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Things which should be good but aren't


H_B

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5 hours of vegetating on a sofa watching shite football and being constantly visually assaulted by betting adverts and that c**t Ray Winstone every time they can possibly cram them in.

I'm not one for Sunday sessions either, work is bad enough on a Monday without a hangover.

Ray Winstone is a professional cockney. That's his job.
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Guest bernardblack

BTTS coupons. Every saturday seems like an exciting way to watch Jeff and the boys. Never turns out that way.

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Michael Moffat. And big bags of wine gums. For the cinema, a big bag, rather than a wee packet of wine gums always disappoints me. They're a different shape and seem to be a slightly different texture. I never learn and always end up feeling a bit dirty.

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The beach. The beach should be great, but really, its just shite. Too...annoying. Screeching weans, warm beer, everything is always miles away and sand is just a fucking pest.

Paintballing. Paintballing should be great fun, like a big fancy game of hide and seek, but instead, is filled with c***s who probably harm small animals and save for months to come spend aw their money playing pretend soldiers because they got rejected from the TA for being too thick.

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Michael Moffat. And big bags of wine gums. For the cinema, a big bag, rather than a wee packet of wine gums always disappoints me. They're a different shape and seem to be a slightly different texture. I never learn and always end up feeling a bit dirty.

Same with bags of Fruit Gums. Fruit Gums are one of the all time great sweets, but in a bagged version they're the wrong shape and are therefore unacceptable.

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In what way are either of these meant to be good? Unless you're both mewling sycophants

Well, Celtic spent millions and millions on players whereas everyone else spent nothing, yet they still routinely lose to the diddies...

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Bum sex.

I might try being the shagger rather than the shaggee next time though.

You're obviously doing it wrong mate.

It's only the first inch that hurts, once the other eight inches get past your piles it actually feels pretty good, like a prison bitch fantasy coming to life.

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And even then, only if sneaked in. A box of Maltesers would cost you about £20 in a cinema.

Studios basically take the whole ticket price (usually 90%, sometimes 100%) leaving the cinema operators having to charge punters crazy prices for their sweeties to make enough money to pay staff and keep the place running.

Blame the big six.

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Paintballing. Paintballing should be great fun, like a big fancy game of hide and seek, but instead, is filled with c***s who probably harm small animals and save for months to come spend aw their money playing pretend soldiers because they got rejected from the TA for being too thick.

*applauds...standing*

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