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Cheers, lads. The major problem is that during the days I find that I'm usually fairly positive or at the very least closed off whereas once it hits the evening or nights I'm usually more open or aware of what I'm feeling. I'll have a look into it though and maybe just take notes or something.

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If this thread is still getting used in the right way just wanted to say a few things.

Firstly for what's its worth putting what I've felt over the last few years into text and reading it back and seeing others replying with helpful advice has been really cathartic. Yes this is a football forum but I genuinely feel that it has helped people. You'll always get one or two idiots looking for attention. I hope it hasn't turned people away.

Anyway through putting stuff into context and trying to move on I feel a whole lot better and have started to realise that not living my life to the fullest because of several idiots who were probably just intimidated or jealous and acted this out on me is extremely foolish and crazy.

At no point have I ever felt like I was going crazy, but through the way I've studied human behaviour online I can now spot an arsehole or narcissist a mile away. When I was younger I used to always trust people who I thought were friends and now realise that you should always be guarded about personal stuff until you are sure about someone.

Until you realise that people only attack others because they are broken people themselves you are stuck in a dark place.

I just wish I could have known this years ago and not taken things personally, it certainly felt personal but now I actually feel sorry for people who act in this way and for the people around them who are too scared to call out their behaviour.

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Id say as well with all the arguing back and forward on what constitutes a valid post in this forum regardless what it is may be stopping people from speaking out and sharing. The thread is meant to be here as a means of support and reassurance that people who are having difficult times can see that others also have problems]

We can argue all day about what does and does not meet the "guidelines" for being depressed but providing they aren't just here to fish then they should feel comfortable to post

Very much this. Whatever peoples opinions of other posters are, this definitely isnt the place to question them or, worse, belittle them. That kind of thing wont be tolerated and anyone should report anything they think crosses the line.

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Not posted on here for a bit but I'm feeling shitey again.

Wasn't planning to go out tonight but tried to set something up impromptu when my early class tomorrow got cancelled.

Got a mate on board and then everyone else bailed and left me in the flat on my own.

I know it sounds like no biggie but I'm really bad for feeling unwanted and hate my own company.

Just needed a place to vent.

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Not posted on here for a bit but I'm feeling shitey again.

Wasn't planning to go out tonight but tried to set something up impromptu when my early class tomorrow got cancelled.

Got a mate on board and then everyone else bailed and left me in the flat on my own.

I know it sounds like no biggie but I'm really bad for feeling unwanted and hate my own company.

Just needed a place to vent.

Sorry to hear that mate.

I'm currently pissed off :(

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Very much this. Whatever peoples opinions of other posters are, this definitely isnt the place to question them or, worse, belittle them. That kind of thing wont be tolerated and anyone should report anything they think crosses the line.

Good to hear it.

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Not posted on here for a bit but I'm feeling shitey again.

Wasn't planning to go out tonight but tried to set something up impromptu when my early class tomorrow got cancelled.

Got a mate on board and then everyone else bailed and left me in the flat on my own.

I know it sounds like no biggie but I'm really bad for feeling unwanted and hate my own company.

Just needed a place to vent.

Do you not have anyone that you can just lift a phone to at anytime of the night or day?

During my days in GA people could always lift the phone 24/7 to talk to someone on their phone line and there are always members that you click with where you could do the same, it's a very powerful and effective means of dousing fires in your head, I remember on 1 occasion my wife was struggling with things that were happening within our family, a wee phone call to another wife and 2 ladies from Glasgow arrived at our door within the hour to give her an ear and some support, it's an amazingly powerful thing when you know people will jump to your aid at the drop of a hat.

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Feel like I'm falling into the depression spiral again.

I'm starting to think that staying on at uni to do my honours year has been a waste as my dissertation is going nowhere fast as my supervisor is completely useless, I had to get a replacement supervisor as my original one fell really badly ill. I have seen this other one twice and it takes her weeks to return work even though she says she'll get it back to me that night, event management isn't her specialist subject and I think she's down south more that she is in the uni. She has also claimed to have given me a work plan but she has done no such thing and any time I receive e-mails from her she's going nuts at me for being miles behind, my progress report was before Christmas was mostly unsatisfactory whereas most people I have spoken to are around the same stage.

I have also fucked up a turnitin submission for another module and only less than half a report ended up submitted and I received a shite mark of 10/100. I spoke to my tutor and he asked me to e-mail him the full thing as the appeal board meet later. I fully expect any kind of appeal to be rejected and have to do some kind of resit as I should have ensured the full thing had submitted. I felt it was some of my best work but it looks to have been in vain.

I should be sleeping as I have a class tomorrow at 9 but I'm starting to think "What's the point ?".

I also stopped drinking at the start of the year because my stomach was getting really painful again, I haven't fallen off the wagon yet but I'm sorely tempted...

Edited by GordieBoy80
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Feel like I'm falling into the depression spiral again.

I'm starting to think that staying on at uni to do my honours year has been a waste as my dissertation is going nowhere fast as my supervisor is completely useless, I had to get a replacement supervisor as my original one fell really badly ill. I have seen this other one twice and it takes her weeks to return work even though she says she'll get it back to me that night, event management isn't her specialist subject and I think she's down south more that she is in the uni. She has also claimed to have given me a work plan but she has done no such thing and any time I receive e-mails from her she's going nuts at me for being miles behind, my progress report was before Christmas was mostly unsatisfactory whereas most people I have spoken to are around the same stage.

I have also fucked up a turnitin submission for another module and only less than half a report ended up submitted and I received a shite mark of 10/100. I spoke to my tutor and he asked me to e-mail him the full thing as the appeal board meet later. I fully expect any kind of appeal to be rejected and have to do some kind of resit as I should have ensured the full thing had submitted. I felt it was some of my best work but it looks to have been in vain.

I should be sleeping as I have a class tomorrow at 9 but I'm starting to think "What's the point ?".

I also stopped drinking at the start of the year because my stomach was getting really painful again, I haven't fallen off the wagon yet but I'm sorely tempted...

Has that ever solved/helped anything in the past for you?

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I have continued to self-delude myself with plans that, unless I win the Clyde lotto (four numbers = £19.5k jackpot, dig in), I have no chance of doing. I keep thinking back to how wonderful last summer was but unless something miraculous happens then I'm afraid it's going to be a pretty shite year on that front.

Job hunting is soul destroying, seeing exact jobs that I've done before and not having a chance to get because I don't have a "SVQ 2" is infuriating. I'm going to be biased here but as a 21 year old male, I think most Childcare places would jump at the chance to employ me as I'm male for a start, plus I have had 18 months experience in aftercare. I'm first aid trained, have food and hygiene certificates, dealing with epilepsy certificate, children's behaviour etc etc. The company I worked for fronted me in posters and any other media related content as probably their way of sending out the diversity message. If I can't get job doing that then I'm stuggling, unless I go to uni to continue my HND in Sport Development. I wasn't too keen to continue it at the time but it looks like my best play right now.

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Job hunting is pretty sole destorying for your confidence especially when you apply and no one comes back to you. Im in the process of doing it again just now

I can relate with the drinking side of things, Ive seen me sitting at home myself in the past with a bottle of vodka and although you know it does you no good it helps numb the pain for a while. The problem with drinking apart from the short term effectiveness is it usually acts as a catalyst for things I havent been thinking about and when your by yourself all you can do is think

Rather than worry that you have already failed and give up start making steps to turn it round and try and get yourself in a better place. I know how fustrating it can be having someone above you who is useless or workshy but don't let that be the reason you don't push through this period. Try and speak to someone else, even if you have to get backup from others on your course

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I don't know if this has been posted before, but I thought it was quite informative :

http://www.upworthy.com/what-is-depression-let-this-animation-with-a-dog-shed-light-on-it

From the 'Black Dog' series of books, which I'd absolutely and wholeheartedly recommend for anyone trying to understand their own depression. The 'Living with a Black Dog' book can be extremely helpful for friends and relatives to get a better understanding of what someone suffering depression actually goes through.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Had-Black-Dog-Matthew-Johnstone/dp/1845295897

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