mcintyre_gmfc Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Can't stop laughing at some of these. Bravo, guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdgarusQPFC Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I was working backstage on a show at the Old Vic in London. Can't remember what the play was called, but there was a romantic moment in a garden when two lovers first meet. He says "Lavinda", and pauses for a mo. (loudest fart I've ever managed reverberates around the theatre.) "What a lovely name!" (entire stalls audience and cast crack up). I got a mention in the directors notes, not a good one. Fucking brilliant! I nearly choked on the water I was drinking as I read that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expatowner Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Doesn't count as a public place but my farts were that bad one night in bed the missus got up and went to the toilet to be sick. Quite proud of that.needs a smilie face added to this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoopy1967 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I was working backstage on a show at the Old Vic in London. Can't remember what the play was called, but there was a romantic moment in a garden when two lovers first meet. He says "Lavinda", and pauses for a mo. (loudest fart I've ever managed reverberates around the theatre.) "What a lovely name!" (entire stalls audience and cast crack up). I got a mention in the directors notes, not a good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 I'm sitting reading this thread in fits of laughter while the wife is watching sky news about the helicopter crash. Needless to say, I've had a few dirty looks..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 It says it all about the maturity on this board that so many of us laugh at a good fart story. Oh look, boobies. I said boobies (snigger snigger) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Gaz FFC the new Big Gus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyerTon Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 The word 'fahrt' means 'ride' in German. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyerTon Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 das war ein großer fahrt = that was a great ride Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Gaz FFC the new Big Gus. The difference is Gaz has always been a twat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 We have a forklift at work with an enclosed cab, and on thursday morning after a kebab and a couple of ales, my guts were rank. I was using said forklift, and let out a very loud and wet fart, so I got out the cab and went to check if the browns had visited the underwear department, but thankfully they didnt. I came out of the toilet to a look of utter disgust, he had jumped in the forklift after me, unaware of the chemical warfare I had just unleashed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 If the Americans are still looking for chemical weapons I suggest they check my arse out after what I just dropped outside the shop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdgarusQPFC Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 It says it all about the maturity on this board that so many of us laugh at a good fart story. Oh look, boobies. I said boobies (snigger snigger) Who actually gives a f**k? We are all having a good laugh, does it even matter what we are laughing about? Cheer up you miserable sod. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shtuggie Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Don't fart in a hot tub unless you are totally sure it is safe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EdgarusQPFC Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Don't fart in a hot tub unless you are totally sure it is safe... Is that no fake? I'm sure I've heard it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shtuggie Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Is that no fake? I'm sure I've heard it is. May very well be - thankfully I wasn't there to find out! The moral of the story is still something to remember though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 My car permanently stinks of my farts. Even if left overnight. It's not a pleasant driving experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davied85 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Greeting with laughter at this thread sum brilliant stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I'm Brian Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Well someone dropped a right fucking humdinger in the Somerset Road End this afternoon. Me I always tend to get caught out especially at work. You could be sat there on your own for ages, then you let rip and the boss will walk past. Guy I used to work with was rank. More than once he definitely followed through. The single most vilest smell I have ever had the misfortune to inhale came from his discharge. If they had been looking for chemical weapons that night they would have cordoned off the room that he let rip in. He obviously knew something was brewing so he disappeared into another room and shut the door behind him. Unfortunately for me I had to go into the same room a couple of minutes later. As I opened the door this wall of anal gas hit me. It wasn't a subtle introduction. It was a full force sledgehammer of ass odour into my napper. If Satan had farted this smell could not have been more evil. I have never smelled anything like it, since or before, and I used to work in a building that was next to a shit tip. My own best experience was when I was a youngster. Was away on a road trip with four mates, and on the Saturday night we stopped at a place in Essex for some food. This also happened to be the night I was first introduced to curry sauce. It was the mutts nuts. It was the type of place that gave you your curry sauce in a tub, so once I had finished dipping the chips into the sauce there was plenty left, and I enjoyed it so much that I just drank down the remaining sauce from the carton. Overnight the curry sauce started to work it's magic on my virginal intestines. As we drove up the road the next morning the inevitable started to happen. So I let one rip, not really expecting what was to come. It was perfectly silent. Not a murmur came from my ass. It was one of those ones where it took a while to develop, but when the smell arrived it lingered for a fair old time, and bearing in mind we were in a car there wasn't much chance of escaping. I felt it was quite a fragrant smell, not dissimilar to the smell of the previous nights curry sauce, and I was quite proud of my work. No one else thought the same however. But the beauty was everyone else thought it was one of my travelling companions. "f**k sake Jim. Yer arse is rotten" "It wasn't me" came the obvious reply. At this point I'm trying not to laugh and looking angelic. Couple of minutes later, out comes another one. Again completely silent "f**k sake Jim. Your rotten" Again the reply "It's not me" Third one comes along, same again but this time I decide to join in the abuse towards him. It carried on for about an hour, at regular intervals. I thought I better stop when it threatened to turn violent. To this day I have never admitted it was me. Father I confess my sins. Are there any lawyers out there who have dropped one in court? Would love to hear from you if you have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLip69 Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Woke myself up with a fat once, unfortunatley it was in Church and i woke to glance along the pew at the faces of my family, Mum glaring at me, Dad choking back a laugh, two sisters looking horrified and the other one in tears, of laughter. Never lived it down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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