Footballing Clichés

[Seymour Skinner]

When a notorious diver (Gareth Bale)is actually booked for his antics and the manager comes out and says that "he's not that kind of player". Also applicable to a Keith "gentleman" Lasley horror challenge.

[banana]

Any quite-good-but-not-that-good foreign teams are described as "outfits". I.e. marseille are "the French outfit"

Unless they're from Eastern Europe, in which case they are some 'crack' team.

[Seymour Skinner]

Unless they're from Eastern Europe, in which case they are some 'crack' team.

russian cracks spartak moscow

[Joey Jo Jo Junior Shabadoo]

Commentators saying 'ever so well' instead of 'well' really bile ma pish.

[Lou Brusch]

Also applicable to a Keith "gentleman" Lasley horror challenge.

He isn't that kind of player, he didn't mean to injure the boy when he went in two footed into the guys shin, snapping it in two. He's quite upset in that dressing room, which is obviously some consolation to the opposition player

[Al B]

You've got to win the 2nd ball.

Wait, there's two?

[Professor Yaffle]

You've got to win the 2nd ball.

Wait, there's two?

Think there can be anything up to 100, seeing as some balls are 50/50

[Bold Rover]

He isn't that kind of player, he didn't mean to injure the boy when he went in two footed into the guys shin, snapping it in two. He's quite upset in that dressing room, which is obviously some consolation to the opposition player

I expect the player was "disappointed" with that challenge.

[Al B]

Think there can be anything up to 100, seeing as some balls are 50/50

Ah but then there's also the ball that's there to be won, and the ball he had no right to win. And don't forget the hospital ball, the outrageous ball and the obvious ball (apparently the latter two are often unexpected and ignored respectively...so it's understandable you may have missed them).

[Jimmy Shaker]

We should return to prefixing any Italian team name with 'lira laden giants'.

[Diamonds are Forever]

Similarly, "striker's tackle", when a forward commits GBH on an opposing player.

And this must be said whilst chuckling heartily.

[Seymour Skinner]

And this must be said whilst chuckling heartily.

Step forward, Martin tyler.

[Compliment Sandwich]

Managers being 'tactically inept'

The need to invest in 'grassroots football'

[Professor Yaffle]

Ah but then there's also the ball that's there to be won, and the ball he had no right to win. And don't forget the hospital ball, the outrageous ball and the obvious ball (apparently the latter two are often unexpected and ignored respectively...so it's understandable you may have missed them).

And not to forget the ball that can go 'through the eye of a needle'.

[Bold Rover]

Managers being 'tactically inept'

The need to invest in 'grassroots football'

Or even worse: naive.

[banana]

He "saw his name on the back pages" when a glory-hunting player fucks up.

[turboshandy]

Anyone facing disciplinary action is "hauled up before the beaks".

[Jamaldo]

The one that's really getting on my nerves at the moment is when a performance is described as "brave" i.e. when a minnow manages to avoid getting an absolute pasting from a far superior team but still ends up losing the game by about one or two goals.

"It was a brave performance by Iceland but they succumbed to two goals by Croatia in the end."

This changing of the definition of the word "brave" by commentators has to be the most ridiculous thing to happen to football coverage.

[banana]

The one that's really getting on my nerves at the moment is when a performance is described as "brave" i.e. when a minnow manages to avoid getting an absolute pasting from a far superior team but still ends up losing the game by about one or two goals.

"It was a brave performance by Iceland but they succumbed to two goals by Croatia in the end."

This changing of the definition of the word "brave" by commentators has to be the most ridiculous thing to happen to football coverage.

I was thinking about this one earlier. Do you think a player in the minnow team has ever ever thought they were 'brave' against a big team? Ever? It's not the feeling that I can imagine any player in history having under these circumstances. "Ach, at least we were brave". No. Cock off.

[banana]

A keeper 'just about got his hand to that', or a striker/defender 'just about got his head to that', when they did in fact slightly but clearly get their hand/head to that.