Depression

[Richey Edwards]

5 hours ago, Dons_1988 said:

I’ve been through similar. Back in 2017 I’d spent a couple of months battling back from a really dark place and found myself on the way up when what felt like out of nowhere a long term friend took his own life. 

I spent 18 months battering myself for not being a friend whilst I was focusing on my own issues. That 18 months really did nearly break me. 

You may not be feeling as I did but monitor those feelings of guilt and don’t underestimate them. Look after yourself and make sure you have folk you can talk to if it gets worse. Include myself in that if you ever felt it was needed. 

I'm torn between feeling very angry at her for dying this way, and feeling very sad about what has happened to her. 

[DA Baracus]

12 minutes ago, Richey Edwards said:

I'm torn between feeling very angry at her for dying this way, and feeling very sad about what has happened to her. 

Both of which are completely valid reactions, and they don't need to be contradictory either.

[Richey Edwards]

4 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

Both of which are completely valid reactions, and they don't need to be contradictory either.

I'm also slightly jealous that she isn't in this shitty world anymore. 

[DA Baracus]

4 hours ago, Richey Edwards said:

I'm also slightly jealous that she isn't in this shitty world anymore. 

Which is another understandable reaction.

[Guest TheJTS98]

On 04/05/2021 at 20:57, Richey Edwards said:

I'm torn between feeling very angry at her for dying this way, and feeling very sad about what has happened to her. 

Nothing wrong with either of those. Stick in and keep us updated if and when you feel like it. Take it at your own pace.

Edited May 5, 2021 by TheJTS98

[Guest TheJTS98]

On 03/05/2021 at 22:13, Richey Edwards said:

She was mortified, and I should have probably been angry for the big scratch on my car, but I could barely stand upright for laughing. The situation was comical and one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

It's a smashing story and a great memory to keep hold of.

[Guest TheJTS98]

On 04/05/2021 at 02:07, Raidernation said:

Looks like I’ll be posted missing for a wee while. Things are pretty rough right now so it looks like I’ll have to spend a wee while in residential treatment again

Do what you need to and keep in touch.

[Richey Edwards]

2 hours ago, TheJTS98 said:

It's a smashing story and a great memory to keep hold of.

I feel a lot better today than I did on previous days.

Her mum was looking for funny memories to print out for a little memories thing for my friends daughter. I wrote about the car incident. 

[Raidernation]

An update.
Obviously, as I’m posting on here, I did not go to a residential treatment facility but, instead, I’m doing a PHP (Partial Hospitalisation Programme”) which basically means I’m doing 6 hours a day of recovery work each day. Basically it’s like residential except I get to go home in the evening.

I was also put in touch with a woman who does Reiki therapy and I’ve found that to be very helpful as well.

Finally sorted on meds that seem to work: Mirtazapine to help me sleep, Lexapro for moods/depression and Naltrexone for cravings.

Cautiously optimistic that I’m on a good path to recovery now, going to AA and Refuge Recovery meetings as well which does help me.

I want to thank all of you for your kind comments and support [emoji1303]

[AL-FFC]

15 hours ago, Raidernation said:

An update.
Obviously, as I’m posting on here, I did not go to a residential treatment facility but, instead, I’m doing a PHP (Partial Hospitalisation Programme”) which basically means I’m doing 6 hours a day of recovery work each day. Basically it’s like residential except I get to go home in the evening.

I was also put in touch with a woman who does Reiki therapy and I’ve found that to be very helpful as well.

Finally sorted on meds that seem to work: Mirtazapine to help me sleep, Lexapro for moods/depression and Naltrexone for cravings.

Cautiously optimistic that I’m on a good path to recovery now, going to AA and Refuge Recovery meetings as well which does help me.

I want to thank all of you for your kind comments and support

I am on the mirtazapine as well for mines does help a lot with the sleep loss but you will find your appetite goes up 

Glad its all going in the right direction

[19QOS19]

An update.
Obviously, as I’m posting on here, I did not go to a residential treatment facility but, instead, I’m doing a PHP (Partial Hospitalisation Programme”) which basically means I’m doing 6 hours a day of recovery work each day. Basically it’s like residential except I get to go home in the evening.

I was also put in touch with a woman who does Reiki therapy and I’ve found that to be very helpful as well.

Finally sorted on meds that seem to work: Mirtazapine to help me sleep, Lexapro for moods/depression and Naltrexone for cravings.

Cautiously optimistic that I’m on a good path to recovery now, going to AA and Refuge Recovery meetings as well which does help me.

I want to thank all of you for your kind comments and support [emoji1303]

How does Reiki work as a therapy RN? I watch a woman on YouTube for ASMR and she was talking about it once. As I watch it to help me sleep I've never got through it all yet but she said one of the things Reiki teaches you is that anger is a choice. It's stuck with me and I've seen myself asking why I'm angry when something upsets me and it actually calms me down a fair bit when I analyse it.

Apologies for high-jacking the thread!

[Derry Alli]

Someone I was close to years back tried to take her own life a couple of weeks ago. I found out through the week and it knocked me a fair bit. I got in touch with her and organised to meet up. Picked her up and went for food and a blether today and she has always been really open about everything and just said she was/is incredibly lonely, she's usually afraid to leave the house but is making an extra effort since the incident. 

While sitting having food she got a text - a guy she went out with (I met her through him) killed himself last night. 

It's cliche AF but if anybody ever needs to just type shit out - or text - just get in touch. 

[AL-FFC]

Been struggling with my depression the last few weeks, i had been doing ok and this last few weeks has just floored me.I lost my sister over a year ago and if I am being honest reading the above is where i am. Moved house thinking a new start would do me good but coupled in with lockdowns trying to get this place the way i want it and needing to wait months on things getting started and I honestly think everything is a struggle every time i think i have one thing sorted something comes and kicks my arse and floors me again,

Never felt more alone in life, my kids live with my ex and well they've basically went same as my ex and she got what she wanted as they haven't spoken to me since christmas.  All i think am doing is existing and i really wish i wasn't 

don't know what i hope to achieve with this but had to get it out as no one else to talk to that understands it. one of my mates gave it i had depression once but then i cheered up if only it was so f**king simple

Edited June 1, 2021 by AL-FFC

[pandarilla]

Been struggling with my depression the last few weeks, i had been doing ok and this last few weeks has just floored me.I lost my sister over a year ago and if I am being honest reading the above is where i am. Moved house thinking a new start would do me good but coupled in with lockdowns trying to get this place the way i want it and needing to wait months on things getting started and I honestly think everything is a struggle every time i think i have one thing sorted something comes and kicks my arse and floors me again,
Never felt more alone in life, my kids live with my ex and well they've basically went same as my ex and she got what she wanted as they haven't spoken to me since christmas.  All i think am doing is existing and i really wish i wasn't 
don't know what i hope to achieve with this but had to get it out as no one else to talk to that understands it. one of my mates gave it i had depression once but then i cheered up if only it was so f**king simple

You've taken a brilliant step by opening up about it, mate. That's a positive in itself.

Do you still have contact with your kids? And what is your relationship like with them? If you do have access, then that is something you can control, and something that is incredibly important.

You also have to cut yourself some slack as grieving for someone close is a hugely difficult thing to go through. What are was your sister? And were you guys close?

[AL-FFC]

5 minutes ago, pandarilla said:

You've taken a brilliant step by opening up about it, mate. That's a positive in itself.

Do you still have contact with your kids? And what is your relationship like with them? If you do have access, then that is something you can control, and something that is incredibly important.

You also have to cut yourself some slack as grieving for someone close is a hugely difficult thing to go through. What are was your sister? And were you guys close?

Broke up with my ex ten years ago i did have access to my kids daughter is 18 son is about to turn 15 they've got better things to do when i did try to chat to them never got any reply. I've gave up on that one.

My sister basically raised me and was more or less my only family. Suppose just feeling sorry for myself, my niece and nephew are there but they have their own lives.  I think the things i understand about depression and why folk take their lives is its a cry for help but you don't want to bother anyone and you hope someone will find you before before you die way i feel i don't think anyone would bat an eyelid and would be classed as a minor inconvenience

[pandarilla]

Those are just dark thoughts you're having at the moment, and they don't necessities reflect reality.

But I'd say you need to keep plugging away with your kids. Aye they'll seem like they don't give a f**k sometimes but it'll be important for them to know that you're there for them, if they do need some support. Don't give up on that.

[AL-FFC]

Just now, pandarilla said:

Those are just dark thoughts you're having at the moment, and they don't necessities reflect reality.

But I'd say you need to keep plugging away with your kids. Aye they'll seem like they don't give a f**k sometimes but it'll be important for them to know that you're there for them, if they do need some support. Don't give up on that.
 

I know where i stand with them, kept trying for 2 months the end of the day i tried. Never normally been a quitter but this instance I'm done.

[pandarilla]

I know where i stand with them, kept trying for 2 months the end of the day i tried. Never normally been a quitter but this instance I'm done.

Ok.

It sounds like your sister played a huge part in your life so that will have really taken its toll. Never underestimate the strength of grief.

Hang in there, chief.

[scotfree]

Bipolar wise I'm the most stable I've been for a while. Also the meds I'm on for my ADD are helping not only with the ADD but they also help with my Bipolar as they make me focus more rather than the mess my mind can be with BP. I'm on a ton of meds to help me and I've been lucky enough to not have had any side effects. I take Concerta and Dex for my ADD and Seroquel, Dothep, Ativan and Lamictal for my Bipolar. Mixing ADD and Bipolar meds is walking a tight rope as the meds for ADD are stimulants which can make it easy to trigger a manic episode. I also found out the I have OCPD which is very different to OCD. My main problem now is my anxiety which effects almost every part of my day. I find it very hard to leave the house and don't really have any interaction with other people. It's just pretty much my wife and my in-laws that I talk to and interact with. I do manage to get out into the garage and do some woodwork and the like which really helps. I still see my psychiatrist and psychologist a few times a month. My psychologist is moving at the end of the year which is a hard thing to take in. She's really good and I don't know if I can go through talking about my past again with someone I don't know. Not sure what I'm going to do about that yet.

[Raidernation]

I got fired on Tuesday (via email) whilst on medical leave as per the school’s request. Not only that, I discovered my job has been advertised since the 5th of May, the day after I was put on leave.
Now, I was upset, angry and disappointed but I didn’t let it ruin my recovery or f**k up my healthy mental state. Could easily have done so mind you.
Turns out that they may well have broken US employment law so I’m waiting to find out if I have a case.

In other news I already have 4 interviews for teaching jobs next week!