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Footballing Clichés


Seymour Skinner

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This is a predominantly EPL irritation but I hate the constant whine that 'XYZ new manager needs money to spend'.

The first thing they turn to is cash despite the fact that the majority of clubs have extremely large, very expensive squad of players already, the majority of which play a handful of games and are never seen again.

Novel Idea but how about said new manager actually trying to play the players that he's got?

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The latest irritation is people talking about 'playing the *insert club here* way'. Heard it quite a bit about Spurs in the last couple of weeks, and it's regularly said about Liverpool, Man Utd, Arsenal, Man City, Celtic and by fans of pretty much any club really. By playing the Liverpool/Celtic/Spurs/whoever else way they always mean that they play attacking, passing football. It's a load of pretentious bullshit and misses the fact that all those clubs have huge portions of their history where the football they played was rancid, it seems that doesn't count though.

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Ah but then there's also the ball that's there to be won, and the ball he had no right to win. And don't forget the hospital ball, the outrageous ball and the obvious ball (apparently the latter two are often unexpected and ignored respectively...so it's understandable you may have missed them).

My favourite was the 'good-looking ball' an Archie MacPherson classic. All time favourite though was Arthur Montfords classic 'Up go the heads" mentioned every time a cross came into the box. Even as a kid I knew how ludicrous that was but it described the action perfectly.

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The old favourite, he's got a good touch for a big man.

Also, bums on seats.

The American MLS commentary throws up some good ones. They sometimes call the top corner the upper 90. And when someone demonstrates a bit of pace they go, he's got wheels :lol:

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'A yard of pace' is another that bugs me. Since when was speed measured in yards?

I like it, makes total sense. s=d/t.

'Into the mixer' mentioned above is a belter, and quite apt in certain types of games where a ball is launched into 21 fuckers who are rammed in about 4 square metres of space with heads, legs and boots flying all over the joint.

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