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Business / corporate speak nonsense


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Our parent company is based in Singapore. I received a meeting invite yesterday for Friday. 6pm to 7pm.

Aye. Right

You sure this happened? Singapore are 7 hours ahead of us and that would mean it would be 1/2am...

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I was being lectured on agile. The last bit I remember is the pair lecturing me giving their names. What followed was an hour and a half of acronyms. Then we threw plastic balls at each other, to demonstrate what we learned.

I learned that I have no interest in agile.

Edited by Sergeant Wilson
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  • 3 weeks later...

Not office speak as such, but yesterday, everytime there was a travel update on Radio Ulster, we were informed there would be no Enterprise (train from Belfast/Dublin, Dublin/Belfast) due to "operational reasons". Surely that should have been non-operational reasons?

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Not office speak as such, but yesterday, everytime there was a travel update on Radio Ulster, we were informed there would be no Enterprise (train from Belfast/Dublin, Dublin/Belfast) due to "operational reasons". Surely that should have been non-operational reasons?

 

Does that mean they will be running a bus replacement service? Or should it be called a train replacement service?

 

(HMHB's patter .. not mine). 

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Does that mean they will be running a bus replacement service? Or should it be called a train replacement service?

 

(HMHB's patter .. not mine). 

 

They never mentioned a bus. Anyway, I think everything's back to normal today, the only problem today is a flock of cyclists in Belfast.

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I think I've just died a little - reading a report and came across this...

"sustainable improvement continues to be at risk from resource and budget challenges, explicit or unconscious deprioritisation of risk assessments and control activities and passive expectations that new initiatives will solve known control problems..."

is it wrong for a grown man to sit sobbing in the office?

No. Not at all. I weep at my desk at least twice a day because of shite like that.

I work away from home and comms here are execrable. As English is not my host's first language but business communication is in English, I'm guessing PR and corporate comms are either done by numbers and pick up every bad habit going or some b*****d somewhere is paid a fortune to 'advise' and perpetuate this nonsense.

That's a long sentence. Sorry. Must regulate. 😉

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