Mark Connolly Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Notice she missed out the numerous packets of Immodium she has to take to counter her "diet". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 A typical day for me goes something like: 3am: awakened by my son giving me a flying headbutt in the dark as he wakes me for a bottle of milk. 6am: wake up wondering if I've missed my alarm, check time and then groan as my alarm isn't due for an hour but I'm now awake. 7am: having stayed awake for 45 minutes from 6am and then slept for 15 minutes before 7am, I awake at the sound of my shrill alarm, bleary eyed and groaning. Turn off alarm with a curse, stumble out of bed, stub toes and complain of clicking joints. 7.05am: first shite of the day 7.10am: shower 7.20am: throw on clothes and jacket, trip and injure self whilst putting on footwear. 7.30am: go out into the great wide world in the freezing cold and dark 8am: arrive at office, wish for a powercut, check that power is still functioning and begin work with a deep sigh. 8am to 10am: trawl through inane emails from inane people and answer inane questions. 10am: walk 3/4 of a mile to a Tesco Express for a depressingly bland pre-packed sandwich, do same journey in reverse and eat floppy cardboard sandwich at my desk. 10.15am to 1pm: browse P&B, interspersed with occasionally having to justify my employment by doing stuff. 1pm: eat another bland sandwich. Consider suicide, then decide to finish work first so as to ensure a full day's pay for my widow. 1.30pm to 4.30pm: make a series of inane phonecalls, receive a similar number of inane phonecalls. Sigh loudly and often to no-one in particular as I'm alone. 4.30 pm to 5pm: commute with the great unwashed, hold breath as long as possible to avoid smell and in the hope that I'll pass out for the rest of the journey. 5.30pm: greeted by small child with a huge grin, best part of my day. 5.30pm to 11pm: eat, clean, play, talk, moan, groan, yawn, feed, change, prepare. 11pm to 3am: sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamdunk Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I get up when I want except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the dustmen.I put my trousers on, have a cup of tea and I think about leaving the house.I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too, it gives me a sense of enormous well-being.And then I'm happy for the rest of the day safe in the knowledge there will always be a bit of my heart devoted to it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believe The Hype Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Keeps checking her e-mails for any Plenty of Fish notifications because she clearly needs her hole and don't think any guy would be able to put up with that level of excitement on a day to day basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I usually have 2 bits of toast and a boiled egg for breakfast and lots of coffee - if I'm in college i will have one coffee and then take some fruit in for my tea break then get something like sushi for lunch and then for dinner usually a bit of meat and some salad/rice and then some green tea at night time and not much snacking. Quite often i will substitute the green tea for beer/wine through the week and always drink at weekends but never that heavily. If I'm not in college will probably have about 5 cups of coffee then noodles for lunch and quite a lot of fruit and veg and quite often go to the gym. I used to have bacon every morning with my toast then usually chase that down with 2 cans of red bull, would eat crisps and fizzy drinks all the time, maybe the occasional banana or apple but would still be pretty unhealthy and would drink almost every night but wouldn't want to do that again! I used to work on building sites so would be fit and would burn all the shite off but when i became a student it all went to my belly and i had to make some serious lifestyle changes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zidane's child Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 What a p**h day of food. Lassie needs a good fish supper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kev23 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I get up when I want except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the dustmen. I put my trousers on, have a cup of tea and I think about leaving the house. I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too, it gives me a sense of enormous well-being. And then I'm happy for the rest of the day safe in the knowledge there will always be a bit of my heart devoted to it well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 What a p**h day of food. Lassie needs a good fish supper Its exactly what i think, its not a healthy thing to promote for the impressionable young ladies out there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believe The Hype Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I usually have 2 bits of toast and a boiled egg for breakfast and lots of coffee - if I'm in college i will have one coffee and then take some fruit in for my tea break then get something like sushi for lunch and then for dinner usually a bit of meat and some salad/rice and then some green tea at night time and not much snacking. Quite often i will substitute the green tea for beer/wine through the week and always drink at weekends but never that heavily. If I'm not in college will probably have about 5 cups of coffee then noodles for lunch and quite a lot of fruit and veg and quite often go to the gym. I used to have bacon every morning with my toast then usually chase that down with 2 cans of red bull, would eat crisps and fizzy drinks all the time, maybe the occasional banana or apple but would still be pretty unhealthy and would drink almost every night but wouldn't want to do that again! I used to work on building sites so would be fit and would burn all the shite off but when i became a student it all went to my belly and i had to make some serious lifestyle changes! What an absolutely boring post that was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 She can now be satisfied that at least Piers Morgan actually gives a flying f**k about her http://www.independent.co.uk/news/juicing-guru-whose-austere-diet-sparked-a-storm-admits-a-soft-spot-for-tacos-and-creme-eggs-9978534.html She also needs to put things into perspective, as only spending 90 minutes with her daughter a day, in my book, makes her a fucking shit mother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Koop Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Definite wid though. Wha? A woman who wears a gum shield around her neck? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 What an absolutely boring post that was. I left out the constant masturating Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I left out the constant masturating I think we all assumed, with you, that was a given Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Koop Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I left out the constant masturating Masturating? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Masturating? Now you're just trying to bait him ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I think we all assumed, with you, that was a given I have laid off it for a while after advice from my GP Masturating? Its when you do it with your weaker hand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believe The Hype Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I have laid off it for a while after advice from my GP What you really mean is you have no socks left, and you're biding your time for this months salary to go in your bank so you can obliterate Sports Directs supply of Slazengers finest before obliterating yourself ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 What you really mean is you have no socks left, and you're biding your time for this months salary to go in your bank so you can obliterate Sports Directs supply of Slazengers finest before obliterating yourself ? Nah i have friction burns on my shaft Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SodjesSixteenIncher Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 10:30: Got out of bed 11:00: Coffee (instant, two sugars) 12:30: 2 packs of hula hoops 12:45: 1 pack of hula hoops, another coffe and a sly grazing of some pesto that my flatmate left in the fridge. right now: 1 pack of hula hoops That's been my day so far. Please PM for publishing offers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believe The Hype Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Nah i have friction burns on my shaft Ahhh the toils of a gassed w**k. Could be an apt title for the biography of some of the late night posters on P&B to be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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