LiamDFC Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 ^^^^ badge kisser found. <<< self employed, still hate my boss though. Total c**t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richie95 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 The night in which Kilmarnock took on Ayr in the League Cup, this season, my boss told me that I had to work a nighttime shift. I told him I couldn't due to my girlfriend somehow breaking her arm and how I had to pick her up at the hospital and look after her. That night I sat down on my seat with my girlfriend only to find out my boss was sitting a row behind me. Sadly, he noticed my lie and I had to work nightshifts for the next week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 When I managed an abattoir I told the new start that you killed cows with an axe rather than a stun gun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SodjesSixteenIncher Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Worked in a job I absolutely despised going into after uni. Had all kinds of meetings and final warnings about my attendance but really, really couldn't be arsed one day so phoned in and said I'd done my leg. The manager called my bluff and offered to pay for taxis for the week. Had to borrow a pair of crutches and limp about with them. Everyone knew it was a pile of pish, embarrassing scenes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 When I was in high school I told my work that I needed a Sunday off to finish a bunch of art projects I had to have done for the end of the school year so needed Sundays off to do it. I didnt ask for a Saturday as there was no chance it was going to happen plus a Sunday was better for lying rough as shit. I was furious that they put me back onto Sunday shifts as soon as the school year ended but still it was nice while it lasted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K.T Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 When I managed an abattoir I told the new start that you killed cows with an axe rather than a stun gun. I thought it was a hammer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
54_and_counting Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I thought it was a hammer? Same here, think the joke is fucked now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamdunk Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Gutted, I greenied it in haste before noticing the error. Was a good joke, poorly executed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supermik Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I once told a boss on a job that I was on that during my time as a sniper in the Falklands, I had 5 confirmed kills. He kept away from me after that. Just as well I never told him that it was actually 9. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMartyn86 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I once told a boss on a job that I was on that during my time as a sniper in the Falklands, I had 5 confirmed kills. He kept away from me after that. Just as well I never told him that it was actually 9. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supermik Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebbes20silkcut Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 When I worked for the Forestry commission I told all new starts that as an fc employee one was allowed to have a piss in any woodland in Britain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duszek Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 When living in London, I once pulled a sicky to go for a job interview at SAGA, who ran (run?) holidays for auld yins. Their hq was in Folkestone and the interview was at 9, so I had to get an early train down. At 8.30 i found a phone box to call in sick from. The problem was that there was a flock of noisy seagulls who just wouldn't stop squawking. I waited 15 minutes and then had to call anyway. "Ah, hi there Jessica, I am feeling really (SQUAWK! SQUAWK!!)..." "What's that, Duszek?" "Yes, sorry, it's just that i'm (SQUAWK!! SQUAWK!!!)" "I couldn't hear you there over the seagulls" "f**k it... I'll be in tomorrow" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paris Hilltoon Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 poorly executed. Much like the cow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 "No, I don't mind working to midnight while you all f**k off at 5pm, despite my extra hours being down to your incompetence and/or utter disregard for me as a human being" Apparently any other answer leads to the reply, "pick up your stuff and we'll send on your wages". Who knew? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kev23 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I lie all the time at work. Usually just to get certain days off but sometimes I find myself telling a story and realise it's a lot of rubbish half way through and keep going. I'm not sure why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THE KING Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Yes nurse Ive done this before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 A colleague of mine told a previous employer that he was Jewish in order to get Saturdays off. Bizzarely it worked. You'd have thought someone would have given his boss a tip off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 'Don't worry, I can't have kids, I've had the snip'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milton75 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 You'd have thought someone would have given his boss a tip off! Arooga. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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