Depression

[D.A.F.C]

Work place bullies are scum - probably with nothing good going on in their own lives.

Try to have a record of any bullying incident incidents, including details - times, places, what happened, what was said, etc, so that you can report it, if it comes to that, which it looks like it might.

These things can ruin it for you - don't let this c**t do it to you.

It's also possible to say to them calmly that the way they are treating you is unacceptable, unprofessional, and inappropriate, and that it's making you uncomfortable, and can they please stop it.

There is no point appealing for empathy to a narcissistic boss, they will use this as a green light to continue and actually get a kick out of hurting you or the next scapegoat. Best thing is to hold up the mirror to them and pretend they are amazing and avoid the flack. This is why they have groups of sycophants and flying monkeys around them, they are just scared and gutless people who hold the mirror and continue the game.

Edit - when I say best thing I mean that thing that will cause you the least harm for the time being.

Edited April 23, 2015 by D.A.F.C

[paranoid android]

There is no point appealing for empathy to a narcissistic boss, they will use this as a green light to continue and actually get a kick out of hurting you or the next scapegoat. Best thing is to hold up the mirror to them and pretend they are amazing and avoid the flack. This is why they have groups of sycophants and flying monkeys around them, they are just scared and gutless people who hold the mirror and continue the game.

Edit - when I say best thing I mean that thing that will cause you the least harm for the time being.

Apparently, a lot of bullies aren't aware that they're doing it - sometimes they need to be told/confronted - sometimes.

Also, isn't continuing to go along with their behaviour perpetuating the situation, and giving them carte blanche to act in a way that's upsetting to people.?

These c***s that bully folk at work need to be dealt with - ultimately, it's up to the organisation to address it, but they can't do so unless they're informed that there's a problem.

Mind you, I've heard about this kind of thing happening is surprisingly large organisations, and top management just brushing it under the carpet - some organisations seem happy enough to have folk in upper/middle management position that are pure b*****ds.

Shouldn't be happening.

Edited April 23, 2015 by paranoid android

[D.A.F.C]

I agree totally that these people should be exposed and dealt with but unless you can prove its on grounds of race, sex or sexuality then good luck.

My experience was.

The overall managment structure was based on cronyism and they were friends from a previous company who all drank together. My boss was better than all of them as an engineer but terrible as a manager. He wanted to do everything himself and control everyone. He got moved into a department he didn't want to be in and watched the other managers and engineers slowly but surely overtake him and become directors. He took it badly and became a bitter and twisted individual who lashed out and attacked scapegoats. The turnover in a department of around five people was seven people in five years.

After realising what was happening to me I started asserting myself and was told by another member of staff that the manager and his assistant were talking about me behind my back. The assistant then turned on me until I totally outperformed him but still there was no recognition from the manager. Then when the assistant left after having enough of the golden boy/scapegoat soap opera I was given his tasks also. I did this for a year despite getting bullied and demeaned at the same time due to a recruitment freeze. This also coincided with the busiest ever time in the companies history. Again zero recognition and also the company advertised for the assistants job without even consulting me or anyone in the department.

After this I thought, f**k it, I've tried everything so I might as well tell the boss how I feel. Took him to one side privately and without arrousing suspicion from the others.

First of all I asked about the situation with the assistant, he started to squirm. He agreed it wasn't right and that I should have been considered. I then asked him why he constantly demeaned me despite him just agreeing I was capable and a hard worker. He denied he ever said anything. I then produced documentation with times and dates and to my shock he started crying. I thought that this was him starting to realise he was an utter c**t and left it.

Next few weeks he was extremely quiet. Then I get an email from the director saying that there has been a complaint about my behaviour and that he wanted to conduct a meeting to look into it.

Basically I was railroaded at this meeting and told I was paranoid, overly sensitive and that they knew my manager and he would not say or do these things. I then produced the evidence and that was dismissed with laughter and the supposedly impartial HR note taker joined in with the railroading.

I was forced to apologise to my boss to keep my job and told to hand over the files containing the evidence. I know IT were also fooled into believing the c**t and snooped through my PC and dropped remarks to let me know that they were watching me.

After this there was only one solution and that was to leave. It took me a few months but inbetween the director left and a new one started. I was pulled into and office and basically told to stop recording anything or I would be fired. I had stopped anyway.

I surprised at how long I put up with it for, despite all the shit it was a great job and I'm still gutted it didn't work out. It's changed me forever probably and I will never trust a manager or director again. Breaking down in tears after hiding it for over two years and seeing my parents reaction was the low point.

It also told me I had to do something about it. It's really hard to explain why you let something go on for so long at work when if it happened outside it would end in violence after a few minutes. The stress it causes is as bad as physical assualt IMO and these fuckers should do time for it.

So no, I wouldn't go to HR becuase chances are they know all about the bully and know they can't do anything due to the overall toxic nature of the company in which they are caught up in too. Possible exception would be whistleblowing to coorporate HR if they were in another country and out of the web of lies.

[Sergeant Wilson]

I agree totally that these people should be exposed and dealt with but unless you can prove its on grounds of race, sex or sexuality then good luck.

My experience was.

The overall managment structure was based on cronyism and they were friends from a previous company who all drank together. My boss was better than all of them as an engineer but terrible as a manager. He wanted to do everything himself and control everyone. He got moved into a department he didn't want to be in and watched the other managers and engineers slowly but surely overtake him and become directors. He took it badly and became a bitter and twisted individual who lashed out and attacked scapegoats. The turnover in a department of around five people was seven people in five years.

After realising what was happening to me I started asserting myself and was told by another member of staff that the manager and his assistant were talking about me behind my back. The assistant then turned on me until I totally outperformed him but still there was no recognition from the manager. Then when the assistant left after having enough of the golden boy/scapegoat soap opera I was given his tasks also. I did this for a year despite getting bullied and demeaned at the same time due to a recruitment freeze. This also coincided with the busiest ever time in the companies history. Again zero recognition and also the company advertised for the assistants job without even consulting me or anyone in the department.

After this I thought, f**k it, I've tried everything so I might as well tell the boss how I feel. Took him to one side privately and without arrousing suspicion from the others.

First of all I asked about the situation with the assistant, he started to squirm. He agreed it wasn't right and that I should have been considered. I then asked him why he constantly demeaned me despite him just agreeing I was capable and a hard worker. He denied he ever said anything. I then produced documentation with times and dates and to my shock he started crying. I thought that this was him starting to realise he was an utter c**t and left it.

Next few weeks he was extremely quiet. Then I get an email from the director saying that there has been a complaint about my behaviour and that he wanted to conduct a meeting to look into it.

Basically I was railroaded at this meeting and told I was paranoid, overly sensitive and that they knew my manager and he would not say or do these things. I then produced the evidence and that was dismissed with laughter and the supposedly impartial HR note taker joined in with the railroading.

I was forced to apologise to my boss to keep my job and told to hand over the files containing the evidence. I know IT were also fooled into believing the c**t and snooped through my PC and dropped remarks to let me know that they were watching me.

After this there was only one solution and that was to leave. It took me a few months but inbetween the director left and a new one started. I was pulled into and office and basically told to stop recording anything or I would be fired. I had stopped anyway.

I surprised at how long I put up with it for, despite all the shit it was a great job and I'm still gutted it didn't work out. It's changed me forever probably and I will never trust a manager or director again. Breaking down in tears after hiding it for over two years and seeing my parents reaction was the low point.

It also told me I had to do something about it. It's really hard to explain why you let something go on for so long at work when if it happened outside it would end in violence after a few minutes. The stress it causes is as bad as physical assualt IMO and these fuckers should do time for it.

So no, I wouldn't go to HR becuase chances are they know all about the bully and know they can't do anything due to the overall toxic nature of the company in which they are caught up in too. Possible exception would be whistleblowing to coorporate HR if they were in another country and out of the web of lies.

Can you not just consign it to the past. You bring it up here every couple of weeks. It's doesn't seem to be doing you much good. Regardless of you feeling the need to share it.

[D.A.F.C]

I didn't think it was that often, in this case it was to try and help someone.

You do seem bothered by it, sorry if it bores you. In future I will just link it to the post above if it offends or bores people so much.

It's not exactly pleasant reading tbf.

[Sergeant Wilson]

I didn't think it was that often, in this case it was to try and help someone.

You do seem bothered by it, sorry if it bores you. In future I will just link it to the post above if it offends or bores people so much.

It's not exactly pleasant reading tbf.

It's quite a few times, it seems to define you.

[JamboMikey]

Hi Mikey, not sure if that question was directed at me or someone else but basically yes I have considered it. I really wish I could I just don't feel like I could talk to someone and open up properly... it took a huge effort to post something on here to essentially a bunch of strangers, so to do it face to face is terrifying for me. I know that even if I took the time to try to find out how to get some help I would end up backing out.I'd convince myself that I am in control and I know how deal with this by myself even thought that is quite clearly bullshit

I know where you're coming from.

If you ever get to a place where you feel comfortable to go though I would definitely recommend it.

[D.A.F.C]

It's quite a few times, it seems to define you.

You have a point, if I keep mentioning it it must seem that way. Problem is I haven't mentioned it to many people outside of this forum.

Apologies if it seems annoying, I'm sure it's trivial compared to life or death stuff or other things on this thread.

I won't mention it again.

[Lisa Cuddy]

It's not the catharsis that bothers me - some people need to talk over things a LOT to work them out - it's that you advised another guy on here in a similar position to do/not do certain things on the basis of your experience, not his. His boss could genuinely be unaware of what's going on, his HR department could be capable of managing the situation fairly, the boss might not have friends in high places. I understand that your experience has maybe made you a little bitter but the guy's employers will likely have their own protocol for this and that's what he needs to follow.

[D.A.F.C]

Absolutely, do the right thing. Just saying it could go one of two ways. Every HR department isn't manipulated by bullies, not all bullies have NPDs.

But even if they believe you the best thing ultimately is to leave. Something isn't right, by that I mean the toxic workplace situation and environment has turned this person into a bully. Most people when confronted with a choice or keeping their job, mortgage and nice life but selling out would rather keep it that way than risk it by backing a subordinate against a manager. That's why these people exist, if it wasn't for the enablers, sycophants, lackeys, flying monkeys, spies and generally gutless scared people they would have no crowd to play to. They have probably already built up a network or clique designed to hide and protect their disorder.

Or maybe they're just misunderstood?

Look up cases or stories of workplace bullying, it doesn't end well in most cases.

It's reaching epidemic levels and with recessions, zero hour contracts, Tory governments, no unions, terrible UK management in general, breakdown in society, rise in narcissism etc it's only going to get worse until it becomes more common than uncommon.

Anyway going back to the original post, it's up to them. I would be more than happy to give any advice or help via pm or on here. If people refuse to believe that a minority of management are seriously disturbed individuals with mental disorders then that's just a bit naive to put it mildly.

[Sergeant Wilson]

You have a point, if I keep mentioning it it must seem that way. Problem is I haven't mentioned it to many people outside of this forum.

Apologies if it seems annoying, I'm sure it's trivial compared to life or death stuff or other things on this thread.

I won't mention it again.

It's not a question of apologising. It's just my observation. If this is the only place you've mentioned it, maybe you should see someone formally for CBT or something. Personally, I think there is an element of paranoia, but if the events affected you that badly, maybe you have a form of PTSD.

[D.A.F.C]

I think you're right, but until you've experienced working under a real bully you want understand it. It does seem crazy that a person can be talking away with you and being friendly and then for no reason turn like a light going on when someone else comes in or suddenly call you lazy or stupid despite telling you different in private. Suddenly having previously friendly colleagues seem cold or making comments about you all of a sudden.

Example. Pretty much the only outlet I had apart from working hard was playing fives with guys from another department. Nobody apart from my boss had any reason to leave our department. I'm guessing he didn't like the fact I was getting along well with the others and poisoned a couple of them who had been there for ages. One day all of a sudden I overhear the assistant and one of them thinking I was out the dressing room and bad mouthing me as if I was a problem. There was no substance or reasoning to it just out of the blue. Same thing happened to the IT department guys and others. After a while because they were decent they started being friendly to me again but if my manager appeared they turned cold again for the time he was there.

He told me I was too busy and to get and contract worker in to help, he made the contractor sit about and do nothing and let him away with watching films on his laptop while I was genuinely breaking sweat every day trying to keep up with the workload.

I've worked with bad bosses and people who slag you off and have banter. Trust me this is completely different. I may be a little wary and paranoid as a result but I stand by the previous statement. There is a small percentage of people with NPD and unfortunately they can gravitate towards managment and get away with abusing and harassing people on a daily basis.

There is a huge difference between a genuine bully and an arsehole boss. You will only understand it when you work for one.

Whether I'm now a bit damaged and a bit paranoid as a result well probably. It seems like a natural reaction to me.

I do think drawing a line under it would be for the best though.

[Sergeant Wilson]

I think you're right, but until you've experienced working under a real bully you want understand it. It does seem crazy that a person can be talking away with you and being friendly and then for no reason turn like a light going on when someone else comes in or suddenly call you lazy or stupid despite telling you different in private. Suddenly having previously friendly colleagues seem cold or making comments about you all of a sudden.

Example. Pretty much the only outlet I had apart from working hard was playing fives with guys from another department. Nobody apart from my boss had any reason to leave our department. I'm guessing he didn't like the fact I was getting along well with the others and poisoned a couple of them who had been there for ages. One day all of a sudden I overhear the assistant and one of them thinking I was out the dressing room and bad mouthing me as if I was a problem. There was no substance or reasoning to it just out of the blue. Same thing happened to the IT department guys and others. After a while because they were decent they started being friendly to me again but if my manager appeared they turned cold again for the time he was there.

He told me I was too busy and to get and contract worker in to help, he made the contractor sit about and do nothing and let him away with watching films on his laptop while I was genuinely breaking sweat every day trying to keep up with the workload.

I've worked with bad bosses and people who slag you off and have banter. Trust me this is completely different. I may be a little wary and paranoid as a result but I stand by the previous statement. There is a small percentage of people with NPD and unfortunately they can gravitate towards managment and get away with abusing and harassing people on a daily basis.

There is a huge difference between a genuine bully and an arsehole boss. You will only understand it when you work for one.

Whether I'm now a bit damaged and a bit paranoid as a result well probably. It seems like a natural reaction to me.

I do think drawing a line under it would be for the best though.

CBT is used to resolve the symptoms you describe and possibly display.

[Hedgecutter]

Not sure if it's just one day of Mirtazapine so far but today I can't concentrate one little bit, feel incredibly anxious to the point of wanting to burst out with 'aarrrgggh!' and rather dizzy with a weird sensation around the back of the eyes. Took it an hour before bed last night and I felt a form of 'pissed' which I've never experienced before, despite having nothing to drink. Closed my eyes and just kept 'seeing' constant flashes with a hatred of having my eyes closed and a desire to stay awake even though that's the opposite of what I want. Absolutely shattered when I was up and about too.

This had better not last.

[Twinkle]

Not sure if it's just one day of Mirtazapine so far but today I can't concentrate one little bit, feel incredibly anxious to the point of wanting to burst out with 'aarrrgggh!' and rather dizzy with a weird sensation around the back of the eyes. Took it an hour before bed last night and I felt a form of 'pissed' which I've never experienced before, despite having nothing to drink. Closed my eyes and just kept 'seeing' constant flashes with a hatred of having my eyes closed and a desire to stay awake even though that's the opposite of what I want. Absolutely shattered when I was up and about too.

This had better not last.

I was taken off them as they didnt agree with me. Not the same symptoms as you but i didnt like them. Now on Trazodone and they seem to be fine with me

[Raidernation]

Today is a shite day.

Just found out someone I would have called a friend, not a best friend, but someone I was at school with and knew for about 45 years has died last week and funeral is tomorrow. Facebook huh?

Now I know I hadn't seen him in over 5 years, certainly not since I came over here, but I still feel like a shitebag that I didn't know until today.

I am struggling not to just go and have a few drinks "like old times" for him, but I know that's not a good idea.

Maybe I'll be okay if I get some sleep.

[Lyle Lanley]

Just had a massive breakdown

[Sergeant Wilson]

Just had a massive breakdown

No you didn't.

[Lyle Lanley]

No you didn't.

Aye I fucking did. Here's an idea if you're just going to be a general dickhead. Why don't you take your pish and f**k off out of this thread?

[Sergeant Wilson]

Aye I fucking did. Here's an idea if you're just going to be a general dickhead. Why don't you take your pish and f**k off out of this thread?

I don't doubt something happened, you lost control, but you didn't have a "breakdown". If you'd had a breakdown you wouldn't be on here or able to be coherent.