for me though!

[Stellaboz]

At least you'll be sampling our steak bridies next season!

[Dosser-fae-the-shire]

Having a bad day today. Don’t want to bother my family. Just a complete mess.

[NJ2]

Having a bad day today. Don’t want to bother my family. Just a complete mess.

Sorry to hear mate. Feel free to PM if you want to speak about it to someone. Failing that, stick in and you’ll get through it

[Shotgun]

Well, I have a tale to share. It's a little bit cheesy, so bear with me. Or skip past...I'm writing this out more for myself than anything else.

Part 1:
Yesterday turned out to be a bad one. Really bad. As in, tears, rocking back and forth, Mrs Shotgun making emergency phone calls to my family in Britain, the works. For the first time in my life I found myself actively considering ending it all. I've never been that low and I'm grateful to have made it through. We talked about me handing in my notice at work (which would bring a host of other problems but might be best for my mental health) and of maybe checking me into a health centre for some in-depth counselling. I slept well though and woke up to a beautiful, sunny, crisp, fresh snow winter's day - the kind that reminds me why I love living in Colorado. I'm about to go for a long walk with the dug and am feeling much, much more optimistic about well, everything.

Part 2: (Here's where it gets cheesy)
I've never been big on the idea of dreams having significant meaning. I don't like talking about my dreams, I don't like hearing about other people's dreams, I hate dream sequences in books, films and television shows. Dreams aren't my thing, OK? But...

I was playing on a baseball team but being British, didn't really know what to do. The other players were bullying me like I'm in fucking primary school all over again and I'd resolved to tell them what they could do with their stupid game. Then later, someone was on the phone with Andre Previn, the French orchestra conductor, who also played on the baseball team. (If you aren't sure who Andre Previn was, do a YouTube search for his appearance on the Morecambe and Wise show. Why him? Well, I'm not sure but my boss is French and while he's a great guy, who I like very much, I'm having so many problems at work that I've come to associate his accent with negativity and trouble. Coincidence? Yeah, probably not.) 

So here in my dream, I have Mr Previn on speaker phone, yelling at me "Don't quit Shotgun, don't quit. Don't let the b*****ds make you quit!" in my boss's voice.

Don't quit my job, or don't quit life? For the moment, I'm choosing to believe he meant the latter.

So...I'm off for a walk. See you later.
 

[AL-FFC]

1 hour ago, Dosser-fae-the-shire said:

Having a bad day today. Don’t want to bother my family. Just a complete mess.

Makes 2 of us woke up this morning and first thing i done was break into tears managed to stop the water works at about 2 ish but just lay on my couch feeling sorry for myself. 

 

[NJ2]

Well, I have a tale to share. It's a little bit cheesy, so bear with me. Or skip past...I'm writing this out more for myself than anything else.
Part 1:
Yesterday turned out to be a bad one. Really bad. As in, tears, rocking back and forth, Mrs Shotgun making emergency phone calls to my family in Britain, the works. For the first time in my life I found myself actively considering ending it all. I've never been that low and I'm grateful to have made it through. We talked about me handing in my notice at work (which would bring a host of other problems but might be best for my mental health) and of maybe checking me into a health centre for some in-depth counselling. I slept well though and woke up to a beautiful, sunny, crisp, fresh snow winter's day - the kind that reminds me why I love living in Colorado. I'm about to go for a long walk with the dug and am feeling much, much more optimistic about well, everything.
Part 2: (Here's where it gets cheesy)
I've never been big on the idea of dreams having significant meaning. I don't like talking about my dreams, I don't like hearing about other people's dreams, I hate dream sequences in books, films and television shows. Dreams aren't my thing, OK? But...
I was playing on a baseball team but being British, didn't really know what to do. The other players were bullying me like I'm in fucking primary school all over again and I'd resolved to tell them what they could do with their stupid game. Then later, someone was on the phone with Andre Previn, the French orchestra conductor, who also played on the baseball team. (If you aren't sure who Andre Previn was, do a YouTube search for his appearance on the Morecambe and Wise show. Why him? Well, I'm not sure but my boss is French and while he's a great guy, who I like very much, I'm having so many problems at work that I've come to associate his accent with negativity and trouble. Coincidence? Yeah, probably not.) 
So here in my dream, I have Mr Previn on speaker phone, yelling at me "Don't quit Shotgun, don't quit. Don't let the b*****ds make you quit!" in my boss's voice.
Don't quit my job, or don't quit life? For the moment, I'm choosing to believe he meant the latter.
So...I'm off for a walk. See you later.
 

No idea who ‘Dre Previn is but he kens his stuff.

Makes 2 of us woke up this morning and first thing i done was break into tears managed to stop the water works at about 2 ish but just lay on my couch feeling sorry for myself. 
 

Nothing wrong with just lying on the couch all day mate. Maybe not the most productive but taking that bit of time to ourselves is just as important as anything. You always have tomorrow to be be more productive, don’t fret. Onwards and upwards [emoji4]

[Shandon Par]

Has anyone else brought general grief and chaos to their life due to episodes of jealousy? I’d forgotten I’d had a problem with it as the last couple of years I’d been focussed on sorting a couple of different addiction issues. 
 

One plus is that it’s a good motivator. I’ve been running, gym, boxing etc and not eating too much. It’s such a toxic problem though so stayed up most of last night reading up on how to beat it and have emailed a counsellor to talk about it too. 

[D.A.F.C]

Has anyone else brought general grief and chaos to their life due to episodes of jealousy? I’d forgotten I’d had a problem with it as the last couple of years I’d been focussed on sorting a couple of different addiction issues. 
 
One plus is that it’s a good motivator. I’ve been running, gym, boxing etc and not eating too much. It’s such a toxic problem though so stayed up most of last night reading up on how to beat it and have emailed a counsellor to talk about it too. 

Been pretty much by myself for years due to disconnecting from toxic friends. I find myself looking at people who I know and think wtf do they have that I dont. People who are horrible to others and have zero depth to their character. Get really jealous of people but recently, last six months or so tried to look at myself and try to stop this mentality. Have also realised that social media creates a false representation of people and we are all fucked up and really the perfect life they present maybe isn't so perfect. I just try to be the best version of myself now and to stop being so angry or upset which I think attracts the wrong attention and leads to more nastiness from others.
I agree with you about using the suffering or pain as fuel for motivation. The david goggins book is helping and I've also bought the book you recommended.
For me I'm saying to myself that people who were messed up projected their problems onto me and turned me into an angry and depressed person. I needed to rise above it but turned away thinking that all of society was like this hence the bullying at work and woe is me mentality.
Need to change completely in the next few months and going forward.

Got a bit ranty there but I know exactly how you feel. I guess dont put people on a pedestal.

[Shandon Par]

7 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Been pretty much by myself for years due to disconnecting from toxic friends. I find myself looking at people who I know and think wtf do they have that I dont. People who are horrible to others and have zero depth to their character. Get really jealous of people but recently, last six months or so tried to look at myself and try to stop this mentality. Have also realised that social media creates a false representation of people and we are all fucked up and really the perfect life they present maybe isn't so perfect. I just try to be the best version of myself now and to stop being so angry or upset which I think attracts the wrong attention and leads to more nastiness from others.
I agree with you about using the suffering or pain as fuel for motivation. The david goggins book is helping and I've also bought the book you recommended.
For me I'm saying to myself that people who were messed up projected their problems onto me and turned me into an angry and depressed person. I needed to rise above it but turned away thinking that all of society was like this hence the bullying at work and woe is me mentality.
Need to change completely in the next few months and going forward.

Got a bit ranty there but I know exactly how you feel. I guess dont put people on a pedestal.

Thanks. Good luck for this year. There are four addictions I quit about 18 months back so pretty confident I can tackle this. I grew up like an only child so sometimes when new folk come into our circle I can get some mad ideas and a raging strop. What you say sounds good advice on it and very much in line with what I’ve read so far.

[FalkirkBairn93]

Been struggling a bit recently, lack of sleep due to nightmares. Sadly a downside to PTSD, always very vivid recollections of incidents I’ve responded too in the prison I.e. suicide attempts, serious assaults and GBH, assaults on myself. It takes its toll and just taking each day as it comes. One thing that helps when I’ve had a shit sleep is hearing “daddy I waked up” from my 3 year old girl. She’s the reason I left the service as I didn’t want to carry home that stress, sadly I still am and have come to terms that whilst I no longer work there that it still took a part of me. Stupidly part of me wants to go back when I graduate but I know this would not be productive. Christ, through all the stress I miss it. But guess that’s institutionalisation for you, not just prisoners that get it...

 

 

ETA: I think what’s not helping is it is coming up to the three year anniversary of my grandpas death, he died prematurely at 68, we were very close and he was also the reason I joined the service.

[Dons_1988]

Been struggling a bit recently, lack of sleep due to nightmares. Sadly a downside to PTSD, always very vivid recollections of incidents I’ve responded too in the prison I.e. suicide attempts, serious assaults and GBH, assaults on myself. It takes its toll and just taking each day as it comes. One thing that helps when I’ve had a shit sleep is hearing “daddy I waked up” from my 3 year old girl. She’s the reason I left the service as I didn’t want to carry home that stress, sadly I still am and have come to terms that whilst I no longer work there that it still took a part of me. Stupidly part of me wants to go back when I graduate but I know this would not be productive. Christ, through all the stress I miss it. But guess that’s institutionalisation for you, not just prisoners that get it...
 
 
ETA: I think what’s not helping is it is coming up to the three year anniversary of my grandpas death, he died prematurely at 68, we were very close and he was also the reason I joined the service.

Apologies if you’ve been asked before, but are you getting treated for this?

[RH33]

I’ve had ptsd added to my list of fun. It’s awful, nightmares vivid. I already had a long established therapist which helped. I’m having fewer incidents of it, I’m three years on from what happened.

Is there not post employment support through prison service?

[FalkirkBairn93]

Apologies if you’ve been asked before, but are you getting treated for this?

I’m waiting for my referral to be processed as we speak, not heard anything back yet. I had just been going along with no treatment which was never a wise thing to do in hindsight. I expect the appointment letter to be through in the first couple of weeks of January.